MUTANT WEASEL BANANA!

Sorry, Yesterday's Title Was A Bit Dull
For which I apologise.  "Context" doesn't exactly stir the soul, set the pulse racing and produce visions of valedictorian vicissitudes.  I did try to compensate by stretching the truth a little - okay, okay, lying utterly - later with the heading "Atomic Space Laser Battling Underclad Ladies".
     But - I've got you here - there is little that can beat MUTANT WEASEL BANANA! I think you'll agree.  Catches the attention.  Draws you right in.  Now the difficult part, a picture 

Obviously some people have entirely too much time on their hands

     Well, there you are.

Where Eagles Dare - Conrad Speaks Out
Here's a plot hole that's not been very obvious before, since NOBODY over at IMDB picked it up, just as they neglected to point out about those 1960 armoured personnel carriers that Conrad was frothing about.
     This might take a minute to get across, but it's all good stuff, honest.
     We are told that "General" Carnaby's Mosquito crashed after being shot down by a roving Messerschmidt patrol.

NO!  Art, dammit, I'm getting my Tazer -

     LIES!  Lies, I tell you!  You can't guarantee that the Luftwaffe will only shoot your airplane down a bit, instead of riddling it with holes and killing everyone aboard.
     Therefore, logic dictates that the aircraft was sabotaged with a timed explosive device.  The pilot, after all, is primarily interested in keeping his aircraft in the air.  It's an aircraft, after all, not a bus.  You can't say "Oh Group Captain Pine-Coffin*, would you be a sport and crash your Mossie in the Bavarian Alps, ensuring that you kill yourself in the process? Thanks awfully!"

Better!  Thank you Art, you coal-chewing cabbage

     You can't have the pilot hanging around blabbing about the sabotage afterwards, so Carnaby probably has orders to kill him before baling out.  That way it looks as if the Mosquito has been shot down, crashing after the pilot was killed.
     What do you think? Plausible?  Or - is it possible I'm over-thinking this a bit?

Context Naked Nuclear Ninja Natterjacks
No, sorry, lying again, this is about context!
     Come back!  Please, trust me, this is short and it has a picture.
     Last night I was banging on about the Committee of Imperial Defence, that British pre-First Unpleasantness institution.
     Tonight, looking blankly at bottles of beer to see if the Muse struck, what did I see?

Ah yes the old Empire.

     It doesn't taste bad, either.  Before you ask, "Indian Pale Ale" was brewed to cope with the very long sea voyage to India, where the thirsty of the Empire awaited it.

The Metro - 60 Seconds
Yesterday I was taking lunch with an assortment of staff, including Carol, who has the interesting and amusing habit of starting off a sentence without bothering to finish it.  
     'Is he still alive?' she mused, on looking at the "60 Seconds" page.  'I thought he was dead.'
     She was referring, dear reader, to William Shatner, probably the world's most famous Canadian.

One for the ladies.
(Don't worry, he is wearing pants)

     'No," replied Conrad.  'Wrinkled as a walnut, yes.  Passed beyond this mortal coil, no.  You're conflating him with Leonard Nimoy, Carol.'
     Bill played Alexander the Great in an unsuccessful television pilot, you know.  And Conrad has long cherished that description from a forum member over on The Agony Booth, about Bill in "T J Hooker": "That wig looks like it's going to come alive and eat him!"

By the looks of it, the wig is already past the hors d'oeuvres

I Apologise, Tom
As you surely know by now, Conrad is a hair-splitting pedant of the very worst kind.  Not only that, he - sorry, "pedant" is one of those annoying people who insist on Everything Being Defined Exactly And Precisely Without Any Error All The Time - is also a confirmed Grammar Nazi** AND a Spelling Boor.

Look at that face.  "Grammar Nazi" oozes from every pore.
Also, Conrad, you could do with eating less pies.

     Just how bad these conditions are in your humble scribe was not apparent until this afternoon, when Tom - poor, harmless, Twinky-loving Tom - happened to be communicating with the manager on duty.
     " blah blah blah Appendixes -" he said, at which point Conrad started awake.
     "APPENDICES!"  I snarled.
     Of course we can laugh about it now, Rachel and I, yet Tom - I fear Tom will never be the same.

"Tom wrote his own obituary"

"Ash Versus The Evil Dead"
Ah, now, this is what we're talking about.  Definitely no children under the age of 21 allowed.   I don't know if you're familiar with "My Name Is Bruce", but in that film the director and scriptwriter set out to mock Bruce Campbell with a never-ending stream of derision.  And Bruce lapped it up!  He's not at all precious, and you see that in AVETD, as he is consistently described in the most pejorative*** details.

Er - this is Ash.  He's the good guy.

     So, what tick-boxes does AVETD fill?
     Swearing = Yes.  Lots of the F-bomb, as I'm told it's called.
     Drugs = Yes.  Ash goes on a drug-fuelled journey^ of self-discovery.
     Violence = Yes.  When he squeezes that doll's head - it's bloody^^ eyeballs pop out!
     Your humble scribe was caught out, though - the episodes are only 30 minutes long and we left this last one on a cliff-hanger!

"This is my -"  ART!  I've got my T-

Okay, Art, just in time.

Now you wouldn't know it, but I got in late tonight and only starting typing up the wonderful lines that greet your sight at 20:48.  I'd already worked out what to write but thanks to First Bus and their timetables^,  there's rather a lot missing.  And, a little to my surprise, we've already hit 1,000 words.  Well, there's always tomorrow!


* A real surname, honest.
** Even though his knowledge of grammar is actually rather hazy.
*** Nothing to do with Peyote
^  Everything to do with Peyote.
^^ Not swearing.  Remember, BOOJUM! is SFW.  Those eyeballs really ooze blood.