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Wednesday, 5 November 2014

Manchester United

Sometimes The Bad Brings Out The Good
As tonight, at the 24/182 bus stop when the bus was half an hour late, people were chatting to one another, brought together - even total strangers - by their shared hatred of the bus company. 
     This is a rather flippant example and I'd like to look back earlier this year to a genuine phenomenon.  Back in September an evil little scrote* started a fire at Manchester Dogs Home in Harpurhey that destroyed it and killed dozens of dogs.
     What then happened?  Why, the people of Manchester (and further abroad) dug deep into their pockets:
http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/manchester-dogs-home-fire-how-7759447
     This item mentions the £300,000 raised within days.  By October this total was up to £2 million.  The English like their pets and out of the misery and destruction the Dog's Home is going to come back bigger and better.
     Oh - sorry - you didn't think I meant the football team, did you!



The Coincidence Hammer.  Again.
Earlier this week I was bleating about not being able to find the film "MacBain" anywhere on the shop floor, what is the world coming to, letter to the Times, where have all the flowers pumpkins gone, etcetera.
     Well, last night I happened to be watching "Once Upon A Time In The West", which I've only seen once, decades ago, and there it was - MacBain's farm, run and owned by Mister MacBain, to which the future bride of Mister MacBain is being driven. 
     What are the chances of that happening?
     Er, Phil?  Any chance of a quote?
"Glad you liked the novel below, Conrad.  The coincidences?  Intimations of alien interventions.
Or you're crackers."
Deus Irae
Finished this on the bus tonight.  Although it does have some of the tropes of post-apocalyptic science fiction, there is a good deal of philosophising on Christianity, and a bit of the supernatural, too.  Since it was written episodically over at least five years by the two authors, parts of it don't gel together.  
     As I mentioned last night, one of the central characters has no arms or legs, and gets around in a cart, with "extensors" grafted onto his body to take the place of arms.  Who grafted them on, with hospitals and surgeons no longer around?
     Then there's Carlton Lufteufel, deified as the "God of Wrath" who gave the bomb order that destroyed most of the world, but who was head of a civilian energy agency - how can he order any such thing?
     Mention is made, once, of giant underground repositories that store all the knowledge of the pre-war world - and they're never mentioned again.

A Polish cover.
Don't bother, because nobody knows what this is!
     However - unusually for anything by PKD! - there is hope, optimism, redemption and a move from beneath the shadow of death in the last chapter.  The world moves on, leaving the Deus Irae behind.



Monkey Business
Conrad got a snap of a hoarding this morning on the way to work - you can't find this image anywhere on the web, perhaps because the penny has dropped.  Here it is:
By the dawn's early light.
You know, that would make a good song ...
     I hope you can clearly see what the issue is here.
     That's not a monkey.  It's a CHIMPANZEE!
     Sheesh.  Chimps are ugly, aggressive apes.  The deadpan Orang Utan is much nicer, gentler and probably cleverer, too.  But you can't have one of them because SSE power have nicked that idea.


"High Vole-ume"
Yes, back to everyone's favourite band from Chipping Sodbury, The Voles, as you of course remember they dropped the "Skreeming" part in 1983.
     This album is a live record of their 1987 tour, each track recorded in a different venue.The set list runs thus:  Mice To Meat You; Away With The Hairy Fairy; Rat Fink A Boo Boo; Fatal To Fish; Flanarchy In The UK; Rabid As Rats; The Molecatcher's Lament; Someone In This Room Is A Cannibal; Toxic To Voles; The Dark Side Of The Loon.
     As you can see, a pretty representative sampling of their work since 1979.
     The CD version, released in 2009, has a collection of out-takes, demos, rejected songs ("Felicity Kendall Is A War Criminal" stands out) and an interview with the Right Reverend ffrench-Hughes Hallet - lead-singer Tarquin's dad***.
How the vole sees itself.

Vade Mecum
Conrad is not entirely sure how to pronounce this, but will go with the phonetic version.  Again, he must apologise for this phrase surfacing in the Sargasso of Sentient Sewage that is his mind, and if you can explain why and how there is folding money in it for you.
     What does it mean?  As you might guess, it's Latin** and literally means "Go with me".  Once we adjust the idiom, it actually means a useful item that one keeps readily to hand.
     That's it?
     I had hoped for a bit of blood and thunder.  Oh well ...
Conrad's other Vade Mecum - "Never be without  notebook"

Finally
As you of course know by now, Conrad likes to exploit small cute animals in order to generate blog traffic, so go "Awwww!" at the baby donkey:
Seconds later, it ate the photographer
     Now that we have the Cute Donkey out of the way, let us wheel on Eeyore.  You may condemn him as a dyed-in-the-wool pessimist, but Conrad believes our grey friend has a message for the world.  What is it today, Eeyore?

"Life is a box of thistles."

     Wow!  Succinct, yet so, so true.


* This is not a compliment, foreign readers.
** The zombie language once more.  Sorry!
*** Mister Hand would like to point out to all readers that The Toxic Voles DO NOT EXIST! and are probably an indication that the end is close for Conrad's sanity^.
^ But then again ...

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