I See V

There You Go - Conrad Not Trying To Be Clever
If I was then the blog title would be "I.C.V." and I'd mislead you with a farrago of nonsense about the "Interception Counter Vehicle" that was carried on the Minuteman nuclear missile's bus, enabling it to defeat anti-ballistic interceptor missiles -
     Not a whit of it is true.  Well, not to my knowledge.  NORAD, SAC and Pine Forks Missile Base are not commenting, so if I did get ICV right by accident, expect never to see BOOJUM! again.

Er - this looks kinda ICV-ish.

     If I - hopefully! - haven't lost you, then allow me to explain further.  Yesterday the blog's theme was "V", and I mentioned the Thomas Pynchon novel "V", which includes scenes set in Valetta, the Maltese capital.   Dogsitting this afternoon, I read the biography of Jean Parisot de La Valette, leader of the Knights of Saint John on Malta during the great Turkish siege of 1565.  The capital, Valetta, is named after him.
     What have I just read about on the BBC website?  More on Malta and Valetta, where HR The Queen* lived whilst she was just Princess Elizabeth.  HRH is currently visiting there, hence this interest.
     So much coincidence!  Mind you, I did mention that reality-bending bandit Thomas Pynchon yesterday, so I ought not to be too surprised. Phil?  Any comments?

"If it's not Tom, it's the aliens.  Between 'em reality is getting a right shoeing."

NANOWRIMO
Alas, I am going to have to give up on putting forward "The Annals of Urquelomplangia" for this year's contest.  It still stands at only 5,000 words.  Instead (heh heh!) I shall have to file off the index numbers of a previously-composed work and submit that instead.

Conrad, looking evil.  Or it might be indigestion.

     I know, I know, just call me eeeevil.

Doctor Who: "Heaven Sent"
Conrad likes to go into each episode knowing nothing at all about it, as this means he is not prejudiced or partisan and can judge each show on it's own merits.  This can lead to frothing at the mouth when an expected two-parter turns out to finish at a single episode, or the cliff-hanger is not resolved and there's actually another episode to come.  I'm sure I speak for you all.

Peter digs a hole to hide in if this is a two-parter and Conrad goes off on one

     So, I did not realise that last night's show would be pretty much a solo performance by Peter Capaldi.  You had a shuffling bathrobe with claws, and a supporting cast of flies, and Miss Smug Gums herself, Clara Oswald, put in a cameo.  Otherwise it was all Peter.
     I have to say I liked it a lot more than last week's extended death scene nicked from Harry Potter, but this week's did go on rather.  An awful lot of set up.
     Now, here be SPOILERS!

Also pictures as there's a lot of empty space otherwise.
Any Yorick jokes to hand?

SPOILERS, NO KIDDING!

NO! It's not the world's biggest Nutribullet.

STILL WITH US? STILL SPOILING!



The Doctor goes through a trial and tribulation for forty minutes, ending up with the realisation that he's been stuck in the Castle of Splendid Isolation for - 7,000 years.  He finds a block of solid <cough cough wasn't paying attention> that's four times harder than diamond, tries to punch his way through it and gets fatally roasted by the bathrobe.  This repeats on a fast loop, with his quoted time at the Castle increasing each time - 12,000 years; 600 thousand years; 1200 thousand years; 2 million years; 20 million years; 1 billion years; 12 billion years.
     Finally the <Sprong**?> breaks beneath his pounding fists and he breaks through into - Gallifrey.
     Don't mean to carp, Doctor, but there was a spade lying around you could have used instead of your fist that might have cut a few billion years off your incarceration.

The better to batter

What's In A Name?
Whilst perusing the television channels, what did I espy but: "Russell Hobbs Pans Blockbuster".  Very cheeky of Russell I say.  I was always fond of it myself, as it concerned words and being clever.

Blockbuster.  Just so we're clear.

Whilst We're On The Subject -
Me being clever, if it wasn't clear enough.  What film is this?

Go on, ask me -

     SLACK MASS!
     I know, I know, I amuse myself sometimes.

First Bus
Truly performing to type, one bus came early so I missed it, and the next was late, so I got wet.
     I like to think of First Bus as a vast monolithic entity, rather like the black slab in "2001: A Space Odyssey".  No, I don't mean that they happen to be a super-intelligent hypercomputer, I mean they have the intellect of a black slab***.

The Black Monolith - if designed by First Bus

* Stand up and salute you idle shower!
** Sprong the wonder material I invented.  Lightweight, durable, rust-proof and available in either black or white.  Caution!  May cause voles to explode.
*** A black mass, perhaps?