Uncool April Fool

For Those Unaware -

Back in the First Unpleasantness, Great Britain (for so were we called in those days) had two branches of air force: the Royal Flying Corps, who supported the British army, and the Royal Naval Air Service, who - you are probably ahead of me here - supported the Royal Navy.  Let's have a picture of some stringbags.  Art!

These aerial pirates are the RFC

Very obviously the RNAS

     YES YES YES, I'm getting to the Fool's Day bit.  PATIENCE!

     In 1918 it was decided by the higher authorities that having two separate services was inefficient and wasteful, so they were merged into the -

     Royal Air Force <drums, flags, confetti>.  On April 1st 1918 <confused noises>.  Why this date was chosen is beyond me, but it remains a source of much amusement to the other services, who will forever have a source to mock the Brylcreem Boys with.

     ANYWAY you may not be aware that April 1st is April Fool's Day, where people play pranks upon each other, ranging from 'Your flies are undone' to The Guardian's mock commentary on the Republic of San Serriffe, a supposed group of islands in the Indian Ocean.  Art!

The isles in question

     For Your Information, 'San serif' is a particular style of font without elaboration, lie this one, Verdana.  Times, as we use for captions, is serif.

     Here an aside.  Conrad distinctly remembers reading about a South Canadian teenager who informed the Federal authorities that they could save $250,000 by printing in a san serif font.

     ANYWAY none of that concerns Malicious Compliance, which is what Your Humble Scribe came across in a Youtube Reddit thread.  Original Poster arrived at work and was told by his manager "You're fired" who then laughed and left.

     OP took this at face value, logged out of his accounts, cleared his desk and destroyed his client list on a Rolodex (whilst retaining a digital copy, sensible lad).  This took about 2 hours, during which time no sign of Manager Michael ('Michael' because that was his name).

A Rolodex, in case you were curious

     Three hours later, when OP had gotten home and was sipping tea and relaxing, he got a call from Manager Mike, asking where he was.

     "You fired me.  Why the Dog Buns would I be at work?"

     Cue hissy fit from MM, who states it was a joke and he needs to get back in the office quick smart.

     "You clearly said I was fired.  I will be taking unemployment for a few months, and filing a complaint with HR."

     Cue meltdown from MM, at which OP hangs up.  By next day several other workers had quit thanks to MM's behaviour.  He sent 72 text messages to OP's mobile and 13 voice mails, all of which OP ignored.

     After a nice little chat with HR, OP got switched to a new team, a raise, 4 weeks paid holiday and a performance bonus that seems to have been an unofficial Let's Sweep This Under The Rug payment.

     Manager Michael got sacked.  Who's the fool now, Mike?

Conrad's Armoured Underwear Repels All

Yes, I have no need to fear the fangs of the Coincidence Hydra gnawing at my tender nethers.  Unless it gets diamond crowns.

     Yesteryon we were harping on about Richard Osman and his plan to take over the world.  It turns out that his brother Matt is the bass player in the band Suede.  Art!

     No, Matt's not small; Richard is extremely large.  O, and Matt also writes novels.  Dog Buns, the Osman brothers are trying to take over the world!

The Violins Of DEATH!

No! that is not a typo for 'violence'.  Quite how Conrad came across a site called 'Sandbox' is a little unclear, as was the webpage that came up, all about unusual foreign weapons that an ex-Green Beret had used when operating abroad.  Art!

Thompson 1928 Sub-machine gun

     This is where the name 'Tommy gun' is derived from.  It's origins lay in a 'trench broom' to be used in trench fighting during the First Unpleasantness.  Instead it got to be known as a gangster gun, nicknamed the "Chicago Typewriter", usually in the configuration as above, with a 100-round drum.  Steve Balastrieri, the GB in question, said it hadn't been maintained at all yet after a considerable amount of TLC and WD40, they got it back in working condition and took turns using it.  Surprisingly enough for a weapon closing on 100 years old, it's still pretty effective at house clearing, because it fires the .45 ACP round, which is a real man-stopper at close range, and because it fires at 800 rounds per minute, which is 13 bullets per second.  Art!

Now you understand about the violins

     EGAD!  A track from "Dog Man Star" is playing - second album from Suede.

"The Sea Of Sand"

We now move from the bio-vore's unimaginatively named 'Homeworld' back to Planet Earth and the Italian raiding formation led by Tenente Dominione.

Eleven:  Moving From A To B

Dominione went from car to car, making sure the men were awake and alert, giving the order to remove camouflage netting and stow their poles.  Dusk was falling, casting a darker shadow over the watercourse from the far lip, concealing the Sahariana desert cars as they started up engines and began to move north.  

      Sarah now sported a gag, a knotted rope that went tight around her head and held her jaws slightly open.  The loudest sound she could manage was a gurgle, and since that brought a hostile glare from the soldier manning the machine gun, she refrained.

     The command car she lay in as a helpless captive was the lead vehicle, enabling her to look behind and see and see at least another dozen vehicles following, darker shapes against the watercourse.  The bottom of the wadi gradually shelved upwards, allowing the convoy to drive out onto the level stretches of gravel beyond.

     Driving slowly by compass and map, using a heavily-shielded torch to read by, Dominione led the convoy across the desert north of Mersa Martuba, then swung in to approach it from the east.  A long detour, yes, but one he felt sure would catch the British unawares, thinking that any vehicles coming from their rear would be friendly.

     Hmmm pretty canny operator, this Dominione.

Bring On "The War Illustrated"

Let me repeat that these photographs are from the conquest/liberation of Sicily, dating from August, when in fact by today's date Italy had already been invaded.  Art!

     Top port photograph shows British troops in Misterbianco - that's what the captions says, anyway - and if you look really closely at the front of the jeep at bottom port you can see a doll mascot tied to the radiator.  The photo at top starboard shows a sergeant, probably a Sapper, lifting a mine that these helpful and inquisitive locals had informed him about.  However, their proximity is also DOG BUNS DANGEROUS, since the Teutons often placed a second mine beneath the first, connected by a wire that would detonate when the first was lifted.  These people should be back at the jeep.

     Bottom photograph shows the 'Skins' a.k.a. Inskilling Fusiliers and is unusual because this is a mortar section, not normally captured on photographs.  The second man from bottom of the frame is carrying the folded-down mortar on his shoulder, and the two men behind are carrying cases of mortar bombs.  The HE bomb it fired was pretty feeble, but it was excellent for laying down smoke to cover an attack.

     Another piece of British artillery kit that the Teutons cordially loathed, this is the "Five-five", which could fire a 100 pound shell out to nine miles, outranging it's Teuton equivalent by a mile.  You can see the gunners in the bottom picture attempting to avoid imminent deafness - these things are LOUD.

Finally -

Time to post and go make toast.