I Can Explain Everything, Officer

Spare A Thought For The Police On Halloween
Of course, this being BOOJUM! we won't go into the debate on our lovable blue-suited bruisers-bordering-on-blackshirtism, as that would be both Current Affairs and Police Politics - Policics, to coin a word.
     No, what Conrad refers to is the tendency for young people to get dressed up in costumes on Halloween and make-up that suggests they've been gutted with a set of serrated walrus tusks, then had their entrails extracted and disco-danced across the road and into the trees.

Entrails gazing at themselves.
It was too hard finding any that were disco dancing.  Sorry.

     Now, imagine the uproar and outrage that would ensue if the police came across a young person that this grim scenario had actually happened to, except they gave it a miss " - because it's Halloween, innit?"  So, they have to continually stop and address parties of young people who have imbibed a great deal of grain and grape, making sure that the cleaver buried in George's skull is made of tinfoil, and that the eye hanging out of Marcie's left socket is in fact a painted grape, and that the mysterious white powder in Tarquin's pocket is, indeed, sherbet.
     That's the police.  Next year we shall tackle hospital staff ...


Doctor Who: The Zygon Invasion
Well well well.  A bit blunt, that title, getting the issue out in the open straightaway, no shilly-shallying, eh?  This episode is about the Zygons, see, and they invade.  Got it?
     This is about a rebel faction of Zygons who want to come out into the open, resplendent in all their pizza-skinned glory, rather than skulk behind a human facade*.  Given that they are shape-shifters, and we didn't see what happened to Clara in that flat, of course Conrad realised she was One of Them.  This becomes glaringly obvious when she pumps Ms Stewart for information about Z67, a nerve-gas invented by Surgeon Lieutenant Harry Sullivan that turns Zygons inside out**.

A Zygote.  Close enough

     Kate Stewart hops off to Truth And Consequences (New Mexico) and the location looks quite convincing.  Why is she there?  I forget.  It's in the script.  Anyway, she's supposedly killed off by a last lone lurking Zygon.  Supposedly, as you don't actually see her get scragged, and remember what happened to Clara, and remember that two can play at pretending to be human - 

Case in point

     Meanwhile the Doctor zooms off to Turmezistan, which looks quite Welsh, as it's a hotspot of Zygon activity.  Not that Zygon activity has anything to do with being Welsh, although they are Celtic and the last but one lot turned up in Scotland.
     Sorry, rambling a bit.  Anyway, the UNIT troops sent to do in the Termezistan Zygons are a bunch of idiots, who willfully toddle to their deaths.  This was a phenomenon widely noted in the UK when UNIT first began; Commanding officers would offload the incompetent, the idiotic and the underdone amongst their troops by sending them to UNIT, and the same seems to have happened here.

UNIT's crack Prance Troop in training

     Then the pretend-Clara shoots down the airliner carrying the Doctor and Osgood, at which point Conrad realises that this is a TWO-PARTER!

I can wait

You What?
You know Conrad, he likes his music, and a fair amount of classical stuff, too.  Fluency in Dutch, however, is a little beyond him, so I wonder why on earth that this popped up on Facebook:

     I can puzzle out the beginning: "The residency of Bernard Hatink with the Chamber Orchestra of Europe is -" and then it goes one to mention elks, which I don't think are native to Holland.  Whelks, yes; large quadrupeds with antlers, no.

You What Part Two?
Another suggestion from the Foobs.  Behold!

"Introducing the Zeppelin Wireless"

     Eh?  Zeppelins went out with the ark.  Or was it the elk?  Not what you'd call contemporary or advanced.  Out of here with your primitive wireless!

From Holland To Norway Via Greece
Likke Til!  Which is Norwegian for "Good Luck!"  Firstly, may I present this photo:

"Norwegian Formula"

     If these people knew that Conrad was - obviously! - going to read the ingredients, they might not have bothered to call this stuff "Norwegian".

     As you can see, it's written in English and Greek - not Norwegian - and look at that list of ingredients.  What makes it Norwegian?  Unless any of these are the active ingredients of goose fat, herring oil or bear grease.





* Personally I'm all for human facades.  Mine is very high quality.  No chafing or rubbing.
** Although you'd have to beware if this happened on Halloween, eh?