Treebard

No!  That Is NOT A Typo

You're lucky that the Remote Nuclear Detonator is in for servicing.  I've been giving it a right royal pounding of late in order to vent my Frothing Nitric Ire, and you can hit a delicate piece of precision engineering only so many times before it malfunctions, especially with hands as large as mine wi

     ANYWAY you have doubtless read today's title as "Treebeard", because you were excessively hasty and were expecting an entry about "Lord Of The Rings", which is excuse enough for me to bring in a bit of click-baitiness.  Art!

     O my.  Cheer up, Frodo, it's not the end of the world.  Only nearly if you don't destroy the One Ring.  No pressure, then.

     ANYWAY what I wanted to do in this intro was narrate another case of Tree Law as sung by the Original Poster on a Youtube Reddit channel.  In case you are unfamiliar, destroying trees can be MONUMENTALLY EXPENSIVE.  I may have to split this tale up because it's a long one.

     OP said that he was looking to get rid of a few pine trees in his back garden, out of the original 12 that stood there.  His property fence backed onto a steep hillside that included a hiking trail and a river at the bottom of the hill, which supplied drinking water for the local South Canadian town - this is VERY important for later.  These trees were between 10 and 12 years old and stood between 30 to 40 feet high, and had been one of the reasons he and his wife purchased the house.  They loved those trees.

     OP contacted a contractor and got a written quote, which seemed on the high side, so he decided to keep looking and get more quotes.  Art!

Like this against a fence

     Next day he arrived home to find the contractor's trucks outside his home and workers busily cutting down his pine trees.  By the time they stopped 7 of the pines had been cut down, falling over the fence onto county land.  OP was livid with rage as he'd not signed or agreed to anything.  The contractor came and shame-facedly agreed to clean the site, with OP recording their conversation.  Wifey was horrified at the big gaps in her garden and burst into tears when looking out of the window.  Art!

     

Wifey weeps woefully

     OP then brings in an arborist (fancy name for 'tree surgeon') who inspects the damage and estimates it will cost $20,000 to replace the trees*.  The bad news is that they cannot re-plant pine trees older than 10 years, as they simply wouldn't grow.  OP then gets an attorney, at which point the contractor shrugs his shoulders and passes everything on to his insurance company.  Insurance companies will fight hard to avoid paying anything out and this one was no exception; when presented with a triple-damages bill for $60,000 they sneered and denied liability, saying that a verbal contract existed and they'd be happy to take it to court.  Art!

Hmmm looks as if the First Bus spokesdemon moonlights in insurance, too

     The insurance company then proceeded to ignore OP and his attorney, who filed suit against them, including the possible consequences of that lumber left lying on county land beyond his property.  You know, on the steep hill above a hiking trail and a river that supplied potable water to the county?  What could possibly go wrong?  Art!

This could

     During the legal process heavy rains hit the area, causing the fallen lumber to create a landslide down the hill that blocked the hiking trail and partially blocked the river.  The river supplying drinking water.  To the whole town.
     I shall pause at this point because Edna needs a trot and it's not raining yet.  Were we here at BOOJUM! to continue to conclusion it would doubtless have started to rain.

A Dream Job?

One of my ex-colleagues at Sainsbo's let slip that her husband worked in the comics business on, I think, the distribution side.  Conrad became akin to a six-foot stack of photosynthetic matter, so envious was he.  Imagine that - getting paid to work in the comics industry!

     So, Conrad was musing as he walked Edna, what would a job like that entail?  Art!

     Your Humble Scribe suspects that any job would involve proper work, not sitting around drinking tea and reading trade paperbacks.  So I looked up a job spec for them.

• Experience or knowledge of book publishing
• Strong organizational skills and attention to detail
• Excellent written and verbal communication skills
• Proven ability to prioritize multiple assignments and meet deadlines in a fast-paced environment
• Ability to work independently as well as part of a team
• Ability to build and maintain relationships across multiple teams and businesses
• Proficiency with Microsoft Word, PowerPoint, Excel, and Outlook, HootSuite, and Mailchimp (or comparable applications)

     "I can read comics really well" doesn't seem to a relevant skill.  Conrad might be able to fudge the book publishing bit with a touch of research.  However, I've never heard of 'HootSuite' (an horrid pun) or Mailchimp.  What are they?  Ah - HootSuite is a "Social Media Management Platform" - Art?

Appears to be a cheeky monkey

     Mailchimp is an 'e-mail marketing service', whatever that is.

     O well that's sunk my application already before it's been made.

"The Sea Of Sand"

Better get this in before we run out of room and time.

The Detachment Leader felt massively relieved, but of course could not show this.

     One of the Sub-Technicians raised a hand to be acknowledged.  Sorbusa raised a hand in return.

     "Detachment Leader, we have been able to monitor various wavelengths used by this planet's native species."

     "Go on."

     "They appear to be involved in an inter-species war.  This area of the continent is part of the battlefield, and the Infiltration Complex is on the periphery of a recent battle."

     Good, thought the Detachment Leader.  The more natives there were nearby the greater the bio-energy harvest would be.

     Sorbusa waved an arm for quiet, wanting to think in silence.

     So, the Sentinel Cars on sentry duty must have come across an array of the local natives, and transferred their bio-energies to the Survival Domes, allowing his Detachment to revive.  That blessed input of energy wouldn't last long, however.  They needed more, and those local natives would supply it.

     "Determine the location of the nearest natives.  We will move against them.  Also, brief and equip one technician for despatch back home via the Trans-mat.  He will carry news of what we know to our superiors."

     It's all going swimmingly for these alien infiltrators so far, isn't it**?

More Post-Apocalyptic Film References

From 'Cultured Vultures' 25 recommended films.  This tranche are all films I've seen before.  Art!

     Hmmm.  "Night Of The Comet" was in Alex Cox's 'Moviedrome' selection.  Conrad thought it was okay, nothing special for a low-budget horror film equally as about zombies as about comets.  "Turbo Kid" had almost no budget but is redeemed by sheer charm and Michael Ironside as a carpet-chewing bad guy.  "Stakeland" was a welcome change from the emo-twinkly romantic vampires that had impressionable young ladies swooning into their arms.  "IAL" didn't impress me with all it's CGI zombies.  It passed the time, which is damning with faint praise.

Finally -

Now we all know more about HootSuite and Mailchimp than we did before.  BOOJUM! - educating you one factoid at a time.

*  <sigh> yes we're going with dollars here, just to keep it simple.

**  So far.