Freestyling Coke

What?  What Are You Lot Sniggering At?

WASH OUT YOUR DISGUSTING MINDS!  <sighs in disbelief> really, talk about lowest possible moral standing, you people belong in a hive of scum and villainy.  

See?  The Doctor disapproves.

You're thinking about that extremely dangerous process that reprobates used to affect back in the Eighties, aren't you?  Where they dissolved cocaine in a solution of ether, and then heated the resulting emulsion, so they could inhale the fumes.  Or do an impression of Human Spontaneous Combustibility.  Normally you cannot smoke cocaine, and this was the process to make it smokable, except for the killer fact that ETHER IS INCREDIBLY VOLATILE AND FLAMMABLE.  A minor but telling point.  "Freebasing" is the word you're looking for.

Just say O

     Whilst it would be fascinating to review how many people have fricasseed themselves into intensive care via this inflammatory art, it would also be visually rather horrid and probably put you off your tea.  So instead let us look at a Coke Freestyle Machine.  Art!

     These state-of-the-art gadgets can procure you 165 different flavours of carbonated swill, and because they cost at least £9,000 per machine, you can bet you're going to pay through both nostrils and your ears to boot.  It's all very intensely monitored, with data transmission going back to the Evil Empire's Coca-Cola's nearest corporate hive of headquarters about what flavours are being purchased, and when, and in what amount, and which are about to run out.  Art!

The evil interior

     However.  There is another side to this devilish computerised coke dispenser, in that it was designed by a chap called Dean Kamen as part of a deal for Coke to sponsor and promote his "Slingshot" clean water purifier.  No, the Slingshot isn't a device for bored Californian housewives to refill their Pur 'N' Kleen bottles with; it's designed for use in the Third World where folks have no access to clean water, and you can process anything liquid with it: seawater, sewage, scum, industrial waste.  Art!

     So it looks like Coke are hedging their bets a little.

     Kamen's an interesting chap, as are his family.  I think we'll come back to them*.

Help! Horrid Hostile Hops!

No, Vulnavia, we are not talking about jumping up and down on one leg.  Besides, how could you take any villain seriously if all they did was bob up and down?  I mean, how could they efficiently chase the fleeing heroine WASH OUT YOUR FILTHY SEWER-LIKE MINDS AND FORGET FREEBASING! if she flees up or down a flight of stairs? ' "I overbalanced, Boss, and fell down the subway steps" explained the hapless, head-bandaged minion to Hyper-Hopper, whom promptly disintegrated him.'

     Enough of what we not.  Art!

E.P.A.

     Yes, yes, yes, Marston's allege that is stands for "English Pale Ale".  NO!  You see that chap on stilts at the side?  He's working for the Environmental Protection Agency, and his job is to collect those dangerously toxic exploding hops before they reach maturity and attempt to take over the world**.

     O, the beer itself?  I've got no idea what it tastes like - you don't think I purchase this stuff for the taste, do you?  Good lord aloft, next I'll be accused of buying newspapers to read!

The Bloody Aftermath

<narrows eyes in either what is a threatening manner or the symptom of a migraine headache> you ought to know by now that BOOJUM! does not swear, for we cherish our SFW status.  If we invoke gore, that's because there has been a sanguinary event involving at least a little blood-letting.  For Lo! tonight we return to "Le Mort D'Arthur" and this time we refer back to that un-named castle where dwelt the lady sick, who needed a bucket of blood to be made whole again.  Art!

One Michelin Star only

     If we assume that each time the inhabitants of this castle had liberated two pints from each passing lady - Conrad estimating that this would be the minimum amount needed to have someone polka off this mortal coil - and there were sixty tombs of their victims, then they'd rendered fifteen gallons of human go-juice.

     This does not go down well with God.  Not at all, for when Sir Galahad, Sir Bors and Sir Ector returned to see if the castle's got another star, they discover everyone stone dead, and "A voice says -" (this happens a lot) that this is their just desserts and our trio hastily depart.  Sir Tom never mentions if the lady sick got out alive or not.  Way to go, Tom, inventor of the cliffhanger, hmmmm?

<Conrad tuts angrily>

Bordering On Politics

Conrad has been rewatching a few clips from "A Bridge Too Far" on Youtube, for no good reason other than he can do, and the opening attack of XXX WASH OUT YOUR DIRTY MINDS! which is Roman for "30" Corps has an awesomely accurate replication of a British artillery barrage.  Apparently some of these were real artillery shells being fired from real 25 pounder artillery pieces,on an "Impact Range", which is why it looks so real.

British tourists having fun

     ANYWAY that's not what I wanted to comment about.  For Your Humble Scribe has been watching a South Canadian Youtube channel that goes under the title of "The Damage Report".  This is a political broadcast, I make no bones about it, and the two usual presenters also make no bones about not having Mister Trump on their Christmas card list.  John, the chief broadcaster, was averring about how Mister Trump is going to be looked at with some citric scrutiny in a few days time - you might have missed this - and pondered what act he needed to perform in order to have his peers indict him.  The phrase he used was "What will be a bridge too far?"

"I say!  That sounds like a title ..."

Finally -

Conrad has been pointing and laughing at the CW's "Batwoman" of late, which bounced back triumphantly to a record-smashing total of <drum roll and trumpets> 700,000 viewers on 31/01/2020.  Okay, they actually clawed back 80,000 viewers - but 700,000 is still poor (about 10% of the figures "Supergirl" was consistently getting) and they didn't dare put it on when the South Canadian 'Super Bowl' event was broadcast on this Sunday.  So no dumpster-fire trainwreck for Conrad to mock <sad face> until next week <happy face>.

Quick!  Give her a television series on CW!

     And with that, we are done.  O yes we are.

*  This is Conrad for "We'll most certainly come back to them"

**  A sentence lightly salted with untruth.