Hair-Raising Adventure

It's Called "Horripilation"
That's when your skin goes all goose-flesh and the hairs stand up, though I confess that happens to me with that guitar solo at the end of Mew's "Cross The River On Your Own".
     Although none of that applies to what I really want to talk about tonight, which is The Relentless Application Of Logic To A Fairy-tale.  Not "Bluebeard" any longer, as we've just about mined that out in terms of what I could infer and deduct with my Cold Cruel Logic.

Conrad: cold, cruel and, above all, logical

     Tonight we focus on that classic from The Brothers Grimm, "Rapunzel".  I shall recap the story and comment on it at the same time, all the better to pad out the word count build a sense of purpose and analysis.  I shall colour my comments, so you know what they are.
     Okay, the story goes that a couple are living next to a witch, who has a fantastic array of home-grown vegetables, which none dare steal, because - witch.
     COMMENT: How about nobody steals them because stealing is wrong and even peasants of the Late Middle Ages possessed a sense of morals?  Or she has a great big Doberman guard dog?
     However, the wife gets pregnant and nothing will do for her to eat but a lettuce from the witch's garden.  So hubby, quaking in his boots, goes and steals one.

An obscure object of desire

     He's an idiot.  All he had to do was go buy one and pretend.  Believe me, this will all end in tears.
     Wifey, unsatisfied as only a wife can be, wants more more more.  Lettuces! and wash out your dirty minds!  So hubby out to steal another - and gets caught.  Desperately, he pleads with the witch, saying he'll give her anything.  She promptly declares that she'll have the forthcoming offspring, which hubby reacts to with horror.
     I warned you.
     To prevent kidnapping, dad builds a tower in the woods, with a stairway leading to a room at the top, where they keep their child, taking it in turns to guard her.  
     That's a whole lot of time and effort.  It would be easier and cheaper to just leave town.
   Witchie-poo learns where the baby is being kept by means of her magic ball, which sounds rather like a CCTV system and would probably have those Gallifreyan busybodies the Time Lords interested, since they don't like anachronisms.  She then magics the parents into a stupor indistinguishable from that brought on from too much drinking, and steals the child.
     We never hear of the parents again after this.  Are they still asleep?  Dead?  Moved away?  Woke up, shrugged, had another baby and carried on?

"Wifey never asked for salad ever again"

     I realise we've not got to the hair-raising bit yet, but I am going to stop here, lest your brains glaze over, because you can have too much of a good thing.
     Okay, motley, in one hand I have a humbug, and in the other a Fisherman's Friend.  Take your best shot!

The Words That Cross
This next bit is about Cryptic Crosswords, and is one of my usual rants and tants, so you may skip it if you're not into an old man expressing his Frothing Nitric Ire.
     Okay, the clue was "Money needed for a golf club (7)" and I had B_A_ _ A _ E.  By logic and deduction I reasoned that 'Money" had to be "BRASS-" and this had to be an archaic name for a golf club.  Art?

Behold!

     My Collins Concise rapidly revealed that this is a "Brassie", which being an archaic name for a type of golf club.  It had brass on it.
     WHAT THE ACTUAL DOG BUNS!
     Last time it was the "NIBLICK".  Am I going to have to research archaic names for golf clubs?  Actually that would be rather a good idea - I like how you think, Conrad, I like how you think*.

Mammoth Cave
Out of nowhere late last week I suddenly decided to go look up this cave system.  If you live in South Canada you've probably heard of it, though others further afield are probably quite uninformed about same.  
     It is, as the National Park of the same name likes to boast, the longest known cave system in the world, although that will only last until Tsar Putin hears about it, and then some unimaginably longer cave system will be found in Siberia.

The entrance, with puny humans for scale

     The National Park is in Kentucky, the cave system being over 400 miles long, with the possibility of it being linked to other cave systems in the neighbourhood.  There are tours, which can last up to 6 hours.  If you traversed the whole thing it would take you over five days, although -

Fat Man's Misery

      - you might have trouble in some parts, as you can see above.  Narrow, shallow and constrictive, three reasons Conrad would pay not to go on a tour.

More civilised

     This is the "Frozen Niagara" and looks pretty spectacular.  Bet you have to walk for hours to get there, though.
     So there you have it, a whistle-stop tour of Mammoth-Flint Ridge Cave System, which we may come back to, as it's interesting, as long as you don't feel at all phobic about confined spaces, or dropping your torch and having to wander around in perpetual dark.

Finally - 
The year is definitely wearing on, and we are approaching the end of what has been laughably called our "Summer" and one indication is that it's not yet 20:00 and the light is going.  In fact, to avoid eye-strain and nameless fear of what, exactly, is making that strange noise in the shadows across the room, I ought to turn on the lights.
     - it was just the monster in the wardrobe -








*  Since I am Conrad, this is a good thing.