Of Hairs And Stairs

And Black And Brown Bears
Bears first.  I was idly flicking through my Collins Concise, and at two inches thick one wonders what the unabridged version looks like, and for whatever reason I stopped at "brown bear" - they didn't capitalise it, so I'm not doing so, either (you have to learn to trust them at some point).  "A large brownish ferocious bear inhabiting the temperate forests of Europe, Asia and South Canada."  Art?

This bear is not happy.  Not happy at all.  Can you tell?

     I recall some of the members of The Flop House Facebook group talking about the potential perils of hiking in the South Canadian outback, and that in close terrain it was wise to sing sing sing, so you didn't accidentally startle a brown bear, especially a mama one with cubs.  They can be extra specially mean.

"Bear cubs rescued from dumpster"
(Should know better, cubs)

     Curious, I also looked up "black bear", which is described as "a bear inhabiting the forests of South Canada.  It is smaller and less ferocious than the brown bear."  The Floppers rendering anecdotes in fact went a bit further and said it was a coward that would turn tail and run if you encountered it.
     And no, my Collins didn't use "South Canada".  That's all me.  Dictionary-surfing: it never fails to entertain, educate and amuse**.

The Bit About Hairs And Stairs
     Okay, we now obviously turn back to deconstructing "Rapunzel" with logic.  If you recall, we left the baby Rap in a room atop a tower, reached by a stairway from a door at the bottom.  
     The witch, whose lettuces had been the start point for this farrago, keeps Rap locked up in the room, stating that the reason for this incarceration is because the world is such a very bad place (and you may encounter a brown bear in the wilderness).  The witch has obviously never had children, since she has no idea of how to rear Rap, even to the extent of letting her hair grow without cutting it.

CAUTION!  Artefacts with one or more moving parts are too complicated for witches

     I see.  She has magic powers and a magic ball and raises incredible vegetable yields but cannot even wield a pair of scissors?  What does she do with her own hair?  What on earth does she gain from keeping Rap in the tower?  Don't forget, her dad built that tower, he knows exactly where it is - but he's never tried to rescue her.  Magical amnesia?  Prasinophobia?**
     At age 12, when girls start to get both moody and interested in boys, Rap throws a strop and informs Witchie-poo that she's going to run away.  Witchie-poo, using her magic powers, destroys all the tower stairs and the entrance door, thus (she thinks) preventing Rap from escaping.
     She could just have put a bolt on the door.  But no, she has to go around making things difficult for all involved.

Kinda like this

     Witchie-poo, having gotten rid of door and stairs, now stands at the foot of the tower and shouts to Rap - "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!".  Rap's hair at this point is long enough to reach the ground in a braid, which the witch seizes hold of and uses to climb up the tower's external wall, thus putting herself safely beyond the reach of any passing brown bears.  This goes on for FIVE YEARS.

The only picture that seems to be available of The Tower

     There are so many problems at this stage it's difficult to deal with them all.  Once again, WHY IS SHE STILL IN THE TOWER!  Mum and Dad do not give a wet fart about her, since not once have they even been by to wave hello.  Or, they're dead, in which case there's no need to keep Rap in the tower.  And we must assume, at this stage, that Witchie-poo is a seasoned mountaineer, since hieing oneself up a tower on a rope/braid of hair is a major feat of strength.  

That's Witchie-poo on the starboard

Why is she doing this anyway?  If it's to deliver food and water, then all we need is a basket sent up on the braid.  Conrad is also unsure if it's even possible for the human skull, neck, scalp and hair roots to sustain the mass of another person on a weekly or even daily basis.  I suspect Rap would be dragged out of the window thanks to the mass of her mountaineering mock-mother, with fatal results.
     There you go.  Logic, the slayer of dragons and fairy-tales!  We've not finished with this guff yet, O no.  So you have more to look forward to, lots more.

"'Twas logic that slew the beast."

     Excuse me whilst I go put the oven on.  Second half of that pizza, don't you know.

Where were we?  O yes -

The Mammoth-Flint Ridge Cave System
I thought I'd throw  a few more pictures of this enormous underground maze at you, the better to make you appreciate that some people like dark, cold, damp confined spaces, though why they don't just go shut themselves in the airing cupboard in a wet towel escapes me.  Okay, Art?

No  idea what this bit is

     Googling for pictures is complicated by the fact that there's another Mammoth Cave, except that one's in Australia, and it's tricky telling which is which from the photographs alone.

A very large hole in the ground.

     I'm pretty sure that's the South Canadian one, described in the nineteenth century as being a "bottomless hole" except it can't be or it would immediately fill with magma, and then you'd be sorry.

Definitely Mammoth Cave Kentucky - it was on the picture description

     I'm not sure if this is looking up or down, though it's a rather scarey perspective if the picture-taker was leaning over looking down at a very big hole in the ground.  Looking upwards, surely?

And with that, we are done!  For the afternoon, anyway, since I've got that pizza to eat.

Pip pip!



*  Or is that just me?
**  Fear of lettuces