Rambunctiously Exuberant!

That's An Utter Lie By The Way
Conrad, for your information, does not come under the heading of either "rambunctious" or "exuberant".  "Mordant", "Saturnine" or "Borderline evil" are far more applicable.
     "Yes, yes, Conrad, we know all this already and still have the scar tissue to prove it.  So what?" I hear you asking, nicely and respectfully this time*.
     This comes of walking Edna at the weekend, because she always waltzes around like a ballet dancer doing the 100 yard sprint, only pausing to see what delicious treats your diligent dog-warden might be hiding in his pockets.

Ednaxuberant

     "Rambunctious", I decided, was the word that applied to her.  Next, of course, your wicked wordsmith being who he is, I had to find out where this word came from.
     Ooops.  Mid-nineteenth century Americanism, origin unknown.
     'Damn it!  Dog Buns!' was my considered response, because as you know we here at BOOJUM! are SFW and avoid profanity.  'What's a satirically-minded didactic alien spy in human camouflage to do?'
     Obviously, make it up - yet wait, because Conrad decided that "exuberant" also applied to Edna.  That sounds like it has a Latin origin.  You know exuberant - "Chock full of nuts and energy, but mostly energy".
     And it does - "Uber" meaning "Fertile", from which the verb "Exuberare" comes, meaning "Abundant" and then to "Exuberant".
     There.  I'm so glad we got that settled.  Next!

"Border Security"
This is one of those fly-on-the-wall documentary series, set in Toronto International Airport, focussing on the security staff who valiantly man (and woman) Canada's borders against evil interlopers.  Conrad positively relishes watching programmes where ne'er-do-wells get a stern comeuppance, and this had all of that.  The intellectual term for this is "Schadenfreude", which boils down to relishing ne'er-do-wells suffering**.  
     Now, me being me - which is logical as if I were someone else then I doubt this would be written - I did wonder about the badges these security staff wear, badged "CBSA - ASFC".

A rambunctious suitcase is restrained

     "Canadian Border Security Agency - Agence des Service Frontaliers de Canada" is the full version, and you'll agree it's a lot of a mouthful, thanks to the dual-language requirement.  Even the abbreviation is a bit of a mouthful, and can you imagine one of these folks trying to force a suspect to stop?
     "Stop!  Arretez vous!  CBSA-ASFC - damn, they got away."
     Who'd be enjoying the schadenfreude then, I wonder ...

You What?
Ah, at least the Foobs are good for generating word count.  Their Sponsored weblinks are, as always, utterly baffling to your humble scribe.  Take this one:

On the right, thank you.
Ignore the child with the pink balloon.

     Now, that "Sunseeker" yacht is no mere paddleboat.  Look at it - at least two levels above the deck, radomes, levels below the waterline.  This thing is going to cost a lot of money, and - entirely off the top of my head - I reckon we're talking millions here.  Millions!  Plus whatever it costs to crew it, and doubtless there are fees associated with parking it in a marina, and the fuel on top of that.
     So.  Why on earth is this cropping up in FB when your humble scribe cannot afford to even look at a vessel as expensive as this?  I don't even play the Lottery that would allow me to dream of looking at this yacht!

We've Had Boats, Let Us Now Have Cars
Another head-scratching moment.  Art?  Please provide us with the evidence:

I made a joke about Ford in today's earlier post

     Wow!  Thank you so much, E-bay, and Facebook, too!  How I would have regretted ever having missed this fantastic opportunity to learn more about the classic Ford and why it is extremely rare.  I take it that all I have to do to further educate myself in the ways of rare classic Ford cars is merely to click that link?  That's all?  And then the market for extremely rare Ford classic cars would be spread before me!  Gosh!
     <removes tongue from cheek>
     It's been years since I was last on E-Bay.  Years!  Nor did I ever look at cars there, nor anywhere else on the internet, for that matter.
     BAH!

     How long till a Suggested Post recommending I buy a private jet crops up?
     Although, looking at that yacht, "Captain Conrad" does have a certain cachet ...

