Per Severance

MY REMOTE NUCLEAR DETONATOR STANDS READY!

So, any of you pikers who gargle knowingly about Conrad's inability to type properly will be instantly converted into plasma vapour, to the detriment of passers-by.

     Yes Yes Yes, I know what you're thinking: "Oooh, oooh, he's going to go on about the Martian rover, 'Perseverance'.

     WRONG!

     

This, Vulnavia, is how Mars feels right now

     

     For we have already gone on about Perseverance here on the blog, last summer in fact, and if you don't recall that then I doubt your long-term commitment to the blog and thus your descendant's survival in 2276 when my starship invasion fleet arrives.  If you recall, the rover is only Step One of four, being the scout that will collect and bottle samples of the Martian soils.  Then comes the 'Fetch' rover, which will gather all these scattered samples -

     ANYWAY that's not what this Intro is about.  Do keep up!  You see, we are back on the subject of Darwin Award winners, a club there is never going to be a shortage entrants for, as long as there is alcohol, stupidity and big sharp things moving at speed.  The title is a bit of poetic licence, as all body parts remained attached, if not in complete wholeness.  Art!

Lani Kai, Fort Myers, South Canada

     As you can plainly see, this is simply a stretch of beach, not a harbour or marina, meaning folks can and do just park anchor their boat, then go ashore for pizza and cocktails.  Yes, there is a marina on the other side of the peninsula, but you doubtless have to pay to park anchor there, and it would take far longer to sail and then walk.  Hom. Sap. will never conquer the galaxy - too lazy by far.

     The lady in question was attempting to push her boat off the beach, where it had become grounded whilst she was off gallivanting.  Fine - except that her partner was in the boat, revving the engine.  And both had been guzzling aforementioned cocktails.  Did I say "engine"?  Actually there were three, each ending in a big, shiny, sharp, spinning propeller.  And hubby had thoughtfully tilted them upwards, making sure that each of the whirling blades of doom presented even more surface area.

     

     You can guess where this is going, can't you?  One of the golden rules of boating is never to be near an engine when it's running, because fatal injury.  The inevitable happened as the lady pushed and the engines revved - the boat shot forward all of a few inches, grounded again and she fell head-first onto the propellers.

     Here's another shot of Lani Kai.  Art!

     Note the TRACTOR at lower port, there to help get boats onto and off the beach.  They need to be paid, though.

     So, gentle reader, remember that boats and alcohol do not mix.  Or always have a designated sailor, who can mind your yacht whilst it's parked anchored and you're off wrapping yourself around a gin or two*.

Here An Aside

I was going to add in more about NASA's Martian mission, because once Fetch the faithful hound - er - rover, has collected all those samples, they still have to get back to Earth, which is accomplished by sending them back via satellite, and the samples get delivered to said satellite by the Mars Ascent Vehicle.  Art!

     Hey what say what?  This looks FAR too large, and in kit form already when it's not - and then I realised we are looking at a different spacecraft that has the same title.  Art!

     Not only has Conrad seen the film, he's also read the book, which is sitting in a bag waiting until the charity shops open again.  The real-life MAV is considerably more puny than "The Martian" version.  Art!

Yet still cute

     Watch this space**.

The Haul

Alas, this is what comes of reading "Monty's Men" and checking the bibliography for works mentioned.  But I am getting rid of one book for every new one.  Art!

     That cover picture on Robert Boscawen's book has been extensively used whenever a photograph of "A British Tank" was needed, and it was informative to know that it's the author's tank and crew.  Technically it's a South Canadian tank, the Sherman, which was a model of reliability and ease of maintenance compared to every other tank of the Second Unpleasantness; however, that whacking big gun it sports is a 17-pounder as made by Perfidious Albion, which would knock the stuffing out of any Hun tank on the battlefield.  So a bit of a half-breed.
     Not even touched the other book yet.  I also got "Fields Of Fire" by Jack Swaab and for reasons unknown didn't bother taking a photograph.  Art!

     His descriptions of the war in North Africa evoke all the boredom, heat, flies, illness and occasional terrors of the times.  He is forever lamenting a lack of letters from home (for this is a time when people wrote letters A LOT), writing his own, and doing catty pen-portraits of the other officers in his battery and brigade, some of which he later regrets, and some of which he stands by to this day.  The 52nd Highland Division (the "Highway Decorators"), of which he is a part, are just getting cooped up in transport ships, ready to invade somewhere unknown - secrecy spoiled by being issued with pay in francs ...

Finally -

The house seems un-naturally quiet.  If life were like a horror film, that either means everyone has been MYSTERIOUSLY KILLED by either an unknown assailant with a knife, or demons; or, that same assailant with a knife and/or demons is sneaking stealthily around the house, unaware that Conrad is still alive and lurking in his Sekrit Layr ...  Conrad unsure what the unknown assailant and demons would do if they met; squabble over who gets to slay and skin him? or do each other in?

     In reality, if the others have gone out and left Edna and I alone, it does give me carte blanche to go watch either "Key And Locke" or murder mysteries on 5 America.  Middle-aged Murder Mystery genes kicking in are a real thing, I assure you.

CAUTION! Being this woman's friend can be fatal

     And with that, we are done!  Now for downstairs and those demons!

*  Or, knowing you lot, ten.

**  Do you see what I - O you do.