Let's Have A Round Of Applause For Brave Dave

Because Conrad Has Been Watching "How To Cook That"

You know, the channel on Youtube run by food scientist Ann Reardon, which is not merely about forensic and remedial cooking, because Crusader Ann also periodically tackles the pandemic of lying, cheating, dishonest and thoroughly despicable "Life Hacks" that infest Youtube.  Art!

     She lives in Australia, The Country That Is Always Trying To Kill You; as proof of which, during one film clip a funnel-web spider ran over her foot.  These little horrors are extremely aggressive and bite bite bite, and are venomous enough to kill.  Conrad is not going to picture one, because he is a snivelling coward when it comes to arachnids.

     ANYWAY Dave is Ann's long-suffering husband, who is the guinea pig for whatever she has cooked up from a Life Hack lie.  Only rarely does she produce something palatable, yet Dave still keeps on testing and tasting.  We shall have a picture of him later.  This time she was addressing an allegation that you can make 'lollies' with Skittles and a waffle-maker.  Art!

     Here is the "Before" shot, with lolly sticks and a colourful array of Skittles <shakes an angry diabetic hand at Skittles>.

     Here is the "After" shot, with pristine lollies produced within minutes.  Ann didn't have a waffle-maker, so she went out and bought on - COMMITMENT TO THE TRUTH!

     After a minute there was smoke, so Ann lifted the lid to see the damage.  It didn't look promising.  Not at all.  A seething mess is how Your Humble Scribe would describe it.

     There you have the deceitful life hack pictures at top, and Ann's honest farrago of foulness at bottom.  The sticks didn't stick, because when the Skittles melted they sank; and then they stuck to the waffle-maker.  One quarter came loose easily enough because Ann cannily sprayed non-stick oil on it; for the rest she had to re-heat and scrape it loose.  AND it took 3 hours for the ghastly mess to cool enough to be manageable.  So much for "quick".

     Here is Dave, suffering so that you don't need to.  A moment's silent recognition for Dave, please.  We may come back to this video of Ann's debunking various LIARS AND CHEATS, because The Truth Will Out*.

     Motley!  Do you want some coal-flavoured ice-cream?

"Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter"

You know you oughta.  For Lo! we continue with the latter stories about "Le Mort D'Arthur" SIT BACK DOWN! I have more to say on the subject and you're going to hear it.

     When I say "Daughter" of course I mean "Son", for King Arthur had very unwisely left his son, Sir Mordred, in charge of England whilst he was off laying siege to Bayonne.  Sir Mo, being an ambitious little back-stabber, forged letters saying Kingy was dead, which meant he was now King.  He also tried to lay hands upon Queen Guenevere, who was having none of it, and whom locked herself up with a small army and large provisions in the Tower Of London.  Art!

Sir Mo: fourteenth century sex pest

     Methinks he didn't really plan this properly, because Kingy, being not remotely dead (or even a bit poorly), hears of these shenanigans - a strong word, I know, yet wholly applicable - and lifts the siege of Bayonne, returning to Dover with his army.  Sir Mo is waiting with "an hundred thousand men" (and perhaps a few daughters), which again STOP RIGHT THERE!  Divide by ten to get a more realistic figure.  Art!

Foining.  That's what they're doing.  Glad we got that cleared up.

     We are not informed how large Kingy's army is.  It was "threescore thousand" when it left for France, and after six months sitting in a muddy field in the middle of winter, not to mention having angry Frenchmen loosing slings and arrows at them, their numbers will have been reduced a lot.  They still manage to get ashore, and en masse, which goes to show that Sir Mo is not very ept as a commander.  He had a healthy respect for his own skin, mind you, since he fled with promptness when the battle turned against him.  Oddly enough, he was the only one of the party sent to arrest Sir Launcelot who survived, which again infers a certain delicacy about the sanctity of his skin**.  Art!

Pig-sticker and gizzard about to interface

     

     Well well George Sewell, Conrad bets Sir Mo didn't expect that as an outcome.  Whatever will he do next?
     Find out in our next thrilling instalment***!

O Schadenfreude

It almost sounds like a Teuton Christmas carol, doesn't it?  Mince pies, brandy butter, Christmas cake ALL THE THINGS I CANNOT HAVE -

    Fortunately, it is nothing to do with goodwill and peace on earth.  As you should remember, it is Teuton for the malicious enjoyment of other people's misfortune.  Yesterday it was "Batwoman" and today -

     ""Also, may I thank Liverpool and in particular their goalkeeper Mr. Bean for cheering us all up in the dark miserable days."

     You see, this is a comment on the BBC's Have Your Say about a ballfoot team called "Liverpool", whom appear to have lost several "matches" recently, when their "goalkeeper" performed exceedingly poorly, allowing their opponents to "Score goals".  Apologies for the flood of technical terms.

     Mister Bean, for those of you who have been living atop a pole in the middle of the Gobi desert for the past twenty years, is the ineffable bungling idiot whom gets himself into all sorts of terrible physical troubles. Art!

     So this comment is an especially soft but deadly insult.  No, I don't know who their opponents were, nor do I care.

Finally -

Well, it's now half-way through the month of February and not a sniff of the supposed television series "Mega-City One".  I'm not going to embolden and fuschify that title because it doesn't exist yet.  However, in reference to another 2000AD comic strip previously mentioned, I haven't finished telling you all about "The A.B.C. Warriors", have I?

     We have already met Hammerstein, their nominal leader.  Allow Conrad to introduce Mongrol.  Art!

     As you may suspect, Mongrol is a bit of a brute.  He was built out of salvaged robot parts from the neck downwards, by the human Lara, as an act of defiance against the Volgans (think Ruffians crossed with Sinisters, with fewer moral scruples).  The Volgans, foolishly, executed Lara, at which point Mongrol decided that the world will be a better place without any Volgans.

Not big on the finer points of theosophical debate

     And that's all we've got time for today.  Toodle Pip!

*  It sometimes Ins, but it's usually Out.

**  Conrad is politely calling him a CHICKEN.

***  You opinion may vary.  However, once again, whose blog is it?