Dynamo Kiev+

Success So Far -
 - But I don't know how long we can keep the hamsters at bay ...
     Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking - and I quite agree, whichever soiled soul came up with the idea of "Scrappy Doo" ought to be put through an industrial mincing -
     What's that?  You're not?  You want to know what my first sentence means?
     It's the hamster inspectorate who oversee and interfere over on Facebook, the wretched rodents.  We have to keep decoying them away from the blog's title post with random nonsense like this -

What's wrong with this picture?

      What's missing?  Why the Enormous Giant Crane, of course!  Most of it has been dismantled and removed over the weekend, and there may be even less of it tomorrow.  I will be sorry to see it go, it's been around since July last year when it helped to dismantle the old and decrepit parts of Victoria Station.

Right!  Did you know a negative number cannot have a square root?  Well now you do.

El Alamein
A distant dusty desert battle fought in October 1942, about which Conrad could probably bore for not only England, not only the UK but probably for the Northern Hemisphere.  Currently I am re-reading Niall Barr's excellent "Pendulum of War" about the campaign, and he mentions some of the peculiar British vehicles devised to detect and destroy minefields.  These are not well-represented in the current literature, but Conrad will see what he can do -

A bit Heath-Robinson, I grant you -

     This is a truck, pushing concrete rollers studded with metal spikes.  The spiked rollers will detonate any mines they pass over.  At least that's the idea ...
     Then there's the Scorpion Flail:

Terrifying, even standing still

     That drum at the front was strung with metal chains that were whirled round like a - well, like a flail, hence the name - and which knocked seven shades of shinola out of any mines in the vicinity.
     The drawback is that it created a mobile sandstorm, and sounded like all the lost souls in Perdition were coming at you - not a bad thing if you want to put the wind up your opponent!

The treasure-hunter's ancestor

     This is the hard way - sweeping with a metal detector by the Mark I Human Being.

"Oh - "Mine-clearing"!  I thought you said "Wine-clearing"!"

Coca-Cola Life
This is venturing dangerously close to Current Affairs, which as any fule kno, BOOJUM! doesn't deal with at all*.
     En route to The Electric Goldfish Bowl this morning, Conrad noticed one billboard set back from the road a good fifty yards** and was able to read the main title with ease:

Not exactly the same, but close enough

     I have pitched this at "Extra-Large", and can you make out the small print in the lower left?  No you cannot!
     Conrad was immediately suspicious**.  This smacks of a company putting out the information it has to, but in such a way that nobody passing by can possibly make it out.  What are these natural sources?  After all, arsenic is entirely natural.  And poisonous.  As is Amanoita Phalloides, the Destroying Angel mushroom.  So, for that matter, are Chuxulub-sized meteors.
     So what could it be?  Finely-powdered mineral ores from the Earth's core?  A species of Tibetan slug, dried up and chopped very finely?  Beetle sweat?  Guano extract?  
     Enter Stevie.  Allow me:

Stevia Rebaudiana.

     Pah!  Reality, you are boring!

Metro-Merit
It isn't often that I congratulate the Manchester litter-tray liner and chip-shop wrapper The Metro, but they did manage to balance the scales*** today. 
     Why is this? Well, they have a brief interivew with David Batista.
     Who hell he?  Only Drax The Destroyer from that very excellent "Guardians of the Galaxy" fillum which Conrad went to see at the pictures.

Erm - I get your point.  Both of them

Seriously, this chap is not someone to get on the wrong side of, unless you pack a phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range.
     Also, Drax is hilarious for his po-faced literal weltanschaung^.

Dynamo Kiev
Yes indeed.  You need one of these -

A Dynamo, Industrial-sized

 - because otherwise you're not going to be able to cook one of these -

It could be any supermarket.

     I know what you're thinking - and if it was called the "Home of Lords" it would confuse cricket fans - sorry, what's that?
     "Hah! Conrad - we have a gas hob and oven!"
     Yes, but you still need electricity to power the ignition button.  And have you ever tried cooking in the dark?^^
     Oh, gosh, I just realised - some people out there might have mistaken this Cautionary Public Warning About Dependence On Fossil Fuels to be about an Ukranian football team - what are the chances of that happening!

O Noes!  It's True!
I posted in jest yesterday, but - it's true!  The hamsters are running EVERYTHING!

"All your dynamo are belong to us"

     Flee!  Run for the hills!  Save yourselves!  BOOJUM! will carry out a noble sacrificial rearguard mission!


* We make an exception for baking: Currant Affairs.
** Alright, I am always suspicious.  Extra-suspicious.
*** Only a little.  Don't get presumptuous, Metro!
^ German for "world view".  Every blog needs a little pretension, nicht war?
^^ Conrad has, during a power cut.  Verrry tricky!