I Am Slightly Late With This

Because, You Know, Military Stuff And Wordplay
You know Conrad, he cannot resist a bit of cunning punning, and when Facebook chum Listy called for help, there I was.  Actually he might regret asking for aid.  My response has thus delayed the commencement of activities on the blog this evening.
     Anyway, I cannot divulge what the subject matter of his next book is going to be, because that would be a bit unsporting, since I don't want him to get pipped at the post by some Johhny-come-lately who was only apprised of the topic thanks to BOOJUM!'s global reach.
     However, he did bring up the subject of the "Blacker Bombard", which I'll bet 99% of you have never heard of.  Art?

NO!  <sighs> wrong kind of Bombard

     The BB was one of those improvisations like <thinks> the Northover Projector or the Cockatrice, which were thrown into production after Dunkirk, over fears that the Allotment of Eden was going to be introduced to the jackboot hordes of the Third Reich.

A Cockatrice flamethrower

     The BB was either laid out on a central pivot supported by 4 legs, or on a concrete rotunda, the latter enabling it to have a 360o field of fire, and it fired an anti-tank round or a HE anti-personnel round.  Art?
             

     You'll note that it has a very low profile, and since it didn't use a conventional shell to propel the injurious bit, the BB would have been hard to detect.  Teuton tanks at that time (summer 1940) would have been seriously discomfited by a 20 lb shell hitting them, and it would have scragged any soft-skin it hit.
     Since the Allotment was spared a visit with violent intent by vile vandalistic Teuton hordes, the BB very definitely did not see service in the defence of Perfidious Albion.  There are rumours floating around that some weapons did, however, see service in North Africa, and I have seen an assertion that they were used in the defence of Tobruk.
     True?  False?  Well, I have never read anything in my extensive library on the war in North Africa that mentions the BB, but absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
     Those of you who definitely, absolutely, positively MUST know are referred to the IWM's collection of photographs of the campaign in North Africa, all the many hundred thousands of them.  Good luck!

The Polish Carpathian Cavalry Brigade arrives at Tobruk.
(Poles fighting for the British against the Germans in an African colony of the Italians)

     That's one photo I've eliminated for you.  Only 354,934 to go!
,     Right, that's the Intro done, I'm off to take the motley a bowl of ice-cream and see if it's feeling any better.  I dunno.  By the time that injunction about causing harm gets lifted we're going to be best buddies.

First Bus And Ennio Morricone
At first glance (do you see what I - O you do) these two might seem like odd bedfellows, which is because they are.  If you are unaware, FB are the pikers who misperform passenger transport functions across the North West, ensuring the maximum number of passengers arrive as late as possible on as many days as possible.  Ennio Morricone is an Italian musician and composer, who came to fame in the mid- to late Sixties with his scores for spaghetti Western soundtracks.  Art?

Ennio, totally rocking the Joe 90 look.
(First Bus can whistle for it if they think they're getting a photograph)

     Where the two come into play is the use of capricious sounds as part of the soundtrack as Ennio sourced unconventional musical input.  Your Humble Scribe is convinced there is one spaghetti Western soundtrack that uses a donkey braying, either a direct recording of the beast itself or a musical simulation of same.  But can I find it?  No I cannot!  No more success in this than with the Blacker Bombard at Tobruk.

Donkey dentition woes

     The bus into Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell on <checks notes> on Friday had to use it's windscreen wipers as the rain was, as per usual During Great British Summer, chucking it down.  These windscreen wipers had a distinctive squealing sound that seemed to be coming from an unsatisfied donkey.  SQUEAL SQUEAL SQUEAL, for a good twenty minutes, during which time I SQUEAL SQUEAL SQUEAL decided that they had to be good for SQUEAL SQUEAL SQUEAL something, and then the spaghetti Western theme struck me*.

"The British Rail porter's attitude left a lot to be desired"

Back To Ol' Jim, And Adrian
If you remember, this pair were clambering all over Adrian's Sherman tank, poking around and expostulating at length about the design and ergonomics, because Wehraboos like to reduce TANK design to the trio of Armour, Firepower and Speed.  Alas no, chums, there is more than merely those three factors in designing a TANK.
     "Such as what?" I hear you quibble.  Art?


     Adrian pointed out that the Sherman's design, apart from the gyro-stabiliser, was quite simple and straightforward.  This is sneered at by the Wehraboos - who cannot resist a bit of gloatery - because they still believe Teuton tanks are the bestest things ever.
     Well, no.  "Simple and straightforward" means that the tank was both reliable - because there's less to go wrong - and amenable to mass-production.  So you can churn them out by the tens of thousands, rather than simply hundreds, and once in the field you can bet on about a 75 - 85% availability rate**.

Ol' Jim and a tank

     Adrian also mentioned another factor; serviceability.  Or, how easily can you maintain your 30 ton steel chariot?  Tanks, you see, are prone to break down, usually at the very worst time possible, at which point you need to repair them.  If the drive train on a Sherman failed, you removed 50 bolts from the front hull, then took off the hull front and Hay Pesto! - the drive train could be slid out.

Thus

     It weighed 4 tons, mind, so the sliding bit would be an effort, but it could be done.

     And now - for tea!


*  SQUEAL SQUEAL SQUEAL
**  Rather than a 33 - 50% availability rate for their Teuton counterparts.