Okay not kidding at all.
It is <checks watch> 9:49 and I've not even started the usual second post of the day. Given the usual process it would thus take until 10:49 to post that second blog entry, at the earliest, and frankly I can't be bothered to try and beat the clock like that.
"But Conrad!" I hear you say. "What can have happened to disturb the normally inviolate process of Scrivel Creation that is BOOJUM!?"
Well, that would be The Kids <you see how this all connnects and how frightfully clever I am?>, that is Darling Daughter Sally and her boyfriend Tom. They came for a brief visit and Conrad, donning his best Grumpy Old Man expression, offered to drive them back home to Longsight, an offer gratefully accepted as this is far quicker and more convenient than travelling by bus, which requires at least three of them and a fair walk at the end. Before that they were inveigled upon by Wonder Wifey to - amongst eating cake and sipping coffees - watch "The Big Short", which only finished at 8:15.
Then, as I had gone without food for
"Cut to the end," I hear you say, with the muffled noise of sweater cuffs being pulled back to examine watches.
Okay! So instead of anything original I shall be posting the post of one year ago exactly. This gives you the chance to see if what goes around Conrad's head varies over time, and also to prove he doesn't simply re-title old stuff and pretend it's new.
So without further ado -
Major Sad Face Tonight
No more Leonard Nimoy, as I'm sure you've all heard tonight. Mr Nimoy was known for his character "Paris" in "Mission Impossible", Dr Kibner in "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" (the 1978 remake), as "Ahmet" in the television series "Marco Polo", and notably in both versions of "I, Robot" in the original and remade "The Outer Limits", with a very long list of apprentice television work - and of course - obviously! - as the Uncredited Sergeant chatting-up a WAAF in "Them!".*
| Mr Smock with a Unicorndog |
Conrad has seen this film poster at the bus stop, not yet on buses, and he feels compelled to review it in the style of BOOJUM!. That is to say, without knowing anything about it, and not bothering to find out, either, and generalising terribly.
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| He's either blindfolded in a metaphor about BOOJUM!'s film review rules - - or he's playing an invisible Theremin |
Well, Conrad has some questions. First of all, what time of year is this set? Because you might only get six hours of night in high summer, and twelve in the depths of winter. That means you need to have incredible endurance, or not. Secondly, how do we define "running"? What speed counts as "Running"? Is this an average or median value? Thirdly, who monitors these joggers, because it's DARK and you can't see if they're cheating by getting a lift off passing motorists, can you?
Frankly the whole thing is a bit of a nightmare to organise and run and Conrad won't be hurrying to see it.
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| Ah! Thank you Art. Obviously "Run All Night" is a shameless rip-off of this film. Shocking! |
Saint Ives
Let me put the old saw to you:" As I was going to Saint Ives, I met a man with seven wives. Each wife had seven sacks. Each sack had seven cats. Each cat had seven kits**. Kits, cats, sacks and wives, how many were going from Saint Ives?"
It's not rocket science!
2,402 of course.
7 x 7 x 7 x 7 +1.
" - going from -"
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| Ist Hives. Close enough |
Cake!
I was up against the clock last night, getting in late and with the Pub Quiz to attend at 9:00, so I'd gotten the almond sponge ready the previous night and all I had to do was work the ganache into a spreading consistency. A little easier said than done when it's been in the fridge all day!
I managed:
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| A rush job |
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| Hmmm. You know, Vulnavia, I think they like it! |
Conrad recently purchased "Swan Song", a supernatural thriller by Robert McCammon, which begins with the end of the world and progresses from there - after World War Three the supernatural starts to impinge on the survivors. Viz:
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| I'm leaving this small as it's rather unpleasant. But accurate |
"That's just showing off!" she snarled. "Nobody could possibly write a book that long. And only another show-off would try to read it!"
It is rather long but the story rattles along apace and after only a few days Conrad is up to Page <checks>326 of 956. It is nowhere near as complex as Thomas Pynchon, so I'm really on a winner.
Amanda Wants Pulling
I kid you not. One of our team, Amanda/Mandy, loudly and suddenly declared that she needed to be stretched, as on a rack. Long hours hunched over a PC, I suspect.
Racks, medieval torture implements, are rare in today's modern office environment***, and so Mandy decided that two brawny men would serve instead.
"How would you -" that is, your humble scribe Conrad^ " - and Anthony like to stretch me? You could get my arms, and you could get my legs."
Anthony and I were united in declaring that not only were we not interested in carrying out any such thing, but that we'd need notarised signed pro formas before thinking - not doing it, just thinking - about it.
Conrad, however, fired by a spirit of mischief that bubbles under the surface ALL THE TIME, remembered a couple of items that might serve if those notarised signed pro formas ever arrived.
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| No! Not chocolate biscuits! |
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| Cable ties. For tying cables. |
That's all for that, which has swum dangerously near being NSFW and NSFC.
"House Of Leaves"
The rather striking Laura D.^^ mentioned this novel to Conrad in passing, whilst he was telling her about the "Codex Seraphinianus" in such detail that her brain was glazing, never mind her eyes.
"It's dark, and weird,' she explained -
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| Hmmm. Looks like a Monopoly piece. |
Two of the Interested buttons that always get Conrad interested. Did I ever tell you about "The Yawning Heights", which <Mister Hand shuts this post down before readers die from Sudden Ennui Syndrome>
* I believe he was in some cult television series whom nobody's ever heard of called "Starry Trek" with a theme tune about Bilbo Baggins.
** Airfix, Revell or Tamiya?
*** Although believed to be quite common in North Korea.
^ Under his alias "Rob"
^^ Can't embarrass the gel with her full name!
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