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Sunday, 14 February 2021

Back From The Dead

I Think

The language can be a bit difficult when dealing with English that dates from the fifteenth century, for yes, we are dealing with "Le Mort D'Arthur" - there there, don't cry, I'm up to page 750, not long to go - and yes, Arthur is still in fine fettle, not even a cough to trouble him.  Sir Tom?  Where I come from that's called "False Advertising".

     Now, the book has been out for five hundred and fifty years, but because I'm such a nice kind person I warn you HERE BE SPOILERS.

Sir T

     You see, the murder of Sir T by wicked King Mark is mentioned off-handedly, once, ages ago in the narrative, and only now is it mentioned in slightly more detail.  You get the feeling that Sir Thomas Malory dropped a chapter on the floor and his dog ate it, and being old and a bit potty, he completely forgot about it, as it was such a rushed conclusion.  Now, this is what is written on page 738 of my edition: "Also that traitor king slew the noble knight Sir Tristram, as he sat harping afore his lady La Beale Isoud, with a trenchant glaive".  Art!

"Trenchant glaive" = "Whopping big sword"

     King Mark did have a smidgeon of justification, in that La Beale Isoud was his wife; still, there are punishments like exile or prison, rather than a dagger in the back

     Here an aside.  Whilst listening to Jim on the last "We Have Ways" podcast, he mentioned that the Auxiliary Unit's principal weapon would be the Fairburn-Sykes knife, as it was silent and lethal in trained hands.  Art?

A trenchant little glaive indeed

     He also said that the best way to get rid of hapless Teuton sentries was to stab them in one of their kidneys, as the pain was so excruciatingly intense it resulted in immediate death.  O YES AND HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT JIM?

     ANYWAY back to LMDA.  A sentence later we read " - and Sir Tristram slew King Mark, and La Beale Isoud died swooning on the corse of Sir Tristram."

     "Corse" here is obviously not that region of France thus named in the local dialect, which we know better as -

- Corsica
     
     - and is an old variant for "Corpse".  It crops up in the poetry of John Donne, if you care to know.

     ANYWAY - wasn't Sir T just killed?  Did he re-animate to revenge himself, like one of the violent vengeful victims in an EC horror comic?  But there he is dead, again.  What's going on here, is he dead or not?  I know what you're thinking (and yes, I did return the Telepathy Helmet to D.A.R.P.A., it's a figure of speech) - Kingy didn't manage to do the job properly (he missed the kidneys) and merely inflicted a fatal wound, whereupon Sir T brained him with his harp.  Or, perhaps <indulges sinister nature> if the strings were stout enough, he egg-sliced him to death before succumbing to his injury.

The adept can get a tune out of one of these
     

     Motley!  Would you like a bit of salad?  No, no, that's beetroot juice.  Beetroot juice, honestly.

Conrad Is ANGRY!

No, it doesn't take much.  Yes, it's the Dog Buns! Codeword again.  No, not the one in the "Oldham Times", I managed that one in about 12 minutes <pause for applause, hears none, sulks>.  Conrad is sure you'll all agree when I expound further.

"PUTSCH": Really?  Really!  I mean, come on.  The only time this word is ever used is in describing Herr Schickelgruber's unsuccessful power-grab of 1923, the "Beer Hall Putsch".  One suspects this began at closing time after a long session spent in the beer hall, imbibing freely of it's wares.  Art!

"Damn - someone's nicked me wallet!"
     For those of a cultural bent, the word comes from Swiss, and means "Push", as in pushing a government out of power.
     "OSTIA": WHAT IS IT WITH FOREIGN WORDS! <short pause for the red mists to recede> This is an historic Roman city, not far from Rome itself.  Yes I got it because I am well-read in ancient history; how would you have fared?

Ostia

"SYNERGISM": ARE YOU SERIOUS!  Now - now can you see why Your Humble Scribe is angry?  This is the alternative form of "Synergy"; of course we already knew that it is the end result of separate entities being greater than the simple sum of their component parts.  Art!


     One example that comes to mind is that of hypergolic fuels, where two liquids are brought into contact and automatically combust, without needing an ignition source.  Say Hydrazine and Nitrogen Tetroxide.  

     And it has it's etymological roots in Greek <spits>, from "Sun" meaning "With" and "Ergos" meaning "Work", via the Latin <spits even more> "Synergia".

"ESPY":  I mean, come on - who on earth uses "espy" either in spoken or written form?  It must have gone out of use back in Victorian times.  Probably present in Dickens, however I am not trawling through thousands of pages to find out, so you'll just have to take it on trust.


     That's the closest I could get.  You can tell he's a spy because of the Homburg hat.  Only spies wear them.


"Buck Rogers"

No, NOT the song by Feeder, even though it is cool and graced an advert, where it was the best part and completely occluded whatever was being advertised, so not a great recommendation for it, whichever it might be.

     No, I am talking, of course - obviously! - about the old 1939 film serial, which stars Larry "Buster" Crabbe as Buck.  Art!

Sadly only in monochrome <sad face>

    The opening episode sees our hero and his sidekick put themselves into a stupor using gin "Navarro gas", which allows them to survive 500 years entombed in ice.  Then arrive some characters from the 25th century, and Lo! they use the same buzzing, sparking, smoking jet-propelled - er - jets that we are familiar with from "Flash Gordon".  Art!

I use the term "jets" very loosely

     They disintegrate their way through the ice shrouding our heroes dirigible, using their - er - disintegrator pistols, which interestingly enough don't produce any steam or even water.  More like handwavium pistols if you ask me*.  And then it's off to the Hidden City, which hides by being inside a mountain with giant doors.  No, I shan't show you a picture.  That way it stays hidden, and the agents of Killer Kane cannot find it.

     Who's he?  Why, only the ruler of the world.  Art!

Only the truly eeeeeevil wear shoulder-pads like that

     Mister Kane has come to power because he's a gangster, apparently, which is all Buck's fault because he didn't tackle organised crime at the time, and thus the Mob took over <bites tongue savagely to avoid making jokes about politicians>.  We shall come back to this, O believe me yes we will**!




*  I know you didn't.  Figure of speech, once again.  Do keep up!

**  Possibly between looking at "Wolf Hall"

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