Not Sure Where This Will End Up

It Goes Back To Yesterday's Title

"Cheeky Cheaty Conrad's Sneaky" which, once I had typed it out, immediately reminded me of that phrase "Softly, softly catchee monkey".  Why you would need to resort to cod-Chinese in order to apprehend a simian is quite beyond me, unless they did it for the rhyme, in which case force majeure and all bets are off.  Art!

Unprepossessing lot, aren't they?

     These, ladies, gentlemen and all unsure, are the "Softly, Softly" bunch of police.  Their title comes from the training school for police in Lancashire, whose motto is "Softly, softly, catchee monkey" - all completely fictional, of course.  The phrase itself means to take things slowly and cautiously, rather than indulging in car chases and shoot-outs a la South Canadian television shows about police.  

     At the front is Detective Chief Inspector Barlow (whose nickname was "Bully Barlow") and to his port, Detective Inspector Watt, who led a team of police in the supposedly-Bristolian county of "Wyvern".  Directly behind Barlow's hat is DCI Gwyn Lewis, played by Garfield Morgan.  No, he didn't suffer endless cruel taunts about his name being that of a cat, this is the Sixties we're talking about here.  Do keep up.  He did later play another senior police officer - Art?

     - in "The Sweeney", where he had the unenviable middle-management job of buffering the likes of Regan and Carter from his seniors, who dealt more with budgets, politicians and public image.

     ANYWAY "Softly Softly" (I tried using the abbreviation 'SS' which didn't look great) itself is a spin-off from another police series set in Lancashire, and you may not believe me given the international situation after the Tiny Toxic Terror Toad kicked things off, but hear me out.  Art!

    The fictional police of Newtown use alphabetical call-signs, and since Ulverton up in the north of Lancashire has the call sign prefix "A", by the time we get to Newtown waaaaay down in the south they're onto "Z".  Which, by wild coincidence, also happened to be the first letter of their vehicles - the Zodiac and Zephyr.

     LET ME BE CLEAR.  IT IS PRONOUNCED "ZED"

     "Z Cars" was quite different from previous television shows in that it took place in the unfashionable North-West, rather than London.  It was also quite 'gritty' as we would say nowadays, because good did not always triumph, and justice might be delivered with palsied narcolepsy.  Yes, Vulnavia, within strangling distance of reality.

The last episode

     "Z Cars" had the advantage of a phenomenally recognisable theme tune, which, if we can - 

Tv Theme Z Cars (Full Version) - YouTube

     There you go.  An amazing guest actress on display.  And no horrid contemporary images of Ruffian Z cars on fire or burned out.

ART!

Let Us Remove To A Higher Plane

NO!  Nothing about helicopters or wood-carving.  I refer, of course - obviously! - to the higher plane of human existence, waaaaaay beyond these mortal things, and to the literary heritage of the Commonwealth.

     I should point out that this is the BRITISH Commonwealth, because a certain Bloaty Gas Tout has been putting it about that his ex-satrapies really, really want to return to his clutch.  Ummmmm no.  

     These are important literary works created in the Commonwealth in the years below.

1982-1991

 

Schindler’s Ark - Thomas Keneally (1982, Australia)

Beka Lamb - Zee Edgell (1982, Belize)

The Bone People - Keri Hulme (1984, New Zealand)

The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood (1985, Canada)

Summer Lightning - Olive Senior (1986, Jamaica)

The Whale Rider - Witi Ihimaera (1987, New Zealand)

The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro (1989, England)

Omeros - Derek Walcott (1990, Saint Lucia)

The Adoption Papers - Jackie Kay (1991, Scotland)

Cloudstreet - Tim Winton (1991, Australia)

     Your Humble Scribe has seen the film of 'Schindler's Ark' not the novel, which, given that it was a gigantic buzz-kill, is not an experience to repeat.    I have heard of "The Bone People" yet know nothing of it.  "The Handmaid's Tale" seems to have been made into a television series of stunning dullness and boredom, where nothing happens and it happens verrrrrry slowly.  And isn't "The Remains Of The Day" a film as well?  One of those very very British films where nothing happens, and it happens excruciatingly slowly, and then everyone dies, the end.  Art!

Emma Thompson cradling her pocket nuclear weapon

"To Love And Be Wise" By Josephine Tey

Your Humble Scribe has now started on this murder-mystery (except is it?) from the stylish and creative lady who knocked Agatha into a cocked hat.  Since this one was published in 1950 Conrad anticipates less impenetrable slang than in previous summaries.  We shall see.  There's already been 'Pied-a-tierre"

     Yeah yeah yeah, what do you know, matey?

Moving Swiftly Onwards -

Let us now attach another segment of "The Sea Of Sand", because I want to get this over and done with so I can go back to watch Season One of "Uncle Brian's Victorian Brass Faucet Collection" which you might know better as TSOS.

‘How can you be here, now,  then!’ blurted Sarah

‘Likewise Professor Templeman,’ added the Doctor.

Roger gave a peculiar half-smile.

‘Remember those Italians in Egypt?  Well, they got arrested too. After a few months we got exchanged for them in Geneva under the care of the Red Cross, which didn’t go down well with a few of them.’

Predictably, Sarah rose to the conversational bait.

‘Why not!  Don’t say they didn’t want to go home!’

Roger looked at her coolly.

‘Miss Smith, I happen to have known Grigorio Baltasar for many years.  He lived in Cairo.  He stayed there because he hated Mussolini.  He spoke better English than most of my soldiers.  He wore a Military Medal given to him by General Plumer for his conduct in fighting the Germans in the Great War.  He, for one, did not want to go back to Italy!’

This is historically correct.  When the Allies were ashore in Italy, they eventually had 200,000 Italian volunteers all willing to fight against Ill Duck*, known as the 'Co-Belligerent Forces' and they over-turned the 'Italian rifle for sale never fired dropped once' drivel that annoys Conrad so.  If you motivated an Italian conscript he became dangerous.

Finally -

Just a word or two of warning.  Your Humble Scribe is due to pound a keyboard in the Dark Tower tomorrow, rather than at home, since we are going to be involved in a farewell ceremony for our colleagues in Ask HR.  These are the people who deal with issues of policy and process and procedure, instead of the far more restricted A-B-C Into The Database of Conrad's team.  They are also the folks who deal with technical issues as a first step, before said issue gets elevated to their Systems team, who can further escalate to the Systems Systems team, whom can escalate to the 'Off-shore' technical team, who can then petition Isaac Asimov in Heaven to resolve issues - I might be a bit hazy on that last.

     So, you may get a post tomorrow, or you may not.  Art!

We're on the floor below the lights under "ARNDALE CENTRE"

*  I know, I know, that's not how his appellation was spelled.  Sue me.