It's what I do. If you have mistakenly found yourself here at BOOJUM! because you think we specialise in Antipodean animals, I am afraid you are in for a rude surprise.
"What are you banging on about this time?" I hear you asking. "Will this be long 'cos we're going down the pub for a swift half," I also hear you add YES THANK YOU! - no it won't be long as I'm headed down the pub until closing time, for reasons that will become clear later on.
"You, Me and the Apocalypse" came up as a Suggested Post from the Foobs, and for once they appear to have done their homework. It's a pre-apocalyptic science-fiction series that has had it's first season already. Here the relevant picture:
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| BANG! |
All this is by way of priming the pump: Conrad cordially draws your attention to the upper right hand of this screenshot, and - the Duck Billed Platypus!
Who is advertising a bank account.
No, it doesn't make any sense to your humble scribe, either. If it were me, I'd have a weasel in there.
There you have it, as much as I care to go into the Intro.
The Unbearable Might-ness Of Seeing*
Conrad, if you hadn't already realised by now, is rather a dinosaur. Old, fat, scowly and jowly, he probably resembles an elderly Triceratops, especially when it comes to technology. It has taken him three or four years to realise "Control X" is what you select to Cut in a document, rather than being something to do with the adult film industry.
So. He is now rather perturbed about - Facebook. Not so much Twitter, that's a lot simpler and more transient. No, what he's concerned about is the selection of images when he posts a post. It used to be that you could predict that the image displayed on FB would be the first in your blog post.
No longer! I worry. I worry that the impeccably-crafted layout of BOOJUM! will be undercut - nay, sabotaged - by which image the Foobs decide to select at random. Last night they picked up on the photo of me that I dub "Gimlet-glance Laser-eyed Weirdo", which is great for striking fear into folks, as long as they're already reading the post. Seeing your gifted author apparently about to vapourise
You What? You WHAT!
Any seasoned reader of the blog will know that Conrad - let's all chorus together on this one - HATES ALL MUSICALS!
Of all the musicals out there, one that he hates - nay, loathes - above all others is that awful "Grease", or "Vaselino" to credit it in Spanish.
So, when this came up as a suggested post:
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| "Cast yourself and your sweetie as characters from the musical -" ACK! I can't go on |
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| The only kind of sweetie that Conrad is involved with - or is he? (see below) |
Conrad got a Valentine's card! This was immediately treated with both suspicion and hilarity from everybody at The Mansion, although a careful study of the handwriting proved that I didn't send it to me.
At first Conrad basked in the almost unique sensation of being loved and appreciated, until his usual suspicion and paranoia kicked in. Who sent it? How did they know my address? They knew enough to call me "Conrad". Is this the sinister eavesdropping hordes sitting outside in their white vans toying with me? Or, almost as alarming, is there a fan out there who has tracked me down, to my home address, and who now sits in a white van - obviously a different model to the Renault ones currently eavesdropping - with a pair of binoculars and a digital camera?
So once I have posted this I'm going down to "The Halfway House" to drink in a corner, back to the wall where nobody can sneak up on me, until I get moved on.
Still - I DID get a Valentine's card***!
* This is me being Deep And Poseury. Ten Kudos points if you got the Milan Kundera ref.
** Grom being Polish for "Thunder"
*** At Conrad's time of life you have to trumpet this VERY LOUDLY.
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