British colloquialism*, don't you know. What's that? You didn't think this was going to be about underwear again, did you? Really, BOOJUM! is solidly SFW and small children. I'm sure you can find all sorts of other blogs that feature what Isaac Asimov** aptly and tastefully described as "the female figure undraped divine", but Conrad's not going there.
Yes, we did feature a female bottom once, except it was a statue, which makes it art, not tart.
Anyway, "Stealers". Remember that old saying "Procrastination is the thief of time"? I can go one better than that and inform you about people so thoroughly steeped in evil that not only do they steal time, they file the serial numbers off and sell it on the dark web.
Let the motley commence!
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| How apt is this? HOW APT! HOW VERY APT!! |
Last Night, First Bus And Middle-Of-The-Road
As you must surely know by now, Conrad and First are in a constant state of conflict. I wouldn't call this a battle of wits as the collective IQ of First's management would render them as combat-effective as a woolly sock***. Still, before last night my air of horrified disgust - or disgusted horror, if you prefer - could not have been deeper (or wider) than it already was.
Foolish Conrad. How little did I know!
I had forgotten that First might form a joint partnership to obstruct passengers in transit from Point A to Point B. Last night they joined forces with another element of the Axis of Awful: National Grid. This organisation exists to inconvenience the public at large by randomly digging-up pavements and roads, and yesterday they picked on the A57's junction with Dean Lane.
When I mentioned Middle of the Road, I don't mean the one-hit novelty wonders of yesteryear, nor yet the holding of an opinion in between two extremes, I meant where National Grid decided to dig. They flanked their operation with barbed wire and landmines^ to make sure nobody intervened, thus creating a tailback for miles that added an extra 30 minutes to my journey.
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| Art! Come out of the coal cellar and - |
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| The A57 last night: an artists impression |
I like the Lips, and that's that. Potty but entertaining. Also this album has what must be one of the longest song titles ever written by a band not trying to artificially make it up, which would be caddish, unsporting and not-British. Although they could get away with the last as they're South Canadian.
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No, I've no idea why "Deathporn" is in there, what it is exactly, nor indeed why it is smiling.
"The Clicking Of Cuthbert" By Plum
I've just finished reading the last story of this collection, "The Coming of Gowf", an historical satire centred on golf. P G Wodehouse has invented the pre-Biblical Kingdom of Oom, with King Merolchazzar in power, attended by courtiers such as the High Priest, the Lord High Chamberlain, the Keeper of the Eel-Hounds and the Second Tenor of the Corp of Minstrels.
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| A masher, a niblick and a tatty cleek^^ |
Again, the Foobs have underdone themselves in bringing up an utterly ridiculous Suggested Post. Let me illustrate -
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| Colour me baffled |
1) Conrad does not ever drink gin. Not keen on spirits in the first place, I am convinced that gin is the sinister chemical ooze that trickles from the dark bark of evil trees lurking deep in the radioactive forests of Carpathia.
2) Why on earth did anyone imagine an anthropomorphic boar would be a good selling point? Had they, perhaps, been sampling the product a little too often themselves?
Bah!
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| Isaac Asimov. |
* Slang
** Top South Canadian sci-fi author. Awesome sideburns.
*** One with a hole in it.
^ Okay, perhaps they were only plastic boxes.
^^ I'm making this up.
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