Old Dog Picks New Tricks

The 'Old Dog' In Question Being Me

Conrad! in case there was any doubt.  Who else do you think is writing the finest scrivel to ever grace the internet?  Lord Lucan?  Jimmy Hoffa?  Judge Crater?

     ANYWAY as you should surely know by now, Conrad is able to play his i-pod via his television, although he hasn't worked out how to select tracks and has to put up with a random selection.  Art!

     Given the number of CDs and tracks, it's perhaps inevitable that a certain number have no band or album title, as above - "Track 12".  I think some might be from dodgy free CDs that compiled dance tracks, and others are strange and unusual pressings that Apple cannot read or recognise.

     Playing the track, it's definitely Mr. E (he of Eels) singing, because he has a very distinctive voice, and the subject matter is, of course - obviously! - depressing and miserable.

     Technology to the rescue!  Conrad pondered - "What would happen if I Shazamed it?"

     Eels - "There I Said it", from "The Deconstruction" is what happened.  Art!

     This is great, in a minor way - it's always annoying to have a track that you might like and yet be unaware what it is or whom it's by.

     Ironically, Shazam is owned by Apple.  Go figure.

     Because this would otherwise be a very short Intro <shock horror society quivers to it's roots> I will further elucidate on Shazam, the comic character, which, if Art will stop gorging on coal -

     That's Captain Marvel ACCEPT NO INFERIOR SUBSTITUTES and Billy Batson.  BB transmutes into the Cap when he says "Shazam", because magic, and comics from 1940 didn't bother with reality or logic.  The comic came out under the title of "Captain Marvel" in 1940 and did spectacularly well, until those killjoys at DC decided to sue in 1953, citing Superman being copied.  What, it took them 13 years to notice?  After that the comic became "Shazam" for the next 20 years.  Art!

Just to annoy DC

     DC finally acquired the property in 1972 and have unsuccessfully tried to bring the character back in print.  The film's pretty amusing, however.  Art!

     Okay, that took us up to 362 words, which is sufficient for me to quit wittering and get on with the rest of the blog.  Unless - can I pad things out enough to hit 400 words?  Of course I can!

     Excuse me, an opera track just came on and we need to skip the ghastly caterwauling -

Pome Needed

Dull stuff about the office here, you can skip if you want the raw adrenaline rush of puns or zombie fiction.  Okay, Conrad is due to be working from home next week, but will be venturing into the office on Friday, because if you're office-bound you can finish at 13:30 to attend a goodbye event in the auditorium.  It's goodbye because the Ask HR staff will be working from home the week after and are all redundant as of 15/07/2022.  Art!

Adjourning here as of 17:00

     Now, being a man of letters <pause for applause, gets none, sulks> I feel it incumbent upon me to come up with a doggerel verse to celebrate this event.  You cannot call these things 'poetry' so I have dubbed them 'pomes'.

     Muse, get working in the background!

ZOMBIES!

Yes, because it's in our Blog Charter - "Tanks, Atom Bombs and Zombies" and Your Humble Scribe is nothing if not literal-minded.

     So to "Malnazidos", a trailer for which popped up on Netflix as they tend to do when you've not quit out after watching a film.  Conrad merely caught the word 'zombies' and then had to wait five minutes until the clip came around again and I got the title, which you see above.  Art!

     A Spanish zombie film, set in their Civil Unpleasantness, which is intriguing and will doubtless twist a few tails.  One to watch after "Stranger Things"

And Whilst On The Subject Of Conflict -

Let's bring up another photograph from "The War Illustrated" where Conrad will pontificate wisely.  Art!

     This is over a year before D-Day, so the Allies had no boots on the ground in Occupied Europe - the invasion of Italy doesn't come until September - so in lieu of that you have the RAF and USAF conducting 'rhubarbs' across the Continent, 'brassing-up' a list of targets.  The aircraft you see here are Typhoons at top, saying a happy hello to Teuton planes.  In the middle is the Westland Whirlwind, a rather neglected fighter that resembles a baby Mosquito.  Remember what I said about a proper timescale for research and development in an earlier blog?  From Wikipedia - "A radical aircraft requires either prolonged development or widespread service to exploit its concept and eliminate its weaknesses. Too often in World War II, such aircraft suffered accelerated development or limited service, with the result that teething difficulties came to be regarded as permanent limitations"

     The bottom illustration claims to show the P51 Mustang in action, apart from not looking anything like the aircraft and with fearfully inaccurate guff written about it.  Art - real thing please!

- And Still On The Subject Of Conflict

You didn't surely think you were going to get away with no more "The Sea Of Sand", did you?  The Doctor and Sarah are chatting companionably with Lieutenant Llewllyn, trying to elicit information without seeming mad or out of time.

‘The Professor dropped the “Schwartz” part of his name when the war broke out.  Didn’t think it very apt to be carrying a German surname, especially not given his religion.’

          The Doctor gave a rueful sigh.

          ‘Sorry.  We have been a little out of time, not quite in touch with events.’

          ‘Is he Jewish?’ asked Sarah, her journalistic sense kicking in at the possibility of a human-interest angle.

          Llewellyn coughed in embarassment.

          ‘Well only in the sense that his parents were Jewish.  He once described the Bible as a – how does it go? -’

          ‘ “A collection of piffle wrapped in waffle”!’ interrupted the Doctor, proud of having recollected the quote.

          ‘Er – quite.  Frankly I’m amazed he bothered to change his surname, because that implied he noticed what was going on in the outside world.  The Professor, Miss Smith, is not very worldly.'

          Casting a knowing eye at her time-travelling mentor, Sarah nodded wisely.

          A companionable silence settled in the tent, in stark contrast to the whooping desert winds outside.  Under their impact the tent walls bulged and swayed, sending rills of dust over the floor.  Finally, the lieutenant judged his hot water to be hot enough, as steam rose to make a temporary sauna of the tent.  He carefully measured out sugar and condensed milk into three of the worn mugs, then poured the boiling water into a decrepit tin teapot.  Letting it steep for several minutes longer, he poured liquor into the mugs and offered them to his guests.

     'Out of time' meaning 'anachronistic' not running late, just to be clear.

Finally -

Nearly at the Adjusted Compositional Ton.  What can I pontificate about now at short length?  Hmmm.  Well, I see the BBC is 'celebrating' The Rolling Stones.  You are aware, Auntie, that the ones who aren't zombies are cyborgs?  At least The Beatles had the good grace to break up before they became an embarrassing pastiche of a rock band*.

Proof!  Proof, I tell you!

*  Lest you be unaware, Conrad is not a fan.