"What Else Did You Do On Your Holidays, Conrad?"
I thought you'd never ask!  I made "Jamaican-style Kidney Bean And Pepper Soup", from one of the handy (free!) booklets that you can get at the Co-Op.  Art?

     Obviously this doesn't give you a taste of the soup, although I can tell you it was nice.  Different, too - coconut milk being one of the main ingredients.  Thankfully I did not add too much of the Piri-Piri sauce found lurking on a shelf in the fridge, as it is incandescently hot.  Enough remains for a second helping tomorrow.  Gluten-free, vegan-friendly and three of your five a day, so I'd say a winner for dinner.



*  You see, you can do it!  Pain is such a wonderful motivator.
** Tee hee!

Teed Off

Ah, I Amuse Myself.  Sometimes.
For those of you not au fait* with English vernacular, "Teed off" is an expression of annoyance, as in "Conrad was teed off, as per usual", and it's also a golfing expression when you add an apostrophe - "Tee'd off".  We'll come back to the golfing bit later.
     Let us return to Conrad, as he was indeed technically teed off last night.  After installing an Avast update, his PC promptly froze, then crashed.  Upon rebooting it froze, again.
     'AAARGH!' swore Conrad, loudly, looking teed off and feeling it, too.

Conrad, incandescent with rage

     Rebooting again failed to solve the problem so it was a case of rebooting again in Safe mode and doing a System Restore to a point before the update.
     'GRRRRR!' snarled Conrad by this point.  True, he'd had time to finish watching "The Marine:2" and most of "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" but, really!  A chap has limits, you know.

Still incandescent

     Okay, PC was now running without freezing, but although connected online, the connection wasn't recognised, not even after Restarting twice.
     At this point your frothing-at-the-mouth scribe condemned the whole world to hell and went to bed.
     This morning it took another System Restore after enduring another freeze before - Hay Pesto! - things were back to normal.
     'BAH!' exclaimed your talented typist, now back to his normal condition of sullen misanthropy rather than incipient rage.
     What is really annoying is that yesterdays blog got 100 hits on the back of a single post, so putting up a second might have enabled me to beat my previous best.  Alas it was not to be, unless you feel like telling all your friends and a few enemies as well for todays?

All smiles again.  No, hang on -

Today's Coincidence
I have dug out my three-volume history of the Grenadier Guards in the First Unpleasantness, and what do I espy in the Introduction?  Art!

Seven lines up from the left bottom

      "Lieutenant M H Macmillan" - better known, perhaps, especially if you are aware of British politics, as Prime Minister Harold Macmillan.
     Right, that's today's coincidence over and done with, let's not have any more thank you causality.

Clubbing And Drubbing
Conrad, being an idle soul when it comes down to it, is quite pleased at getting in two rants for the price of one screenshot:

What?  Why!

     Because, HOW CAN YOU LIVE! without "live macroeconomic alerts" sent to your mobile phone!  Frankly Conrad would not care less about live, unwell or undead macroeconomic alerts, and as you already know, he hates HATES HATES mobile phones.  So, IG, you are really not selling yourself.  Although we'll come back to economics.
     Cast your eyes over to the right of that photo.  NO!  I'm not talking about scarlet fever.  The golf game.  Since Conrad isn't even a real human, once again Static Topbrowsergames, you ain't selling yourself.

The Big Short
Nothing to do with Martin, who is quite small of stature, rather this film is about the banking crisis in South Canada that triggered a global recession.  It sounds as entertaining as the chapter on logistics in "The War In The Mediterranean Volume 4", which sent your gifted author to sleep.
     But no!  It is an entertaining adaptation of a book, and gently leads the viewer through the banking world, explaining as it goes along.

See bottom

     Conrad may check it out.  He looked up "Bear Stearns" and tried to read about what brought about their collapse, and couldn't make heads or tails of it.  Bankers, it seems, speak a language entirely separate from English, composed of equal parts flummery and jargon**.

