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Wednesday, 10 February 2021

A Light Curtain

Except Not The Way You Were Expecting

Because you are all familiar with Wonder Wifey, who trades as Miss Gossage's Emporium, which retails curtains of all descriptions, including heavy ones that block all daylight (like the ones in my Sekrit Layr, which I got because they are <ahem> not in demand), and lighter ones, that let the daylight in during summer.  If we have a summer <imagine British weather joke here>.  

Thus
     ANYWAY, typically, we are going on about what we're not dealing with today.  Because this Intro is again about engineering and the safety issues that come with it.  Heavy industrial plant, after all, is not your friend, as it is easy to be variously gored, squashed, hammered, impaled, sliced, diced, mashed, bashed, lashed, hung, stung, wrung, tickled tackled, spackled and vapourised by it if care is not taken.  Art!

<H&SE readers swoon in horror>
      One can imagine the aftermath of a shift in a satanic Lancashire cotton mill, where the janitorial staff sweep severed digits and limbs off into a corner, sprinkling sawdust on the blood, and prop a wobby chair up with an arm as a substitute fourth leg.
     The trick is to minimise the risk of a squishy Hom. Sap. getting caught up in massive machines that carry a lot of interia, where the operators may not be in a position to see another person approaching, whilst the Murder-o-Matic is in manic motion.  Art!

"Where's Bruce?  I was talking to him only a second ago ..."
     Here enters the 'light curtain'.  This is a now-standard piece of equipment that is placed at crucial points around dangerous machinery, shining lights from one sender to another receiver.  If this 'curtain' is broken, then the receiver sends a signal to the Murder-o-Matic to SHUT DOWN IMMEDIATELY.  Art?

The light curtain's invisible rays revealed.
     
     Either that, or they design industrial plant with campy net curtains nowadays.  Hey, if that's the case, there's always Miss Gossage's Emporium, chaps!  I believe she's got radioactive energy-saving ones from some dodgy Ukranian vendor of sorts -

     Okay, I think that's enough silliness about curtains, both light and heavy.  In fact you might say that the  <Mister Hand redacts a lazy and unfunny pun> down!

     Right, I've just sent the motley to go find a curtain pole.  It will be interesting to see what it brings back.


Continuing With Our Focus On Entrepreneurial Activity -

Yes, there's Dean (Kamen) as mentioned yesteryon, Bill (Gates) who has something vague to do with computers, and Georgina (whose surname you are not getting).  She is Anna's sister, so she automatically get to pass Go and collect £2,000*.

Please excuse Art.  He's an idiot.
     

     She has just set up a Facebook group to sell perfumes, which goes by the name of "Spellbound Scents and Fragrances", where you the public can buy exotic essences of myrrh and frankincense (that's right, isn't it?) for but a fraction of what they normally cost.  I am taking this on face value, as, when confronted with perfumes, Conrad cringes like a garlic-stricken vampire.  Until 20/02/2021** any offer over £16.90 gets put into a raffle for a bottle of Moet.  None of yer cheap and nasty 'cider with pretensions', this gargle retails for £30 per bottle (gosh, think how many cans of "Old Speckled Hen" you could get with that much!).  Should you need it, here is Georgina's new-fangled electronic e-mail address:  georginapavlou75@yahoo.co.uk  

This was always going to appear somewhere

Still With Folks Who Sell Things

And, indeed, going back to Dean Kamen, whom we first met yesteryon.  Dean is a bit of a prodigy, even though he dropped out of college.  His native genius saw him earning five-figure sums whilst at high school as he designed sound and light systems for bands and entertainers.  He then progressed to lots of patents and inventions for medical technology, doubtless getting input from his brother, who was a doctor.  He made it big with "Auto Syringe", a gadget that allowed people who needed injections to manage it at home, instead of daily commutes to hospitals that took up half a day.  Art!


     Besides a slew of other stuff, he is probably most famous for inventing the Segway, that peculiar upright electro-cycle, which I have seen scooting around Barcelona en masse (or whatever the Spanish is)  as a tour guide conducted a gaggle of tourists.  Art!

There's a joke in here if you look hard enough

     Due to inherent ungainliness and clumsiness, not to mention probably exceeding the maximum safe weight limit, Conrad has no intention of ever getting onto one of these fragile plastic flibbertigibbets.  Sorry, Dean.


Now I Know Where I've Seen That Face Before

We were rabbiting on, as we frequently do here, and went down the "vapourware" rabbit hole, before we re-emerged into daylight and went banging on about "Duke Nukem", specifically the game delayed for over a decade.  Naturally we needed a cover picture of the Duke, and I think I can cattle-prod Art into providing more evidence -

Super-power: always able to find a barber

     It wasn't until I was scanning the Youtube channel "Ushanka Show" that I realised there was a touch of synchronicity at play here, causality and creation, that sort of shizzle.  Art!


     There's an even better one of Sergei with short, cropped blond hair, wearing a red tee-shirt and a serious expression - which of course I cannot find.  Let me get back to you on this one.  That pairing above is by Sergei himself, so he admit's there's something at play here.


Finally -

Your Humble Scribe finished watching "The Dig" last night, a film all about digging a great big hole in a field, which got muddy at times - this is the Pond of Eden we're talking about, after all - yet which yielded the treasure of Sutton Hoo, a Saxon burial.  They put a noble in a grave in a whacking big wooden ship, clad in the finest raiment (gold) and befitted with his worldly goods (more gold) and a Spandau Ballet hit ("Gold") and left him there, to quietly rot away.  Apart from the gold, that doesn't rot.  Art!


     If this had been a South Canadian film there would have been flashbacks to the 8th century, with a battle, and the noble getting married, and a treacherous brother, and the Luftwaffe would have bombed the dig and Basil would have smitten the bombs away with his shovel -

     That kind of thing.  As it was, TD was very understatedly British, which is the best way to be.  Good soundtrack, too.  Stefan Gregory, if you need to know.

"Basil and Mrs. Pretty exulted, in their mild way, about the treasure."

     And with that this scrivel is done.


*  Inflation.

**  Note CORRECT ENGLISH DATE CONVENTION.  Thank you.  That is all.

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