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Monday, 2 November 2015

Prost!

I Feel I Should Use This
 - as we have been discussing and illustrating and drinking to "Where Eagles Dare", which as you doubtless know by now is set in Germany, where they say "Prost!" in lieu of "Cheers!".
     One thing that annoys - I mean realllllly annoys, as badly as having American tanks from the Sixties painted grey pretending to be PANZERS! in "Battle of the Bulge"* - is the presence of a contemporary helicopter in the film.  It's not there for long, and is even worked into the script to imply that it's both new and experimental, yet it sends the Continuity Czars into fits of apoplexy.
See!  The Helicopter most Heinous!

      Conrad flicks an imaginary speck of dust from his mechlin lace cuffs**, as he is not big on aircraft and really can't be bothered.
     No, what ANNOYS Conrad about WED is the tracked armoured personnel carriers that crop up in the background, which are from the SIXTIES!
      I shall post a photo or two whilst my blood pressure falls back to normal -

There it is.  What did I tell you?
     There's more:
See the slinking steel beast sidle by!

And again.
     Where's all the fuss about the shamefully anachronistic use of <Mister Hand intervenes to prevent a twenty page rant>

First Bus - A Breach Of The Trades Descriptions Act?
Once again Conrad is annoyed.  I know, I know, most of you regard this as my default emotional state, and since I'm annoyed at First Bus, you're probably even more confirmed in your shockingly stereotyped analysis.
     It's just that, on the way into work, when I'm on a schedule, the 24 driver takes a long diversion that puts the bus firmly into a long, long queue of traffic in Moston.  On the way home, when my time is still precious yet not so strictured, the 24 driver doesn't bother with a diversion.
     Almost breaching our SFW credentials, I venture to suggest that First actually run Pubic Service Vehicles.  Any comment from their HR department?
"Yes.  Quote "Heh!" Unquote."
 Calendula Officinalis
I have to put this in to avoid a third post about how annoyed I am, although that will probably come in a few minutes.
     So, what or who or where is "Calendula Officinalis"?  It sounds like some civic worthy of the Second Century BC, from Rome, who - beat the Persians at chess?  Discovered you can eat grasshoppers if you roast them?  Bathed in asses sweat to keep his good looks?  Banned the keeping of walruses within the city limits?
   Sadly none of the above, which is good as walrus-banning is close to a violation of your human rights.
     It's a flower, better known as the Marigold.
Added to salads for colour
       And used in cosmetics for thousands of years, as you can get an oil from them that protects the skin.  Yes, I've been looking at the back of my bitty bottle of balm. Again.

Farewell, Halloween!
Yes, and about time too, as I was getting annoyed.  Firstly by the idiots who came knocking whilst Doctor Who was on - have these people no sense? - and secondly, much more intensely, by the excessive use of the pun "Spooktacular".
     ENOUGH WITH SPOOKTACULAR!  DESIST!  DON'T BRING IT UP IN 2016!
     Thank you.  That is all.

Another Annoying Spelling -
I'm really sorry for all this spite and venom, clearly that single word "Prost!" is the only thing about today's blog with any cheer or pleasantness about it.  Anyway, let me illustrate my point:
     Do you see what they did there?  "Armored" is deliberately mis-spelt, in that ingenuous way that the South Canadians have.  This advert is not only off-color, as they would put it, it's also off-center.  Or it would be if I didn't have to enlarge it so much.

Temper Temper Tempura!
Yes, another annoying thing.  Small in the overall scheme of life, yet one more affliction that one can really do without.
     To what do I refer?
     Prawn tails.

     I can't complain as I got these going cheap - no, let me rephrase that.  I can complain and I'm going to.  Whose idea was it to leave those horrid dry scratchy scaly shrimp tails on the shrimp?  I do not like them.  I do not eat them.  No human I know eats them.  The only creature that eats them in the Mansion is Edna the dog, and since she doesn't pay the grocery bill but I do, she doesn't get to vote.
     There will be some bleating baffoons who assert "They allow you to pick the tempura up with your fingers."
     Idiots!  Allow me -


     This is a FORK.  It allows you to pick up food and differentiates us from the beasts of the field.  A staple for 400 years, it makes the shrimp tail obsolete.



* Sorry about the emphasis, but I re-live the horror.
** I nicked this from PG Wodehouse

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