"What Did You Do In The Holidays, Conrad?"
Some people have already asked this question***,  so you see there are folks out there who care a smidgeon about your humble scribe, which warms his heart.

A heart-warming shot of Conrad

     One thing I have decided is that I want all my Official Histories of units in one place, since I don't think the list in Word that I have is complete.  Here are most of what I got:

Ignore the cat

     The thing is, to dig out everything I have to move several hundred books from here:

     This means trotting up and down a ladder with bagfuls of books.  I did this whilst waiting for my PC to unfreeze yesterday, so I did indeed seize the shining hour.  There's still several hundred to shift, mind you, so no resting on laurels for your modest artisan.

And Finally -

An M-Class Heavy Cruiser about to end up "Inside the Doomsday Machine"
Not sure where the money-baited hook is.

* I apologise big time for including this yesterday and not translating - "up to speed"
** They probably spake thus back in 1416, to be honest.
***  Thank you Anna!

Flog Golf

"Flog" In Both Senses
Conrad is unsure of where you hail from, gentle reader, so you may not be au fait with the English slang "Flog" - meaning "To Sell" or "To Promote" in terms of a product.  If you wish, you may regard your modest artisan's posting on Facebook and Twitter as a blog flog.  Then there is the rather more painful term - "Flog" as in "To Whip" or "To Chastise".
     "But Conrad," I hear you ask, "What has this to do with golf, apart from an admittedly rather clever inversion of the word?"
     If you are up to speed with BOOJUM! then you will be aware that Conrad is no sports fan, and until Street Football* becomes a real thing, that's not going to change.  You may, therefore, commence to flog golf in the sense of chastising it, severely.  Conrad has never played golf, does not wish to learn how, knows a smidgeon about it thanks to reading P G Wodehouse's collection of short stories on the subject, and that's it.
     Which makes it all the more peculiar that those idiots the Foobs keep on promoting the sport.  Art?  Outline the evidence.

 

    Whisky Oscar Echo**?  Call me cynical but I don't imagine the majority of golfers are top-heavy young ladies in not a lot of clothing.  In fact, aren't golf clubs famously stuffy about dress codes and suchlike?  What about lady golfers, they must be feeling a bit left out by now, although probably whilst wearing more clothes.

That Inexplicable Attraction
I refer to cats and paper.  Regardless of which position I choose at the breakfast table, nor of what time of day it may be, or if I am eating or not, Jenny chooses to come and lie on whatever book I have to hand.  Art?

"Yes!  Yes!  I am keen to know all about British radar developments in July 1940!"

     She's being quite reticent here, normally she'd be right under my nose, purring smugly.

Blog Traffic
I've gone on about this recently, and would merely like to add that we passed the 25,000 hits mark not so long ago.  When I started this unassuming word salad nearly 3 years ago (!) I never imagined it would get popular, or sustain that, if by some chance it did happen.  Let Art provide you with the evidence, as you skeptics need proof:

"Pageviews all time history" = 25,026

     I suppose the good news, if you enjoy BOOJUM! is that I still enjoy creating it, so it will continue.  First Bus and The Metro quiver in their shoes!

"Pointless"
Yes, the quiz show.  Conrad is not sure if you have ever seen it, so a precis is in order.  Teams of 2 players are given a topic, and then have to choose which answer they think will have been chosen least by a panel.  The aim is to get an answer nobody has chosen - Pointless.  Hosted by Alexander Armstrong, whom Conrad only knew as a comedian; he has a successful secondary career singing classical stuff, of all things.  Oh, and the rather clever Richard Osman.

Look at them, brewing up mischief

     Since it's been going for 7 years now I suspect some of you are watching it on the sly.  Anyway, Conrad sat through a round earlier today without intending to - damn you Osman and Armstrong, damn you! - on three subjects:  Celebrities with double-barrelled surnames (score nil); Madonna's hits identified only by first letter (score one); the Space Race (score five out of five) and I knew the one that would have gotten only 2 points - the year the last Moon landing took place***.
     
