With Fiends Like This

Who Needs Enemas?

To coin a phrase.  I shan't go into the second phrase, toilet humour is it's own reward.  I am struck by mentioning 'Fiends' - yes, you read that correctly - and the depictions of same over on Twitter.  Art!

     Properly fiendish, isn't it?  The joke is that this represents an Orc, one of the horde from modern-day Mordor, and the NAFO Sniffing Brigade of 'Fellas' as they call themselves (though there are plenty of gels in there, too) is critiquing the "New York Times" because of a perceived tolerance of Chipmunk Cheeks and his merry band of bloodbathers.  The real NYT is not, surprise surprise said nobody, very happy about this, because it's satire and you can't sue the pants off people for cracking jokes at your expense - Donald Buck discovered this when "Saturday Night Live" was mean to him.

     ANYWAY onto how India is not an ally of Ruffia, in case you weren't aware.  Thanks to Joe Blogs for doing the analysis over on Youtube, which we have mentioned in outline already.  Art!

     You can see that, prior to the Special Idiotic Operation, India hardly bothered with Ruffian oil as it was a big faff to get it delivered by tanker when there were nearer sources.  Post-February 2022 they buy up to 2 million barrels per day.  Then, suddenly, in mid-2023 their purchases drop sharply, perhaps by as much as 22%.  Three different economic agencies have estimated the Ruffian imports to have declined by -

Kpler = 16%

Vortexa = 18%

LSEG = 22%

     With increased purchases from Saudi to make up for any shortfalls.  There are three main drivers for this decrease in purchases by India.

CURRENCY:  Irresistible force, meet immovable object.  The Indians originally wanted to pay for oil in dollars, the accepted international currency, which the Ruffians refused to take, out of spite.  They claim economic reasons but, really, it was just them being petty.  India wanted to pay only in rupees, which again was unacceptable to the Ruffians, as rupees are only good in India.  The Russians demand to be paid in rubles, which was unacceptable to the Indians, as rubles are only good in Ruffia, and not much even there.

     Eventually a compromise is worked out; payment will be made in UAE dirhams, which are a stable currency pegged to the dollar.  Belay the ticker-tape parade, because the UAE banks are now ordering the Indians to open their books and see if the oil price-cap has been observed.  Of course it hasn't.  Thus the oil purchases have stopped.  Art!

RUFFIAN OIL PRICES:  The rest of the world hasn't waited or hung back.  Ruffian oil was originally the cheapest in the world post-SIO.  No longer; as you can see above, Iraqi oil is now the same price and sea-going tankers carrying it don't have to travel from the far-distant Baltic.

SANCTIONS:  Yes, that dreaded word again.  The initial round of sanctions affected about 65% of Ruffian crude exports, which has now declined to 30% as their fleet of rusting hulks takes up the slack.  For refined fuel the figure is still at 60%.  Not too bad?  Guess again, because the South Canadians are now imposing secondary sanctions on anyone facilitating the transport of Ruffian oil, which now includes 6 Ruffian tankers marooned at sea off the Indian coast because they've been sanctioned.  No Indian ports want anything to do with them.  Art!

     As Joe pointed out, losing the Indian oil market is a serious blow for the Ruffians, as there is no alternative market for them to export to.  Part of the 850,000 barrels per day cut in their oil production may be more a consequence of losing sales to India than nobly toeing the OPEC+ line in reducing production to raise prices.  There are far fewer problems for India in buying Iraqi oil, and no compelling reasons to still buy the thin mineral slime to keep Harry Hamster Head happy.

I'm Not One To Over-Egg The Pudding -

Ah who am I kidding?  Conrad put that up without thinking, and then thought, and emphasised it, especially to annoy Peter The Average.  Not only are the Ruffians short of fish, chicken, eggs and petrol, winter has descended upon them with a vengeance.  Art!

   
     This isn't a bunch of villagers out in the wilds of Siberia, we're talking metropolitan Moscow here, with 20,000 people existing without power, heat or lighting and being forced to build bonfires outdoors to keep warm.  Art!

     What price that mocking Ruffian advert from late 2022 that predicted Europe would freeze without Ruffian oil or gas?  I'll bet you get five years in a gulag for daring to mention it.

Enough Of Frozen Slavic Gloom!  Bring On The Dancing Horses!

     Okay, that's enough of the lightweight fare.  Back to doom, gloom and misery.

"City In The Sky"

Ace and Terry, stranded aboard the stricken Arcology One, are endeavouring to discover the Doctor's cryptic message.

A faint memory, like a tickle on the brain, surfaced when she read the strange message.  What had Doctor Smith said about the aliens hiding amongst humans – ah!

     ‘What kind of horse isn’t a horse?’ she croaked, giving them a few seconds to chew on that.

     ‘Clothes horse?’ guessed Ace.

     ‘Sore throat?’ tried Terry.

     ‘Trojan horse,’ she replied, feeling a smile contort her face despite her condition and the state of Arc One. 

     ‘Yeah!’ remembered Ace.  ‘What we first encountered – the Trojan asteroids.’  She hastily described the arrival of the Tardis in orbit and detecting both the orbital environments and what the Doctor described as “builder’s rubble” collected in orbit around Earth.

     Emilia stared at her, starting to feel what might be fear or excitement bubbling in her stomach.  She sat up, sweat dripping off her chin and into the hollow of her neck, and grasped her Tab.

     ‘Schottsky?  This is Emilia.  Get your introspective carcass up here to my room, right this instant!’

     She winked at them.  ‘That’s the only way to get his attention!’

 

     Emil Schottsky, chief of the astronomy staff aboard Arc One, was as small and active as a weasel, unable to sit still for a second and constantly peering at his watch.  Ace looked at  him with amusement, wondering how he managed to keep his eye to a telescope for more than a second at a time.

     Hopefully that was dark enough for you.

"The War Illustrated"

I'm unsure if we've got any stills from the edition I'm currently working through.  Art!

     The aftermath of the campaign to conquer Monte Cassino, a campaign notable for how awful it was in terms of the weather and terrain - and, if you were a Teuton soldier, the appalling amount of firepower the Allies could ladle out.  I remember one Teuton soldier saying that his unit was glad to leave Ruffia for Italy.  He then stated that his Italian experience was so bad he would have gladly crawled back to Ruffia on his hands and knees.

Finally -

I had better go put the oven on now.  Not only do I still have 4 breaded pollock fillets to use up, but yesteryon I acquired 8 remaindered chicken drumsticks, which also need a good cooking before they turn an interesting colour.  Good job I didn't use them in the Sunday Stew as it barely fit into one of our larger plastic tubs.  Ah me, what a rascal I am, banging on about chickens and fish.