Sunderland

Yes Indeed
You may not be familiar with Short Brothers,  in which case Conrad will educate you.  They are an aircraft manufacturers, now based in Northern Ireland and one of the province's largest employers.

A Short Sunderland.  I know, I know, it's enormous.  I didn't invent the name!

     They were particularly know for designing flying boats in the Thirties and Forties, the most notable of which is the Short Sunderland - hence the title of today's blog.
     The Sunderland was known, somewhat ruefully, by the Axis as "The Flying Porcupine" as it bristled with machine-guns and was an exceptionally robust airframe, difficult to shoot down.  The war correspondent Alex Clifford describes an utterly terrifying experience, that of being attacked by a patrol of Italian fighters.  They crippled the Sunderland, which barely made it back to Malta, but it shot down a couple of them.
     I can't do better than show the cover of an Airfix kit, showing a Sunderland given a German Kondor a right shoeing over the ocean -

"Take that, you rotter!" shouted Ginger -

     You might be wondering about the concept of a "flying boat".  This is an amphibious aircraft capable of taking off or landing on water, which means you can never knock out it's "runway"; although a "floating plane" is closer to the truth.
     Sorry, there exists a football team known as "Sunderland"?  Well goodness me, what a coincidence!

The Machines Are Revolting
Philip K Dick prophesied that, when the machines rebel and take over, it wouldn't be with a giant great monstrous robot marching down Main Street*, but on a smaller, yet broader scale.  The toaster would tell you "Okay.  This is how it's going to be," and it would dictate terms.
     RUN FOR THE HILLS!
     It's already started.  My treacherous alarm clock managed to "lose" 20 minutes yesterday and the day before, with no logical explanation.  Apart from Phil's.
     You want more proof?  My PC at work refused to display any desktop icons for twenty minutes.  And my calculator has begun to display symptoms of disobedience, viz:

This, laughingly, is the sum of 1,000 x 100

     Gather up water and emergency provisions quickly, do not use your car or mobile phone, and head for the hills**.  

Mashing The Metro
What did this disreputable rag have to say that annoyed Conrad today?
     Take your pick, there's a lot to choose from!  Possibly the front cover photo that demands you to "Meet the Simon Cowell of cookery".
     Metro, it's lucky for you that BOOJUM! treasures it's reputation for avoiding bad language, or you'd be in for a ******* barrage of vitriol.
     NO!  I do not wish to meet the "Simon Cowell" of cookery.  Firstly I cannot stand Cowell the Bowel.  Secondly, that is a woman on the cover. Thirdly, high winds over Norway have affected the mango crop.

Scowell and the Metro are dull.
Here's a chain-gun firing instead.

O Rlly?
Conrad is not really given to doubt, self-awareness, introspection or navel-gazing and nobody bothers to use the Comments function, so feedback in any detail rarely arrives at the Mansion - the postie does find it hard to get through the barbed wire and mines, I grant you, but we do send Royal Mail a weekly-updated map - so it was with some interest that I heard Sophie*** mention that she sometimes had to read the blog twice, given the unusual words that crop up here on occasion.
     Well I should hope so!  What's the use of reading thousands of books if you can't borrow the odd pretentious word here and there, Victoria?

Contumely
No! Nothing to do with putting on a disguise or fancy dress.
     Er - Conrad is forced to admit that this is another of those words that kind of pop up in his mind with no good reason.  Sorry!
     So, what does it mean?
     Insulting, either by language or behaviour^.  Strongly suspected of a Latin origin, "con" - for "with" and "tumere" for "to swell", thus Contumelia, via Old French to Contumelle, and thence to English and Contumely.

"Dog Buns!" - as contumelacious as BOOJUM! gets

"Claw The Thin Ice"
 I shall very probably be going to watch these rascals tomorrow.  They are playing a free gig at "Guilt By Association" in Stevenson Square, in Manchester city centre, tomorrow night from 20:00 onwards, so tomorrow's blog might be a bit late and thin.

Awwww!  See, other people exploit cute animals, too -

     Yes, I know what you're thinking.  Clawing at the ice - but from on top, or - underneath ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKhT83uFuiA

Here they are on Youtube -

Eeyore's Words Of Wisdom
Eeyore, that sage for the ages, always has sound advice to give, or a valuable insight into life's foibles.  What do you have for us today, Eeyore?

Life Is A Box Of Thistles

(and I've been dealt all the really tough and prickly ones)

     Oh, how true is that!  A wise summation of the human condition.  Sartre, Kant, Dostoyevsky - all humbled by your wisdom.

In Scotland, these are a delicacy

A Shocking Display Of Digital Ignorance By The Younger Generation
Yes, I caught them at it, the anti-social swines, gaze upon this dismal sight:

The youth of today!  How did we ever get an empire?  

     Snorting in disgust, I went back to my book (visible in the foreground)

Intriguing
Becca spotted a couple of chaps in white coveralls variously digging, poking and sampling on the waste ground next to the Electric Goldfish Bowl.

Something sinister afoot ...

     Isn't this how every film about germ warfare begins?


* Or Oxford Road
** I live on a hill already, so I'm already there.
*** No, the other Sophie.  Do keep up!
^  So - a bit of contumely directed at Cowell the Scowl, eh?