Mordor Management Needs YOU!

 We Need Customer Service Specialists For The Mordor Tourist Board

Do you want to work in a new and exciting field where your interpersonal and networking skills can be put to really good use?  Are you motivated enough to work unsupervised yet become part of an effective team?  Want a package of attractive benefits and bonuses?  Then apply to join the 

MORDOR TOURIST BOARD!

     As above, you will be promoting, amongst other things, the "Mount Doom Experience", where tourists can undergo the visceral thrill of witnessing an erupting volcano (displays at 11:30. 14:00 and 16:30*).  Please note that the "Cracks Of Doom" tour requires an additional payment, a signed waiver and disclaimer and is only available to tourists over 18 years of age.  As a member of the 

MORDOR TOURIST BOARD!

     you would also help to promote other destinations such as Cirith Ungol (not suitable for arachnophobics) and "The Web" giftshop, which retails high-quality clockwork miniatures of Shelob, as well as other lines such as 'Drained Ork Husk'.  There is also the guided tour of Minas Morgul which brings home the exciting history of this vast fortress tower; please note stragglers here tend to vanish, so again a waiver and disclaimer is required for each person.

     

The delicate aura of Minas Morgul

     We offer the opportunity to study the ecology and wildlife of The Dead Marshes on a day trip, because, despite the name, these marshes are definitely not dead!  Tourists can discover for themselves the extensive insect-life that preys on warm-blooded creatures, in addition to the life-like holograms depicting long-dead bodies beneath the marsh's surface.  You can cover any qualms by stating boats are provided if desired.

Tourists in the Dead Marshes with local guide

     I know you're asking - "What kind of environment will I be working in?" at the 

MORDOR TOURIST BOARD!

         We can offer you the very finest stone cells in Barad Dur, which provide warmth when it's cold, and coolness when it's hot.  Our Senior Management Team is always available for consultation and advice, and the CEO, Sauron, is incredibly vigilant and hands-on, even going so far - we jokingly say! - never closing his eyes.

SMT riding to the rescue!

The CEO's office surveillance system

     We offer a 3 shift, 8 hour work day, with every third Saturday a required working day, but you will get a day off in the week as compensation.  37 days annual leave, a 45 minute lunch break, a union closed shop and gift vouchers for going above and beyond.  Initially you will serve a 3 month probation period, during which you may be terminated without reason, but funeral costs will be paid for in that instance.

     So - do you have what it takes to work for the -

MORDOR TOURIST BOARD!

"Get To Zee Chopper"

Yes, we're back to that tale of Tree Law, where an incompetent and bungling contractor had cut down Original Posters pine trees without permission.  The contractor's insurance company was ignoring OP and his attorney's demand for $60,000 compensation, regarding it as way too much.

     Then - disaster.  The fallen trees hadn't been removed from where they'd fallen, and they'd fallen on a steep hill leading to the river that provided the county's drinking water.  Enter heavy rains and there's a landslide caused by the fallen lumber that blocks the river.

     Ooops.  Art?

This kind of thing

     The town council is furious and contracted an engineering firm to carry out remedial work to OP's property, since half his fence had gone with the landslide, as well as more trees, in addition to dredging the river and building a long artificial embankment to replace the original destroyed one.

     OP's attorney files to have the case heard on an emergency basis, given the urgency of the engineering works undertaken.  Within days, after having ignored the case for months, the President of the insurance company contacts OP to settle out of court, because his attorney had a mountain of evidence that would have damned them - and they'd have had to pay out not merely a settlement but punitive damages, too.  Art!

     They ended up paying OP $300,000, and after paying out for everything, he still ended up with $100,000.  I know what you're thinking here - 'O the insurance company got stung for 5 times what they could have paid originally.  What fools!'

    Not quite.  Remember those engineers?  Their fee was $1.5 million, and the county got every penny of that from the insurers, in addition to getting the rest of the contractors liability, which had been set at $2 million.   The county also  imposed stringent fines on the contractor and revoked his licence.  When OP checked on Google after the whole affair the contractor's business had vanished, nor did his phone number work.

     Tree law - it has a bite worse than it's bark.

Back To "The Sea Of Sand"

We shall now shift focus, from the aliens at Makin-Al Jinni, to the fugitives fleeing the dig.

Fumbling slightly with the keys for the Chevrolet, Albert started up and drove straight away from Makin-Al Jinni, not looking backwards.  He half-regretted leaving the Webley with the Doctor, especially since the man had looked at it as if it would turn in his hands and bite.

     Professor Templeman sighed heavily, looking in the mirror and holding his head with both hands.

     "One of the greatest discoveries of the age, Albert, and we have to abandon it.  Living proof of creatures from other worlds!  Alien technology, alien equipment, aliens walking about, and we have to leave it all behind.'

     "We're alive, Professor.  If we'd stayed behind we wouldn't be.  I've no idea how Doctor Smith is going to get closer to those monsters, nor what he's going to do when he does.'

     Albert dropped a gear to drive up an inclined bank of sandstone.

     "I don't know what the soldiers at Martuba are going to say.  Captain Dobie isn't very fond of us in the first place.'

     The Professor's faced expressed craftiness.

     "Ah, but we will approach Roger first.  Lieutenant Llewellyn."

Resurrected

Conrad, being a simple man at heart, loved loved loved his Thunderbirds alarm clock.  I've got a photograph of it here in the Picture files.  Art!

     However, of late it has not been working, for when the hour hand intersected the alarm hand all that happened was a barely audible "Clack".  Conrad considered it might have died and needed to be interred <sad face>.

     Or - could the batteries have died?  It was purchased five months ago.  I swapped out the old batteries and slid the alarm hand around to th

"FIVE 

FOUR

THREE

TWO 

ONE

THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!"

     boomed Jeff Tracy.  Yes!  Working again.  This thing is LOUD and when functioning like this there's no way you can sleep in <happy face>.

Finally -

Holy heck, are things kicking off in Ukraine or what!  The situation is so bad that even pro-Ruffian vloggers are admitting it's a disaster.

     Conrad is not exactly being altruistic about this, because the sooner Ruffia gets rid of Bloaty Gas Tout and rejoins the community of nations as a decent sort, we may get a second season of "To The Lake".  It's a Ruffian apocalyptic thriller about a global killer pandemic and was EXTREMELY negative about the Ruffian state, Ruffian police and Ruffian soldiers, so much so that I'm surprised it 1) got made and 2) got past the censors.  Art!

We can only hope

*  These may be delayed or postponed if Barad-Dur's production schedule changes.