As Seen On Television
Though Conrad does not often watch television, usually whilst acting as a cushion for Edna the Wunderhund, he takes a keen interest in what is on screen, as it can often be mocked, abused, traduced or ridiculed as grist for BOOJUM! and this afternoon was no exception.
     There is an advert for Activia, which is a variety of sweetened gloppy fruit-flavoured stuff in a pot, loudly proclaiming "Feed your inner smile!" implying that this will bring peace to the world, end global warming and ensure your pipes never burst.

Smile, people.  Or else.

     Conrad, liverish and ill-tempered as ever, sat and frowned at this advert.  It's all very well going on about smile smile smiling; what if your default state is Surly Scowl?

The poster child for Surly and Scowly.
(also Jowly)

Also -
Conrad does not need the presence of glop-in-a-pot to help his digestion.  Here's proof:

"BBE December 2013"

  A bit over two years out of date?  Pshaw!  Nothing!  The jam is fine, as am I after eating it on crumpets this morning.




* From early 2000 AD.  I may elaborate.
**  Nato Phonetic Code for "WOE", the acronym for "What On Earth" as we are SFW here.
*** 1972.  "Twelve oh one alarm!"

The Name - Only Kidding!

Well Partly Kidding
Okay not kidding at all.
     It is <checks watch> 9:49 and I've not even started the usual second post of the day.  Given the usual process it would thus take until 10:49 to post that second blog entry, at the earliest, and frankly I can't be bothered to try and beat the clock like that.
     "But Conrad!" I hear you say.  "What can have happened to disturb the normally inviolate process of Scrivel Creation that is BOOJUM!?"
     Well, that would be The Kids <you see how this all connnects and how frightfully clever I am?>, that is Darling Daughter Sally and her boyfriend Tom.  They came for a brief visit and Conrad, donning his best Grumpy Old Man expression, offered to drive them back home to Longsight, an offer gratefully accepted as this is far quicker and more convenient than travelling by bus, which requires at least three of them and a fair walk at the end.  Before that they were inveigled upon by Wonder Wifey to - amongst eating cake and sipping coffees - watch "The Big Short", which only finished at 8:15.
     Then, as I had gone without food for eighteen days in a row quite a while, I did what I only rarely do and called in at MacDonalds.
     "Cut to the end," I hear you say, with the muffled noise of sweater cuffs being pulled back to examine watches.
     Okay!  So instead of anything original I shall be posting the post of one year ago exactly.  This gives you the chance to see if what goes around Conrad's head varies over time, and also to prove he doesn't simply re-title old stuff and pretend it's new.
     So without further ado -

Major Sad Face Tonight
No more Leonard Nimoy, as I'm sure you've all heard tonight.  Mr Nimoy was known for his character "Paris" in "Mission Impossible", Dr Kibner in "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" (the 1978 remake), as "Ahmet" in the television series "Marco Polo", and notably in both versions of "I, Robot" in the original and remade "The Outer Limits", with a very long list of apprentice television work - and of course - obviously! - as the Uncredited Sergeant chatting-up a WAAF in "Them!".*

Mr Smock with a Unicorndog

"Run All Night"
Conrad has seen this film poster at the bus stop, not yet on buses, and he feels compelled to review it in the style of BOOJUM!.  That is to say, without knowing anything about it, and not bothering to find out, either, and generalising terribly.

He's either blindfolded in a metaphor about BOOJUM!'s film review rules -
- or he's playing an invisible Theremin

     Obviously this is a film about nocturnal joggers, who are probably one of those subcultures you never hear about unless you're part of them, like pylon-spotters, bog-snorkellers or Subutteo League players. 
     Well, Conrad has some questions.  First of all, what time of year is this set?  Because you might only get six hours of night in high summer, and twelve in the depths of winter.  That means you need to have incredible endurance, or not.  Secondly, how do we define "running"?  What speed counts as "Running"?  Is this an average or median value?  Thirdly, who monitors these joggers, because it's DARK and you can't see if they're cheating by getting a lift off passing motorists, can you?
     Frankly the whole thing is a bit of a nightmare to organise and run and Conrad won't be hurrying to see it.

