The Chemical Bothers

Once Again My Finger Is Poised

POISED! I tell you, for NO we are not talking about the epic electronic-cum-rock band The Chemical Brothers, even if I do have all their records bar that one which is only a collection of singles, and they will have to try really, really hard to ever better "Surrender" because "Born In The Echoes" was fairly disappointing.

Wonders of the Deep

    Which, as ever, is us going on about what we're not going to go on about.  Forsooth, we are back at the Darwin Awards, because I came across a bunch of aspirants to this title, and - tasteless as I am - it suggested tonight's title.  There was this bunch of backpackers at a hostel in Perth - Perth, Australia, not Perth Scotland - and O what's this?  It's a package that's been delivered from New York, care of nobody in the hostel.  Our intrepid international travellers decide to open mail that isn't theirs (shockingly bad manners; none of them British, you see <tuts sternly and  disapprovingly>) .  They discover a bag of white powder with the name "SCOOP" attached.

CAUTION! Snorting chalk dust turns your snot white

     Now, had Conrad been there, the first thing that would have popped up in his fervid mind would have been PROJECT SCOOP, the South Canadian program that attempted to harvest micro-organisms from Near Earth Orbit, as documented in the expose "The Andromeda Strain".  Of course it all went horribly wrong, and as a result Your Humble Scribe would be in a hazmat suit outside the hostel ringing for assistance.

As scary as a John Carpenter documentary

     Certainly NOT dividing the mystery powder into nine portions, which were then snorted by nine of the hostel residents <facepalm of a facepalm>.

     At this point the bother began, because they had just massively overdosed on Hyocine, also known as Scopolamine, which has legitimate medical uses when administered in the proper dosage by trained medical personnel.  They began hallucinating, suffering seizures and becoming unconscious.  Fortunately a couple of other residents had the sense not to inhale who-knows-what-in-powder-form, and called the police and ambulances.  It looks like all nine survived, a couple after being put into a medically-induced coma, and with potential long-term health consequences for them.

HAD THEY NOT SEEN "PULP FICTION"?!?!

     So you can say in this case that the chemicals certainly did bother, although having the attitude of "My body is a dumpster" doesn't help, either.

     Motley, would you like some sherbet?

"No!  She's not a vampire!"

Conrad Is Hmmmmm

Not himself (although your mileage may vary on this one) but his reaction to drinking that "Rapscallion" he bought a couple of weeks ago.  Art?

     It has a citrus flavour to it, rather like several of the Brewdog Beer Advent Calendar varieties did, which Your Modest Scribe is pretty ambivalent about.  At least it's not chocolate-flavoured, which Conrad has discovered he likes about as much as parsnips or pineapple.  Plus it's expensive for what you get, and since it was only purchased as a visual pun, we here at BOOJUM! do not see it ever being bought again.

      You have been warned.  BOOJUM! - drinking the devil's brews so you don't have to*.

The Whys Of "Y"

You may remember how Conrad described the successful beginning, muddled middle and depressing end process of the British landings at "Y" Beach at Gallipoli, and you should recall because it was only a couple of days past that I posted it.  I also threatened to deliver my own pontification about why things went so badly wrong, because once again whose blog is it?  Art!

     It looks as if everything that could be planned ahead of the landings had been done, except there were very significant gaps in what the Allies knew**.  Very poor intelligence on what Turkish units were where, for one thing, meaning nobody in command knew what was going to hit them from where, nor in what strength.  Very little photography had been done, so the Turkish trenches and wire were, again, an unknown quantity.  There simply weren't the planes, cameras nor experienced airmen to remedy this failing.  Art!

A seaplane gets put down
(in a manner of speaking)

     There were few maps, none of which were accurate, a crucial weakness when moving into and across new terrain, because those in command had only a sketchy awareness of where they were, and where everyone else was.

     We have already mentioned the defective communications, as being unreliable, unresponsive and inflexible.

     Perhaps the biggest problem was lack of training.  None of the troops had practiced moving ashore under fire, or making an amphibious assault, nor had the Navy, and this showed when things went pear-shaped; lack of experience meant confusion and disorder.  Contrast this with the extremely thorough preparation for Operation Overlord, with units of up to Army Corps size practicing assault landings.

"The much-hated solar topee was about to die ..."

     I think that's enough lambasting for one night.  We may come back to this, it has legs, and I'm only half-way through Volume 1; Volume 2 is even longer.

Now Perseverance

I like to wait and let all the excitement die down before re-visiting a topic such as this.  You will doubtless have seen pictures from the rover, sitting on the Martian surface, and of course countless wags have been spoofing these with all sorts of pop culture additions.  Not seen any Ice Warriors yet, mind.

     The thing that impressed Conrad was the landing method used to get faithful rover to the Martian surface.  Art?

     It might look a bit Heath Robinson (Rube Goldberg for our South Canadian colleagues), yet it worked, and splendidly so.  There was even camera footage of the lander coming in to drop off the rover, which has to be a first.  Art?

     Hom. Sap.; a definite threat to the galaxy, if they can be bothered.

Finally -

Well, I shall probably be watching the film "Dalek Invasion Of Earth 2150" later tonight, featuring the late great Peter Cushing (a keen wargamer, you know) and Bernard Cribbins (he was in "The Longest Day", you know).  This is Degsy's fault as he put them on the same flash-drive as "The Mandalorian", so it would be rude not to repay his generosity.

The motorised dustbins attack!

     And with that, we are O so done.

*  No thanks needed.  A Comment or two would be nice.

**  I say "Allies" so we can spread the blame across the French, too.