West Ham

 - But First, "Suszone śliwki"
Which is Polish for "Prunes". Now, if you ever get into a conversation with a Pole (given that there's lots of them working here this is not impossible) you can wow them with your knowledge of dried fruit.
More Of Prunes (Don't Worry, We Will Get to West Ham Eventually)
The Electric Prunes
These have featured on the blog before, as of course you remember so well, and just to prove that Conrad has not been at the Dimethylene Hydroxonium, proof positive:

Validated!

Now For Virgin Prunes -
Yes, these are a real band. Whilst listening to M83 in the car this afternoon, I was reminded of their track "Red Nettle" that came on a free cassette with the NME many decades ago*.

Again, validated!

Irma Prunesquallor
A character from that bizarre, bewildering, weird and enigmatic** novel "Gormenghast" by Mervyn Peak. I may be stretching a little here, but once again - whose blog is it?

Irma, by Mr Peak himself.
Talented writer and artist.

Before you criticise the name, remember Thomas Pynchon and his use of strange names - Ruperta Chirpington-Groin, anyone?
Revolt of the Prunes
Once again, if you've been paying attention over the past weeks, you will remember this incident from Ronald Searle's "Whizz For Atoms".

Revolting Prunes!

No pictures available, so be content with a pun instead.
Prune Juice - For MEN! (Also Manly Aliens)
If you have seen every episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" then obviously - obviously! - you recall Mr Worf, colloquially known as "Mars-Bar Head". He has a passion for prune juice, which he declares to be a warrior's drink, and if you don't believe me -

Considering what it does to your bowels, he's not wrong

Oh and that crack about a Mars bar -

Validated!

Right, that's enough about prunes. Next!
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay
Conrad can't let this go without squeezing a bit more comedy out of it, like sucking the remaining juice out of a halved, de-pipped and squeezed lemon***.

This Jay is being sarcastic

This one is being malicious

And this one is twerking at you

There you go. Mocking Jays.
"Men Of Straw" (Yes, Yes, Be Patient, "West Ham" Is Coming Up)
Another anecdote from Anthony at work, about men who were professional witnesses-for-hire. They would loiter outside the law courts, with a straw stuck in their shoe, advertising that they were available to any lawyer who wanted a convenient (if completely dishonest) witness. Conrad checked and - entirely true!

Perhaps a little too insistent on how for-hire he is ...

Ah, Coincidence My Old Friend
As mentioned yesterday, Naval & Military have sent me their latest catalogue. What was the first thing I saw when I began reading?
No! Not Jenny the cat sitting on the page. This:

"Why is this significant, Conrad?" I hear you ask. "Also, have you been at the Protoactinium Methylulose?^"

Author Peter Hart - we follow each other on Twitter.
Conrad - friend to the stars!

Because this is the book I am currently reading.
I Allude To Food - West Ham
Yes indeed! Behold -

I know that East is actually Chorizo - but whose blog is it?

Here you have North Ham, East Ham, South Ham and <drum roll> West Ham!
What's that? There's also a football team named West Ham? Well I never, that is surely another example of coincidence at work.

* When cassettes were new and vital and original.
** All of which means Conrad loves it.
*** Before throwing it in the bin, of course! and whoever says they saw otherwise is lying
^ No! Only the cooking sherry!