Shut That Door!

This Will Take A Bit Of Explaining

Waaaay back in the mists of time - the Seventies, pilgrims - there was a very camp, effete British comedian called Larry Grayson, whose schtick seemed to be - I'm not entirely sure, but it seemed to be camping it up and being effete.  Don't forget, this is in the untamed Seventies, when you could make all sorts of assertions or comments or jokes that would get you served up in the ICC today.  He must have had something to get on prime-time television; a good agent or blackmail photographs?  ANYWAY his catchphrase was "Shut that door!", which one would think had limited comedic applications, as doors are not naturally found in the wild.  Art!

Durdle Door.  The exception proving the rule.

     Don't worry, we're inching towards the meat of the matter.  Larry was only by way of introducing thaat phrase, because we are going to abruptly change channels and witter on about that most excellent children's television program "The Trap Door".  Art!

     Conrad is intimately familiar with this program as Darling Daughter had the collection on VHS.  It is from the Eighties, so a decade more advanced in the arts and graces than that barbarous period preceding it, amen.

     The plot in TTD always centres around a dirty great trapdoor, set into the very lowest basement of a sinister castle out in the boonies.  Or Romania.  One of the two.  Berk, dim-witted servant of the castle's unseen shouty master, is always battling monsters that emerge from the trapdoor.  

Don't you open that trapdoor, you're a fool if you dare!

     Art!

Berk and pal Boni

     

     Conrad, from a perspective many years later, has to wonder WHY NOT JUST PADLOCK IT SHUT!  Or, roll a large, weighty object over to sit atop it.  Perhaps I am overthinking it .....

     Not a sentence you can ever associate with -

One of these two.  I'll let you guess.

     It can hardly have escaped your attention that the Human Beef Jerky is the focus of a second defamation suit by E Jean Carroll, who must be congratulated on her parents giving her the world's shortest first name.

Photoshopped or not?  Only you can tell!

     He has already been found liable - not 'guilty' as this is a civil not a criminal trial - from the first trial and already owes $5 million.  That's not all the bad news, as the trial judge has already found him liable for this one, so the case is for the jurors to merely decide how much Trump ponies up.

     O boy.

     The reason for today's title is that DJ Tango cannot keep his flapping piehole shut, and Conrad feels a malicious glee at how despairing his attorneys must be, because the defamation continues, whilst the trail goes on, IN THE COURT HOUSE CORRIDOR.  Art!

Proof!  Proof I tell you!

     You see, Trump likes to call a gaggle of reporters and carry on defaming EJC after the day's trial is over.  This means that the latter's attorneys have now added in more defamation charges to be added to the court docket, or whatever they call it.  Way to go, Donald.
     Nor is that all.  EJC appears to be living rent-free in DJT's head, as witness his obsessive all-capitals rant on Truth Social, where he managed the admittedly impressive feat of Truthering about her 42 times in a single hour this week.  Art!

     Then we get to money, which is where Pumpkinhead suddenly starts to pay attention.  You see, there are two components to any financial judgement made against him: one is Compensatory, which is the amount an expert deems sufficient to remedy the defamation already committed.  The expert assessor in EJS's second defamation trial has set this at $12 million, although the lady herself is only going for $10 million.  The second component, which must have DJT and his lawyers sweating, is Punitive, and it's exactly what it sounds like: a punishment.  Art!

Rudy when he heard the verdict

     This is a parallel case, where Rudy Giuliani was being sued for defamation, and guess what? he behaved just like his ex-employer - namely defaming the plaintiffs whilst the trial was ongoing.  This is distinctly bad form as it merely provides the jurors with concrete up-to-date evidence of what a bottomhole you are.

     Rudi got hit with $130 million in punitive damages.  Ouch.  And he had far less financial backing than DJ Tango.  Who ought to have a padlock put on that trap door of his.  People, including Conrad, are waiting to see what kind of fine he gets hit with.  "Hit" being the operative word.  Tee Hee!

Speaking Of Monsters

Yes we did, in that part about "The Trap Door" PAY ATTENTION! or you will surely suffer the consequences when I take over.  Any day now.

     ANYWAY Conrad happened to notice a rather outstandingly big beast in a Youtube thumbnail, which he saved as a link.  Art!

     Looks frighteningly impressive, doesn't it?  This, ladies and gentlemen and those unsure, is the "Lego Technic Liebherr LTM 11200 Crane.  It has "MOC" in the title, which Conrad has translated as "Mine Own Construction" or, in other words, a bespoke build.  I shan't go into any more details as I've not watched the vlog myself.  Will definitely get back to you on this one.

"The War Illustrated"

Back to bedlam.  Art!

     This is Issue 185 since I managed to cut the top of the magazine off. dated July 31st, by which date the Teutons mayyyyyy have begun to suspect that this 'feint' invasion was, perhaps, possibly, on the balance of things, the real deal.

     Unfortunately for the Teutons, by the title date on this issue, things had gone so badly awry for them that there was no coming back from it.  Their armies elsewhere had been retained in place to deal with anticipated invasions that were completely fictional and never in issue.  Tee Hee!

     Also, the chap to starboard above was General De Gaulle, who was an insufferable prig.  He though the entire invasion should be commanded by none other than himself, because he was so important.  In his own mind.  He was more prickly and arrogant than Montgomery, which is an impressive failing, and the entire Allied leadership by this point in the war were utterly fed up with him.

     No doubt there was a tad of arm-twisting to get him on this front cover.

"City In The Sky"

Things are looking a mite dodgy aboard the 'Pangolin', after an unpleasantly loud noise denotes an accident.

Enough maneuvering fuel left to manage three hundred seconds of vectoring, which meant either being able to re-orient Pangolin when they reached the Trojans or when they returned to Arc One; they didn’t have enough fuel to do both.  Not being able to change course meant a much longer stop-over, reducing their already non-existent reserve of oxygen.

     ‘Good,’ he replied, blandly.  ‘Let’s get on with this mission.’

     There was a way out of their mess, if it came to that.  Of course, it meant one of them would die.         

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Running Wild

      It hadn’t been easy to persuade Mike, Lenny and half a dozen of New Eucla’s more senior and responsible citizens that the whole town needed to be evacuated without delay.  They could, and did, send a pair of couriers east and west on the Eyre Highway to pass on news about the Lithoi infiltrators, their human-shaped transport and their human dupes. 

     Their meeting was held on the floor of the main town hall, where a continuous parade of curious citizens came to gawp in wonder at the gutted maquette of Old Ben the Wanderer, laid out on the stage with a protective guard to make sure nobody touched the mangled thing.

     ‘Please!  You are all in very great danger!’ the Doctor expounded, again, emphasising his actions with an umbrella wave.

 

"It's Not Looking Good"

Big K's recurrent phrase during his most recent analysis of the land of Ruffians.  Just remember that Ruffia is immensely larger than This Sceptred Isle, with twice the population, and now has an economy about one-third of the UK's.  What an achievement!  Because it used to be half.  Art!

His (subversive) drink of choice

     Big K explained that one of The Populous Dictatorship's biggest car manufacturers is no longer exporting to Ruffia.  Chinese banks are now halting their financial business with the Ruffians, all thanks to the threat of that dreaded phrase "Secondary Sanctions".  This is on top of India's crude oil purchases falling catastrophically.

     Ooops.  Before the Special Idiotic Operation China's economy used to be 10x bigger than Ruffia's.  One wonders how much bigger now - 12x?  15x?     

Finally -

Not sure how to end this.  In a blaze of fire and glory?  Art!

     Hmmm.  Hopeful but - WRONG.  Sorry!