Which Is, Indeed, A Variation On Nappy Bon's Bon Mot
"An army marches on it's stomach", he purportedly said, which you cannot take literally, because grovelling like a worm in the mud is hell on uniforms and makes for slow progress to boot. Conrad supposes that he meant victualling an army is crucial in allowing it to serve a military function, and he's not wrong there. Art!
Nappy totally rocking the sinister look
The reason Your Humble Scribe is dealing with this in the Intro is because of a bafune posting on Twitter, which, if Art will stop mooning about Audrey Hepburn -
Military rations have a long and splendid history of being detested and reviled, see for example the "Amministrazion Militare" stamp placed on the rations supplied by the Fascist Italian state to their Axis armies in North Africa. The Italian soldati nicknamed their meat rations "Arabi Morti" or "Dead Arab", whilst their Teuton brethren called it "Alte Mann" which translates into something incredibly vulgar. Our South Canadian military cousins used to call their "Meal, Ready to Eat" or "MRE" "Meals Rejected by Ethiopians" back in the Nineties. Art!
He's happy as these are captured British tins of food.
And, who said the Teutons had no sense of humour?
What I wanted to do was quote from "The Road To Crecy", an excellent account of the English (and Welsh) army's campaign in France, which has information about the King's own table contents. Art!
NOTE FEMALE MILITARY HISTORY AUTHOR!
Of course I cannot find it. One suspects it's in the Book Mountain atop the cupboards, where it can stay as Conrad isn't going to shift three hundred books to try and locate it.
ANYWAY from what I remember, the King's dining got gradually less exotic and plentiful as the campaign wore on and food became a preoccupation.
"I'm going hunting to get us fresh meat" - um not you're not. For one thing, the French had emptied all the farms along the left bank of the Somme River, ahead of the English*, so there wasn't anything left to steal and eat. For another, do you really think game animals are going to hang around at the approach of a force of perhaps 10,000 men? For yet another thing, how long are you going to be able to sustain said army by going hunting? Art!
English tourists visiting the French countryside
From what I recall, the English army will have arrived in France with a limited amount of food supplies, for two reasons: firstly, food en masse is bulky and requires lots of transport; secondly, this is in the mid-fourteenth century and food preservation is very basic - pickling or salting is as sophisticated as it gets.
You are now invited to view one of my most used words in the blog - however. The English were campaigning in France, which was to be regarded as hostile territory, even if Edward III claimed that the lands belonged to him. Thus, it was quite alright to plunder and loot, EXCEPT for churches. Thieving the silver plate from a French church was a good way to experience sudden death by hanging. Thus the English set to with a will before a French army could be mustered, cutting a swathe of destruction 20 miles wide on their approach to Paris. On their way back west along the Somme's left bank, there was trouble finding sufficient food, meaning the army had to spread out and look hard for anything edible, which slowed it significantly. Art!
When they got back on the right bank, the French had failed to strip the land bare, and Eddie's stalwart warriors fell to on the landscape and ate it empty.
Just for a moment imagine that the English army numbered some 10,000 souls; this is a bit of a guess and perhaps at the upper bound of probability, yet it works well because units of ten.
Assume that each man requires one pound of meat, cheese and bread per day. Thus 3,300 pounds of meat. Or, if you like, a ton and a half of meat per day. Do you really think "I'm going hunting to get us fresh meat" is going to be able to find (assuming 90 pounds of edible meat on a single deer) eighteen deer per day every day? Or, over the whole campaign, 720 deer? Art!
Deer hart
You'll notice I've not gone into either water, nor fodder for horses. Water supply was simple; ponds, streams and rivers would be used, knowledge of virulent micro-organisms being nil. People would probably go upstream of those using a river as a latrine, mind. Fodder? For another day.
A Little 'Prussian Seasoning'
Okay, gentle reader, you may recall this title from an item I put out earlier today, which I didn't use then as the item was plenty long enough already. Art!
Now, recall that HMS 'Penelope' displayed the use of wooden 'bungs' as temporary repairs to plug holes in her hull. Allow me to prod Art into sentience with this handy toasting-fork -
In case it's not clear enough, this says "Mallet and plugs for caulking bullet holes". This, as you may have guessed, is a Teuton installation, and Conrad is unsure how, exactly, the British regarded them. An illustration on Youtube has one with a large Red Cross painted on it. That didn't stop the RAF from shooting down or shooting up Luftwaffe rescue and recovery aircraft used to rescue downed Luftwaffe crews, which were also bedaubed with Red Crosses. I suspect it would have been sent to the bottom of the Channel by making more holes than there were caulks.
May You Live In Eggciting Times
Gosh, I wonder which country this could be filmed in? Art!
Fighting over eggs is a bit of a non-starter in my eyes. They are fragile and easily damaged, at least before you boil them. "I'd like to pay for this bag of eggshell and glop, please," is a phrase Conrad has never used himself during the weekly shop.
From the looks of the above, next week a few of these OAPs are going to be wielding hatchets and pistols.
"City In The Sky"
It looks as if a minor emigration exodus is taking place on the southern coast of Australia, as inhabitants flee a prospective tsunami.
He was wrong, as the video feeds showed only hours later: the departing
armada from New Eucla only made it’s way to Barralonga, ten kilometres further
east along the coast. The ships put in,
dropped off their passengers and made their way back to Eucla. Those who debarked began to make their way
along the Eyre highway, heading eastwards and inland, having passed on the
warning to the citizens of Barralonga, and the whole process began again.
Emilia, wheezing painfully and with her eyes nearly closed, summoned a
hasty meeting at Lichfield, with those scions of the Founders who were
available, plus Schottsky, a couple of mechanics from
‘Who can pilot it?’ asked the gruff engineer from
I know, I know, that's shockingly animalist of me.
Bordering On Politics
There has only just taken place an election on Taiwan, where someone has been elected - the two tend to go together - and which has, apparently, annoyed the politicians in Beijing. Art!
<sounds of Tazers>
Finally -
There's a can of beer with my name on it, and it's a-calling me. Laterz!
* Just take it as read that this includes the Welsh and a handful of anti-royalist French.
No comments:
Post a Comment