Actually I Won't
I know, I know, I'm a terrible liar. I just couldn't think of anything that rhymed with "Isle" whilst meaning "praise" and wasn't about to spend ages doing the thesaurus thing.
This Intro was sparked by a very stupid question on Quora - Dog Buns! if you want to avoid wasting time NEVER check out Quora - which frequently has staggeringly stupid questions, so stupid that they're being asked for a bet, posted by trolls or done when the Quoran gets back from the pub. Here's one: I am moving to London for work but was told I won't be paid in US dollars, but rather in something called "British pounds". Am I being scammed?
<Shakes head wearily> Art!
The modern Ur
The question that struck me was asking whether the UK is unsafe. We shall avoid any response that mentions guns as that borders on Politics and it gets people very worked up.
SO, is the UK "unsafe"? First response: do we possess lots of horrid creepy-crawlies that lurk in Portaloos and under the floorboards, that can kill with a single venom-filled bite? Australia I'm looking at you, and South Canada gets an honourable mention. Art!
If you thought I was going to put up a Funnel-Web Spider then you clearly underestimate how scared this big fat coward is of spiders.
The answer is no, lest you be unaware. Next response: how many carnivores do we possess that will rend you limb-from-limb the instant you step outside your front door? You know, things like bears, wolves, crocodiles, cougars, big things with talons and teeth. Art!
Nice teddy
That would be another no. I think our largest carnivore is the badger, a creature one South Canadian described as so cute you can imagine it inviting in for tea and crumpets*. Third response: do we have volcanoes? Art!
Only extinct ones
Unlike Iceland or Hawaii, our volcanoes are all extinct. That above is Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh, where I have walked. Fourth response: do we have earthquakes? Art!
Not like this
Technically, we do, but they are such low-magnitude ones that they go un-noticed. I think a chimney-pot fell down once. Fifth response: do we have tornadoes, typhoons or hurricanes? I lump these all together because it's easier. Art!
Nope Still nope
We don't, so another unequivocal no. The weather here in the Allotment of Eden may get disgustrous at times but, for the most part, it won't kill you. Just don't go walking in the Highlands in winter wearing a tee-shirt and trainers. Sorry if you love that Death Valley vibe. Sixth response: are we prone to tsunamis? Art!
Another no. The seas off our shores are very well-behaved, thank you, and both know their place and stick to it.
Another reason the UK is safe is because we have a 26-mile moat separating Europe from us, a jolly useful geographical adjunct to have when the neighbours are hostile. The last time the UK was invaded it wasn't even the UK, because it happened in 1066, getting on for a thousand years ago. Art!
Absolutely correct
Wild In The Skies
Yes, another photograph from "Aircraft Of World War 1" because I can, and also because there were a lot of peculiar-looking aircraft knocking around. Art!
 |
| The Voisin LA |
You can't deny it's an odd-looking bus. The blurb states that it was fitted with a 37 mm cannon for use against other aircraft and before you ask, yes, that's a mighty big gun for an aircraft. If they used HE shells it would turn any aircraft it hit into sawdust. Art!
A different model, just to give you an idea of how whacking the cannon was.
Back To "The Sea Of Sand"
If you recall AND YOU CLEARLY OUGHT TO we had jumped from Earth in early 1941 and back to an un-named alien planet, where two humble minions were given a task to perform.
"Four bottles we wouldn't get otherwise, Farmer," replied Nurbonissa. Imgelissa tutted in amusement. Youngsters!
"Okay, I'll pull the sled for the first stretch. You can take over after one thousand paces."
The big sled stood underneath the windows of the accommodation block, harness neatly draped over the cargo boxes. Imgelissa picked up the harness links, took up the slack and dragged the sled away to the north.
Part of the reason he chose Nurbonissa was to have a new conversation topic during the dull and tiring chore.
"Now, young one, I've never been to the Inland Lakes. Others tell me they're a paradise compared to our lives here on the beaches. Is that true?"
Nurbonissa laughed a short barking laugh.
"Paradise? Paradise! Nothing like, Farmer. No, it is not true. The Overseers regularly apportion five per cent of the population to be consumed, to placate the Warriors."
Farmer Imgelissa almost turned in the traces at hearing the figure of five per cent. Here on the beach community the worst only ever amounted to two per cent.
"Five per cent! No wonder you moved."
Nurbonissa made the reflexive double-wave that implied a shrug.
And you thought your job was bad .....
The Perils Of Prose
Yes, once again I refer to "Lord Peter Wimsey The Collected Short Stories" which I would recommend as a purchase, because Hodder (the publishers) have put out several Dot Sayer's short story collections where the selling point is Lord Peter Wimsey, and they only have one or two of his stories. Very shoddy practice th
ANYWAY there were more words with clerical association that Your Humble Scribe didn't recognise, which is odd, as I've read all of M. R. James stories and lots of those concern churches.
"PISCINA" No idea what this is. Art!
Not a whole lot wiser
Apparently it's a kind of holy wash-basin. Glad we got that one cleared up. Of course it comes from Latin <hack spit> and originally meant a fish-pond, which is why Google had lots of swimming pools as a search result.
From Piscine To Picturesque
Not to say that either are exclusive. Okay, once again Conrad eliminates a bit of creative requirement by bringing up another photograph from the BBC's "Countryfile" competition. Art!
"The Three Foxateers" by Gill Brant
You cannot deny that fox kits are cute as Kreplach. One wonders how Gill got this photograph, probably with a telephoto lens because Conrad thinks kits like this would go to ground the instant they hear, see or smell Hom. Sap. Don't be fooled by those innocent little faces, when they grow up they'll steal your chickens.
Pete Waterman And His Enormous Train Set
My mate Richard mentioned he was off to see this whilst it's still on display at Chester Cathedral, so Conrad clocked it on Youtube. Art!
Yes, it is enormous. What the video explained was how much electronics and wiring are involved in setting up; you can't see it in this picture as it's all been cabled and bundled up. Art!
Setting up
Yes, all the signals work and the trains have all been 'chipped', whatever that involves. Blimey. Conrad is glad wargaming doesn't involve electricity and wiring.
Finally -
Better post and then get toast.
* They described the South Canadian badger as looking like it would shiv you in a dark alleyway
No comments:
Post a Comment