I Know, I Know, It's A Bit Of A Reach
You can't have it the other way round, though, can you? Art!
Conrad highly suspicious of the symbolism here
Led Zeppelin most certainly did not create Iceland, that was major volcanic activity and Scandinavian settlers. I think - I'm guessing here about the volcanoes as my knowledge of Icelandic geology is a bit limited. Hang on - Art!
Yup, a quick check on teh Interwebz and Iceland sits on the edge of a tectonic plate, which is guaranteed to breed volcanoes, and the first permanent settlers were the jolly old Norks, back in the 9th century. From our light-hearted description of them and sheer marine logistics, yes you guessed that these Norks were Norwegians, not North Koreans.
That there volcano you see in the image is one of the newer ones, it burst into activity last year and became a transient tourist attraction, with couples even getting married there so it could photo-bomb their background. Although the Icelandic authorities, sensible folk that they are, had sensors out to detect poison gasses. Art!
That's an Icelandic geothermal plant and an album cover for the band in question, just so we're clear. Can't have you forgetting what the subject matter is all about. "Why a geothermal energy-creating plant?" I hear you ask. O I thought you'd never get there.
Well now, there's a not-so-subtle allusion to Iceland, hmmmm? These lyrics, incidentally, are from the "Immigrant Song", which is an hilariously sardonic and ironic title when you consider what the Vikings were up to. Art!
"Please have passports and visas ready on disembarking"
There's no hiding the fact that the Norks and the Danes (I've not thought up a funny nickname for them yet) in this time period were bloodthirsty pillagers and you might well be confused into thinking that they are whom Robert Plant is warbling.
Not so, Vulnavia! Conrad confidently asserts that he means the Icelanders, even if they were inoffensive farmers for the most part. Note that line about the hot springs a-flowing. Art!
Makes you shiver just looking. This, gentle reader, is a Norwegian mountain stream. Were you to divest yourself of clothing and get in, expecting it to heat up in a bit, Mountain Rescue would be pulling your pallid, hypothermic corpse from the waters mere minutes later. Norway, unlike Iceland, does not sit on a tectonic boundary and has nil volcanic activity nor hot springs either. Art!
Another reminder.
A further clue. If these Vikings were coming from Norway or Denmark, to fall upon and plunder English towns, villages and - especially - churches, then they would be hitting the eastern shores.
Being a chap composed of indisputable logic and commons sense*, I do jib at a couple of the lines in this song.
Please be consistent! Is this longship propelled by oars or - actually I'm not sure how a presumably enormous hammer works in making a ship move, Conrad will have to get back to you on that one. Art!
Because you can't row your boat across half the Atlantic Ocean, wind power also does the job. Can't have your crew of pillagers arriving all ready to plunder and be utterly done in.
Hmmm do you know, we seem to have done a bit of a Musical Critique on "Immigrant Song". I do hope the lads won't be too upset.
An Uncharitable Thought
I am reading through my notebook, because I'm a dinosaur and if it's not written down then it doesn't exist, and what is this I see? "Zombies in Nork - how would you know?" Art!
Yes, this iteration of 'Nork' definitely refers to the Hermit Kingdom, or even the Kermit Kingdom as that's more insulting.
I think what my scrawl questioned was - how would you tell the difference? I know that in conventional zombie films there are always hordes of the ravening undead infesting the city streets. Pyongyang, however, always seems deserted even at rush hour. If they have a rush hour, that is. Art!
Gridlock!
Plus the population seem to be only slightly above the level of shambling mindless minions in the first place. You know, I think there's a film treatment in there ...
The Zombie Apocalypse in the other Nork would be a non-starter for nine months of the year. All those 'snowmen' out in the fields and streets? Zombies, frozen solid. Along would come a Nork with a hammer and whammo blammo, problem solved. Art!
 |
| Lillehammer - guaranteed 100% zombie-free! |
Mysterious Merchandise a.k.a. The Tat Of Temu
Another side-bar of peculiar MacGuffins from the pages of "The Daily Beast". Today I know what one of them is in real life, hurrah! Art?
That first one is a projector that - you may be ahead of me here - projects a diagram of the Solar System onto the ceiling. The next two are electronic Fitbit earplugs that shame you into walking more. Then there's a Combat Pillow Trainer, where you get fit by fighting a foam-filled modern art sculpture. Then you have a Precision Cutting Implement, which can also solve trigonometry problems, and finally a chic spy camera system for the espioneer in your life. Perhaps.
"City In The Sky"
Terry is, inadvertently, scaring the living daylights out of his audience aboard Arc One, with a nonchalant description of how the Australian outback isn't too dangerous, if you know what you're doing.
Terry shook his head.
‘Not normally. They live in the
outback and keep clear of towns and villages, but if you trespass on their
territory alone, you’re in trouble.
They’re smarter than any dingoes used to be in the past, too, which some
say is natural selection or mutation.
What else is there? Oh – “Dilly”. What we call the Giant Marine Crocodile. About thirty yards long and weighs four or
five tons. Lives in the deep oceans but
sometimes comes ashore and we find their footprints. Fishermen have seen ‘em at sea once or twice,
and there’s some big bones been found on the forshore. Ah!
How could I forget! The Hunting
Spider. They are very dangerous.’
Without exception all six Deputies (and Ace) shivered in repulsion. With no live insects aboard the sphere, there
weren’t any spiders either and nobody amongst the crew had ever seen a live
arachnid.
Terry warmed to his theme.
‘They’re huge things, big as a dinner-plate. They can jump, about eight or nine feet and
they have poison fangs. What’s scarey is
that they hunt their prey in packs, thirty or forty at a time. They send out scouts to look for food and if
they catch an animal alone, they form a circle around it. Then they take turns jumping and biting it,
until it drops dead and they suck it dry.
Running away doesn’t work, either, they keep the circle intact and
follow along.’
What sick mind thought these creatures up?!
Bereft!
After two weeks of the furry little ball and chain, it's a surprise to turn around in my Important Work Chair and not see Edna claiming the much-coveted Comfy Chair, curled up imperiously on my cardigan. Art!
FYI, yes, the cardigan has been thoroughly laundered and is no longer redolent of Sweaty Dog. I have deliberately zoomed in on the chair as the condition of the rest of things make it look as if the room had been swept thrice-times over by the Zombie Apocalypse.
Finally -
I started this, Wednesday's blog, on Monday night, followed up with more on Tuesday morning and at all work breaks through the day. The idea is to be able to have sufficient time to create a Sunday Stew - yes yes yes I'm well aware that it's Tuesday - before 22:30 tonight. I've got remaindered chicken thighs and a bag of fresh coriander to use up, you know. There may be pictures.
* This is me being economical with the truth.
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