Your Humble Scribe, as is his wont, was poking around teh Interwebz last night and came across a trailer for a film called "Nobody", which featured a gigantic pile of cash being burned. Art!
This is the best I can find at short notice, apologies for that. Of course, it reflects that rather larger and fiercer fire in Batman "The Dark Knight" where the Joker has a bonfire of big bucks - Art!
As you know, Conrad is a pedantic hair-splitter of the best/worst <delete where applicable> kind and naturally paid close attention to both scenes.
I think we have a problem here. Yes, both scenes are entertaining, and horrifying to those scraping to get by to their next wage, yet - how realistic are they? What you see are the outer layers of the cash burning; the core bundles will in fact be insulated from heat by the outer layers and there is a definite risk of the fire going out with only a relatively thin surface boundary being burned. To ensure proper, thorough destruction one would need to get in there with a pitchfork and hurl bundles hither and yon in order to properly aerate the whole mass. And I don't see anyone wearing a fireproof suit in either shot. Art!
Unsurprisingly, there are not many shots of giant cash piles on fire. That above is the way to go, all rumpled loose bills with lots of room for oxygen to get in and allow combustion.
And thus we have today's title. Because it's July, since you ask.
Next question: can the motley outrun fire? We'll give it a head start before we ignite the petrol trail, and there won't be much in the cans anyway. Art!
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| Not with soft drinks, obviously |
After The Adjournment
As you ought to recall from yesteryon, we are currently applying our jaundiced, partisan and hyper-critical* eye upon that grisly nursery rhyme "Who Killed Cock Robin" and already have a defendant who's confessed and an eye-witness. Let the court continue!
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| I say, that's a bit bleak |
"Who'll make the shroud?
I, said the beetle,
With my thread and needle,
I'll make the shroud"
Er - okay. Thanks for the offer. You do realise this shroud needs to be 180 times your body size to fit a male adult robin?
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| No, NOT twice the size. ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY TIMES the size. |
"Who'll dig his grave?
I, said the Owl,
With my pick and shovel,
I'll dig his grave"
Whoah, steady on! I don't think the autopsy's even been done yet - and how come your offer of donated work doesn't rhyme? Hmmm? Also, given that you have no mutually-opposable digits, your digging is going to be pretty woeful. You're not friends with a mole, are you?
"Who'll be the parson?
I, said the rook,
With my little book,
I''ll be the parson"
Judge! Can these creatures stop causing trouble with their unwanted interruptions? We have no evidence that Cock Robin was of any religious denomination, and the executors haven't provided any notarised proof that he wanted clerical representation at his graveside.
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| Conrad unsure if this book is appropriate |
<sighs heavily> a prosecutors job is never an easy one. Your Honour, can I call for another adjournment? On the grounds of conduct prejudicial to a fair trial. And could you instruct the bailiffs to move Fish on from outside the courthouse? He was waiting in the car park yesterday, and he scares small children and nervous pensioners. Thank you.
There will now be a short pause as I go to refill my mug of tea.
"Under The Stars"
Back to that collection of photographs that contributors from around the globe sent in to the BBC. A lot of them feature the Milky Way, our home galaxy, composed of billions of stars, so very definitely under them. Art!
This was taken by Chad Powell on the Isle of Wight, in the small hours and with the town of Wroxall in the background. This photo echoes that one from the APOTY shortlist of a lavender field in France. No lavender here, only a tree, and the Milky Way arching like a bridge of stars.
From The Heavenly To The Hellish
YES! I'm here to chew bubble-gum and kick bottom, and I'm all out of bubble-gum. Yes yes yes I could pop up to the shops and get some, it's the attitude I'm going for, not chicle.
ANYWAY I refer, of course - obviously! - to Codeword solutions. SIT BACK DOWN! You'd better listen to this, it's the only thing that'll save your descendants from slavery in the uranium mines.
"PIQUANCY": I thought so. Derived from sixteenth-century French "piquer" meaning "to prickle". In this sense it means to be agreeably spicy.
WHAT, ARE WE SUDDENLY MEDIEVAL FRENCH WEAVERS NOW?
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| Get your prickles from that |
"PAROXYSM": Somewhat incredibly, Conrad guessed this solution immediately having started, because one possible solution had PAR_._._._._ if the first letter was "P" and Conrad has used this word on BOOJUM! several times, unlike you out there frowning and reaching for the dictionary. It means "An uncontrollable outburst", is derived from the Greek which I'm not going into as it's deadly dull, and Conrad usually describes his response to these Codeword solutions as "A paroxysm of rage". Art!
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| Your Humble Scribe, paroxysming |
"GITE": Conrad had to look this one up. Apparently it's a French cottage available for hire in the holiday season, self-catering. O really? WHAT, ARE WE NOW FRENCH PROPERTY EXPERTS AS WELL AS WEAVERS? Pronunciation is uncertain, so Conrad declares it to be "Git" because that's what the compiler is, and you can go look it up if baffled by English slang. Bah!
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| A bit of a git |
I have a lot more ire to sire, O yes indeed. However, too much of a bad thing can lead to high blood pressure and frothing uncontrollably at the mouth**.
Finally -
It is stiflingly hot in the Sekrit Layr, even with both windows open, the door firmly ajar, the dehumidifier going and my doughty digital desk fan whirring away wildly. It is so hot that I have to leave the windows open all night, which is not conducive to a good night's sleep as a surprisingly large number of motorists like to drive at over seventy miles per hour during night-time on blind bends with concealed entrances. Sudden loud jarring crashing noises disturb my beauty sleep, you see, and Conrad needs all he can get.
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| Proof of the assertion |
* Not to be confused with "hypocritical" although we are that, too
** How I usually start and end the day.
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