Ah!  Thank you Art.  Obviously "Run All Night" is a shameless rip-off of this film. 
Shocking!

Saint Ives
Let me put the old saw to you:" As I was going to Saint Ives, I met a man with seven wives.  Each wife had seven sacks.  Each sack had seven cats.  Each cat had seven kits**.  Kits, cats, sacks and wives, how many were going from Saint Ives?"
     It's not rocket science!  
     2,402 of course.  
     7 x 7 x 7 x 7 +1.
     " - going from -"

Ist Hives.  Close enough

Cake!
I was up against the clock last night, getting in late and with the Pub Quiz to attend at 9:00, so I'd gotten the almond sponge ready the previous night and all I had to do was work the ganache into a spreading consistency.  A little easier said than done when it's been in the fridge all day!
      I managed:

A rush job

     I no longer have a guinea-pig at home to test stuff out on, so it was a slightly apprehensive Conrad who dished out the slices at work - Sophie and Alison barely suppressing their delight at cake with CHOCOLATE! upon it and within it.
     

Hmmm.  You know, Vulnavia, I think they like it!

A Bit Of Whimsy
Conrad recently purchased "Swan Song", a supernatural thriller by Robert McCammon, which begins with the end of the world and progresses from there - after World War Three the supernatural starts to impinge on the survivors.  Viz:

I'm leaving this small as it's rather unpleasant.  But accurate

     I remember reading this first time round back in the late Eighties, and Wonder Wifey took an instant dislike to the book.
     "That's just showing off!" she snarled.  "Nobody could possibly write a book that long.  And only another show-off would try to read it!"
     It is rather long but the story rattles along apace and after only a few days Conrad is up to Page <checks>326 of 956.  It is nowhere near as complex as Thomas Pynchon, so I'm really on a winner.

Amanda Wants Pulling
I kid you not.  One of our team, Amanda/Mandy, loudly and suddenly declared that she needed to be stretched, as on a rack.  Long hours hunched over a PC, I suspect.
     Racks, medieval torture implements, are rare in today's modern office environment***, and so Mandy decided that two brawny men would serve instead.
     "How would you -" that is, your humble scribe Conrad^ " - and Anthony like to stretch me?  You could get my arms, and you could get my legs."
     Anthony and I were united in declaring that not only were we not interested in carrying out any such thing, but that we'd need notarised signed pro formas before thinking - not doing it, just thinking - about it.
     Conrad, however, fired by a spirit of mischief that bubbles under the surface ALL THE TIME, remembered a couple of items that might serve if those notarised signed pro formas ever arrived.

No! Not chocolate biscuits!

     Just to be clear that we're not talking about chocolate biscuits:

Cable ties.
For tying cables.

     Mandy, with her mind definitely on the kerb if not actually in the gutter, loudly pronounced me associated with some film about monochromes - "Fifty Shards of Grey" I believe.
     That's all for that, which has swum dangerously near being NSFW and NSFC.

"House Of Leaves"
The rather striking Laura D.^^ mentioned this novel to Conrad in passing, whilst he was telling her about the "Codex Seraphinianus" in such detail that her brain was glazing, never mind her eyes.
     "It's dark, and weird,' she explained -

Hmmm.  Looks like a Monopoly piece.

     SOLD!
     Two of the Interested buttons that always get Conrad interested.  Did I ever tell you about "The Yawning Heights", which <Mister Hand shuts this post down before readers die from Sudden Ennui Syndrome>


* I believe he was in some cult television series whom nobody's ever heard of called "Starry Trek" with a theme tune about Bilbo Baggins.
** Airfix, Revell or Tamiya?
*** Although believed to be quite common in North Korea.
^ Under his alias "Rob"
^^ Can't embarrass the gel with her full name!