Bolton Wonderers

Yes, Really!
But first we have to decoy Facebook and post something entirely different in order to confuse the hamsters.  So, without any more wittering:

Ah, those wacky Poles

     Don't be unduly distressed, this is about the Poles eyeing Pooh Bear with a great deal of suspicion, and well they might with a name like that.  Also, they are entirely correct about him being only half-dressed, and the top half at that. However, they are getting a bit worked-up over a bear who's not bare, if you see what I mean in the original E.H. Shepherd illustrations:

I foreswear to declare his clothes aren't there

     Entirely naked.  And that's as far as BOOJUM! ventures onto NSFW ground. Next!

"Indigent" (Yeah, Yeah, Bolton Wonderers Is Coming)
You don't often see this word in use today, unless a journalist in The Guardian is trying to sound clever.
     "Please, tell us O Mighty Conrad*, we implore you, tell us what it means!" I hear you calling.
     Briefly, it means to be poor or needy.  Latin-derived, of course, from "Indi" meaning "into" and "egere", meaning "To need", and from thence to Old French and then Middle English.
     So.  Poor.

"Where's Conrad?"
In de gents**.

Confusing English:  "Rubbish Removals"
Seen in an advert yesterday.  If English is not your mother tongue*** this might be interpreted as a firm who are honest, perhaps a bit too honest, about the quality of the removals business they run.
     No!  Nothing of the sort!  More properly it ought to be "We Remove Rubbish", but of course they went for the comedy angle.

"Quietly, carefully and above all sinisterly, the giant rubbish heap stalked the innocent suburban house..."

The Death Zone
Conrad is not quite sure where he picked up this phrase recently, probably in connection with a -

The Death Zone, Gallifrey - from "The Five Doctors"

     NO!  Art Department, don't try my patience!
     As I was about to say, probably in connection with -
     - don't pester!  I shall get around to Bolton Wonderers in my own time!
     - in connection with mountaineering.
     A dangerous hobby, mountaineering.  There are different classifications of altitude, from High Altitude to Extreme Altitude, and it's the latter where one encounters the Death Zone.  These are heights above 8,000 metres - 5 miles, in proper measurements - where it is impossible for human beings to acclimatise to the very low air pressure.  Without bottled oxygen to breathe, you will die.  It's that simple.
     A morbid little mention here - 120 people have died on Everest, most of them in the Death Zone.  At this altitude you may also suffer from Acture Mountain Sickness, or High Altitude Pulmonary Edema or High Altitude Cerebral Edema, the latter two usually being fatal.
     Take sage old Conrad's advice, listen to the track "Everest" by Public Service Broadcasting.  That's as close as you need to get:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrWw53rkVRM

Metro-Malleting
Today Conrad takes exception to the front cover, which blatantly LIES!
     One should not be too surprised that the Reptiles who collate this collection of crud aren't too fussy about the truth, but!  Conrad and his one-man^ campaign will not be denied!
     Here the cover:

Roy who?  Kate who? Who?  Who?
Damn.  I sound like an owl^^.

     The print might be a little small in the upper right, but that sigil boasts "Four pages of showbiz".  
     NO!  NOT TRUE!  BEHOLD:

"Gaze on my works and despair"

     Thanks to the adverts, you have about a single page of articles here.  And notice how much space those huge text titles take up.  And the stock photographs.  Those four pages condense into a single page of text.
     Er - right, time for Bolton Wonderers before you lot start to wonder about Current Affairs ...

Bolton Wonderers
Yes, quite.

Perhaps "Wonderer" as he's all alone

     Here we see an engineering student - hence someone who wonders about stuff - and he's mucking about with a car and tools, obviously having just added a piece of kit with a spanner - a bolt-on.
     Next you'll be telling me there's a foot- oh, there is?
     What another fantastic coincidence!

Right, enough for now, the Pub Quiz is in thirty minutes and I have to iron a shirt, maybe two.

Chin Chin!

* Hey - I'm flattered.  Never been called "Mighty" before.  Shan't let it go to my head, though.
** Not so much poor as a bit naughty.
*** - and if it's not then you have my profound sympathy.
^ Actually alien, but the point remains the same.
^^ Apt.  The symbol of Oldham