Alas And Alack - Back On Track

That Is, You Now Have A Second Chance
To appreciate my mordant wit, before you ask.  Yesterday's post was very much a makeshift, as I have found that not posting leads to the instant departure of your (not very) loyal audience, and one then has to - I believe the phrase is "bust one's ass" - make an effort to catch up again.

An ass that is well and truly busted

     So here we are again*.
     "Gosh!  But what can you possibly find to post about a second time on a Saturday, Conrad?" I hear you ask.  "That would take rare wit, imagination and application - "  thank you, thank - " - none of which you possess."  Yes, THANK YOU for your underwhelming appreciation of my creative ability!
     Enough wibble - let fly with the scrivel**!


"Brave New World"
This phrase was used by some of our management at work, prompting comments from the better-read members of staff.  Not from Conrad, as he was apparently having a refreshing nap at the time; getting on a bit, you know, needs his beauty sleep like very few of you out there need it.

A Brave in the New World

     Conrad remembered that it's a quote from Shakespeare, which is ironic, as you well know by now your modest artisan HATES the Barn of Avon with a passion.

"O brave new world,

That has such people in't."

     I sent this to Sophie - yes, this Sophie not that Sophie - as she mentioned that it had been mentioned.  The novel itself is a quite profound study of a deliberately engineered society, where "engineered" can be defined as "self-perpetuating docile slavery".  One of the C20's most important and relevant novels, it's also quite readable.  Unlike the works of Thomas Pynchon***, it's also quite short.
     One thing your gifted author didn't realise is that the quote above comes from "The Tempest", which is the only play written by the Lard of Avon that Conrad will not instantly shoot down in flames, as it forms the basis of one of his favourite films, "Forbidden Planet".  Yes really.

"Enter sailors, wet"
Art!  What have you been drinking?

The Birds.  No Preamble.

BLACKBIRD:  No sign of Thrush this morning.  Wonder where the old fruit has gotten to?

<Very long pause>

STARLING: Blimey guvnah, you still 'ere^?

BB:  I thought you only showed up at the conclusion for a soupcon of salacious inference?

S:  ?

BB: You're the comic relief.

S:  Oh, English.  Guvnah, your mate's 'istory.  Gone.  Dead as mutton.  Or is it pork?

BB: What?  WHAT!

S: Yuss.  Or is it mince?

BB: Never mind the foodstuffs - what happened?

S: Oh, it were Sir the Reverend His Majesty Conrad.  Wiv a gun.

BB: What - Fatty showed up, armed?

S:  I ain't calling him that - he's the Mighty And Powerful King Conrad from now on.

BB:  This is puzzling.  Normally Fatty is like the Brontosaurus - large yet placid^^.

S:  Not so much it ain't.  See, I were looking in the bedroom window and I seen he'd got special translation software on 'is PC.

BB:  Ah, yes, no doubt to interpret some of those jaw-cracking Czech words.

S:  Nah, mate.  Nah.  "Bird to Human".

BB: Oh

S:  O indeed.  Your mate was cheerily insulting Fa - Fabulous Sir Conrad of Miracle Mansions when BANG.  Suddenly 'e's 'istory.

BB: O.

S:  'Ere 'e is.  Three cheers for King Conrad!

BB:  Piker!  FOUR cheers for His Imperial Honour Conrad!

S:  Five cheers -

     - then the bus came.

Alvin And The Chipmunks
Normally your humble scribe would merely sneer in a cool, commanding fashion about these films, as they fall under three criteria that he cares not one whit about:  1)  Musicals  2)  For small children and 3) Musicals for small children.

Alvin and the Chip-trunks

     However, he is also aware that Hollywood is so keen on the bottom line that it makes a school of sharks look like a Sixties Haight-Ashbury Love-In.  Seeing an advert for an AATC film on television made him wonder how many of these films have been made?
     Four to date.  Resign yourself to there being a whole lot more, as here is the bottom line for them so far:

Title                                               Cost                               Box Office

Alvin and the Chipmunks                   $60 million^^^                  $360 million
Alvin 2                                             $75 million                      $443 million
Alvin 3                                             $75 million                      $342 million
Alvin 4                                             $ - not known yet            $83 million

    The fourth film has only been on release for a couple of months, so that final Box Office figure is going to rise, believe me.  I reckon it's already made it's money back already.

Earl.  The pearl.

* Happy as can be.  Song lyrics, not real life.
** Portmanteau version of "scribble" and "drivel" which is as compact a definition of the blog as you are likely to get.
*** Come on, you knew I'd shoehorn him in here if at all possible when we're talking C20 novels ...
^   Starling is apparently a Mockney Gangstah Wannabe
^^ Nicked from Tom Baker-era Doctor Who.
^^^ I know!  THAT much?