Mathemagics

NO!  That Is Not A Typo
It's a new word I just made up out of whole cloth.  COME ON!  When has BOOJUM! ever sported a spelling mistake?  I shall wait while you check.

<nineteen hours pass>

     There you go.  What Your Humble Scribe refers to is, of course, the algorithms that Blogger uses to keep track of web data.  This is where one can read about how many people have been scanning your scrivel, the better to boost your ego, or decide that a total audience of 3 is not worth continuing for.  Art?

     Lest the font be too small for your aged eyes, that's "556" in total, which is where the 'Magic' part of the 'Mathe-' comes in.  
     Seriously?  Ten times the daily total in one morning?  Your Humble Scribe is witty and charming and handsome, but not enough to confirm a total which is so completely out of the ballpark.  Out of the postal code, if we're honest.
     

Conrad is - suspicious.

     We have been here before, a couple of years ago when the tracking algorithm over-indulged on Jeyes Household Cleaning Fluid and Drambuie and BOOJUM! regularly hit 700 visitors per day.  It took a good 6 months before things settled back down to normal.
     "How incredibly flattering!" I hear you exclaim.  "Soon you'll be alongside public features like Rob Brydon and Richard Herring!"
     Your allusion is obscure; and such bloated figures are not altogether good news.  For one thing, if artificially-inflated, then I have no idea whom amongst you is indeed perusing these lines, and thus I don't know who to preserve when my starship invasion fleet arrives   If they are genuine, which I doubt - 500 people in Sweden suddenly got a pash for the blog? - then things are serious, since our stock in trade is slander, libel and malicious gossip.  Injunctions and solicitors loom ...

But it's so much fun!

     Okay, time to take Edna round to the motley, so it can have a recuperative pat session.  The poor thing's not back on it's feet yet.

"Avengers: Endgame"
And the one preceding it even more so - "Infinity War", I believe it was called.  There is, I believe, a gaping plot hole in both these films, which of course I cannot resist sharing with you, though I shall try to avoid any spoilers.  Art?

The one before

     We have long known about that big purple plonker Thanos, who is dead set on getting his massive mis-shapen mitts on the Magic Sparklies, for reasons.
     Thanos, it seems, is motivated by a desire to prevent the Universe from becoming over-populated, and to this end he intends to wipe out 50% of all living things, thus solving the problem -
     Except no.  NO!
     First of all, killing off half of everyone will in fact result in a whole lot more than 50% dying, as society will collapse, at least partially.  Did you think about that, you big blue wonk?      Then there is the concept of CONTRACEPTION.  I bet you didn't stop to think about that, either, did you, dimwit?* 


"Errrrrrrrrr -"

Because the Universe will gradually re-populate itself, and, quicker than you think, we'll be knee-deep in people (or the sentient alien equivalent thereof) AGAIN.  Also, promoting and propagating an education programme about contraception would, one can't help feeling, be a whole lot easier than acquiring Magic Sparklies via endless space battles etcetera.

Magic Sparklies of a different kind

     <Heavy sigh> Hollywood, Must Do Better.                                                                    

Conrad is - annoyed

"I Don't Like Parrots"
Your Modest Artisan is a little unsure how or why this phrase popped up in his mind a couple of days ago.
     I am not referring to the actual, physical, literal bird that we know and love as Psittacopasserae, as that would be logical and sensible, and this is BOOJUM! where the laws of logic are pretty much despised.

"Polly wants a LITHIUM WAFER BATTERY!"

     Take that, laws of logic! <kicks the laws of logic cruelly then pushes them down the stairs>
     No, I am referring to those repellent "musical performers" who are noted for a distinct lack of musical ability.  Can they play an instrument?  Can they what!  These idiots would try to play an electric guitar with a pair of breakfast trays.  They might -
     Here an aside.  A victim example might help.  Art?

When she fell off the sanity wagon

     Britney, I think we can agree, discovered that Slutpop has a rather limited shelf-life.
     Okay, back on rant.  These performing parrots (now you see where the title comes from) might, with considerable rehearsal and patience, be trained to hit a triangle.  Not a cymbal, they're expensive.
     The PPs cannot compose music, either.  Nor can they create songs, unless someone sits behind them and moves their talentless arms in a scribing motion.  Art!

"Has considerable trouble keeping it's clothes on"

     They have their squealing, squalling, mewling, puling piping voices processed by a battery of producers with a ton of technical wizardry, giving the impression that they can sing.  To detract from their utter inability, they usually camouflage their inner emptiness with enormous stage presentations, as a diversion.  And they get very upset if anyone points out their sheer hackness.
     So, no: I do not like parrots**.

I think this is relevant

     I'm pretty sure that salsa dip ought not to be fermenting in the packet; methinks I'll pass on that one and have my cucumber straight***.  No, no photograph - use your imagination!
Finally -
I am thinking of a ghost story by that titan of the genre, Montague Rhode James, and cannot remember the title.  Hopefully I will finish this blog with a few minutes left to scan teh Interwebz for it.  I recall that there were two parts, which didn't really seem to relate to each other, featuring an extremely unpleasant young man who conjures up rather nasty playmates, and an attack by a giant saw-fly.  If I recall correctly, it's been a while.
     For that matter, what is a saw-fly?  Art?

This is one of the rascals

     Not the sort of thing you'd care to encounter even at normal size, eh?

And with that, we are done!



*  Recklessly brave, that's me.
**  I feel much better after that tanting and venting!
***  Yes, this unusual.  Normally I'd scoff and wait for things to develop or not, which is usually not, except probably is for this case.