Man Versus Myth

I Couldn't Possibly Miss This One

Conrad was idly scrolling through various random feeds on Youtube when he came across one by Tom Scott, an enterprising and globetrotting chap from This Sceptred Isle, who posed the question - Art!

     This question is one that derives from "Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons" because, as Tom mentions, the iconic Spectrum Pursuit Vehicle is driven whilst facing backwards via a monitor screen.  As he further points out, there is absolutely no reason to have this design feature, even if it does arguably make it a little safer should you crash into something head on.  Art!

     Frankly, if you crash this 8 ton bruiser into anything less than a main battle tank, the other party is going to come out of it worse, and since these vehicles frequently encounter enemies with guns, missiles, laser and bombs, a head-on collision is probably the least of your worries*.

     Enter Sparkmate.  They build things if you pay them and were looking for a bit of a challenge and some publicity, so they asked Tom if he had anything in mind, and of course he reverted to a small child and explained about the SPV.  They couldn't afford to build him an SPV (you're talking millions there, mate) but they did design a go-kart for him.  Art - the kart!

     At first they used an X-Box controller for steering, a poor choice as Tom hasn't used one in years.  They swapped it out for a steering wheel, and here he is, facing backwards and driving via a monitor screen.  Art!

     After his practice session round the car park, it was off to the track to do an extended drive.  In the dark.  What could possibly go wrong?  Art!

     Well, nothing actually.  No crashes or collisions.  Tom had found it very counter-intuitive on his test drive, because you have to turn right to go left and vice versa, yet out on the track with his practice behind him, he got it all right.  One of the CSATM scenes has a character allowing Captain Blue access to an SPV, commenting "It must be tricky driving backwards by a television monitor" to which Ol' Aqua replies "You get used to it."  Tom proved you can, hence the 'myth' part of today's title.  Not sure what happens when you transition back to normal vehicles, mind.

Bring On "The Red King And The Witch"

Yes, enough of heavy metal machinery, let's have a bit of fantasy here.

And he went to the Wind. 'I am going home to my father, I will not stay longer.'

'Go not, for your father is dead, and brothers you have no more left at home. A million years. have come and gone since then. The spot is not known where your father's palace stood. They have planted melons on it; it is but an hour since I passed that way.'

But the lad departed thence, and arrived at the maiden's whose was the palace of copper. Only one stick remained, and she cut it and grew old. As he knocked at the door, the stick fell and she died. He buried her, and departed thence. And he came to the queen of the birds in the great forest. Only one branch remained, and that was all but through.

When she saw him she said, 'Peterkin, thou art quite young.'

Then he said to her, 'Dost thou remember telling me to tarry here?'

As she pressed and broke through the branch, she, too, fell and died.

He came where his father's palace stood and looked about him. There was no palace, no anything. And he fell to marvelling: 'God, Thou art mighty!' He only recognised his father's well, and went to it. His sister, the witch, when she saw him, said to him, 'I have waited long for you, dog.' She rushed at him to devour him, but he made the sign of the cross and she perished.

And he departed thence, and came on an old man with his beard down to his belt. 'Father, where is the palace of the Red King? I am his son.'

'What is this,' said the old man, 'thou tellest me, that thou art his son? My father's father has told me of the Red King. His very city is no more. Dost thou not see it is vanished? And dost thou tell me that thou art the Red King's son?'

'It is not twenty years, old man, since I departed from my father, and dost thou tell me that thou knowest not my father?' (It was a million years since he had left his home.) 'Follow me if thou dost not believe me.'

     Clearly something's amiss here, because in the previous passage it tells how Peterkin dwelt with The Wind for a hundred years, on top of the sixteen years he went frolicking across the landscape, and whatever happened to his talking horse?  How come it's suddenly 'a million years'?  Conrad suspects that they just threw this number in here to suggest A Very Long Time.  The two ladies who VERY CONVENIENTLY grew old and died just as he turned up clearly did not bother to keep their forests sustainably alive, either, because they could have extended their time on this mortal coil immeasurably.  And yet his sister the witch is still alive after a million years?  And retains all her mental faculties rather than being afflicted with Parkinson's?  And - she's not much of a villain, is she, if making the sign of the cross is instantly fatal to her. Art!

     I'm pretty sure I'm not over-thinking this one, not today.

"The Sea Of Sand"

As you should surely remember, we left The Doctor at the archaeological dig at Makkan Al-Jinni, making introductions to the three diggers there.

The Professor seemed not to know or care that there was a war on in North West Africa, except where it inconvenienced him.  “Not worldly” was a mild understatement.

Very well, play to the Professor’s strengths, then.

‘I am intrigued by your excavations, Professor.  A huge site, hundreds of miles from civilisation, completely covered by sand, which you have managed to uncover – almost single-handed.’

‘Oh!  Oh, really!  Thank you!’ gushed the Professor immediately, leading the Doctor to condemn himself for exploiting such an obvious weakness.  ‘It wasn’t easy.  After being interned and getting back, I had to appeal to that repellent Dobie for site labour, and he only allowed soldiers to work here when they had nothing else to do.’

A sympathetic nod and tut emerged from the Doctor, who managed to simultaneously dart a knowing sideways look at Albert and Borguebus.  Neither of them looked persuaded by his juggling the situation.

‘And the architecture of your site – remarkable!’ continued the Doctor.  ‘Refined.  Utilitarian.  Positively primordial.  Truly a missing entry in the Mediterranean’s library of cultures.’

Albert and Borguebus swapped glances.  Professor Templeman looked around the site, nodding in silent agreement.

‘How accurately you state the case.  How accurately – oh, I beg my pardon, I didn’t ask your name.  “Doctor John Smith”.  Thank you.’

Mersa Matruh, role model for Mersa Mertuba

What A Lot Of Text!

Time to balance that with pictographica.  Bring on "The War Illustrated"!

     By the map you may have guessed that the Allies had invaded Sicily, and you'd be guessing correctly.  There were landings in the west (South Canadian) and east (British & Commonwealth), and the Italian defenders pretty much chucked it in straight away, leaving the Teutons to try and fight a delaying action and ship as much kit as possible over to the mainland.

Delicious, Calorie-free Schadenfreude

We are dabbling our misshapen toes in the waters of Politics here, for which I don't apologise.  Because I'm horrid like that.

     ANYWAY if you don't keep up with South Canadian politicking you may have been unaware of 'Cyber Ninjas', a firm who were hired to re-count the Arizona 2020 ballot, for the fourth time.  They had absolutely no experience or qualifications in ballot auditing, and it showed.  They over-ran, and ended up saying they hadn't found any fraud.  After FIVE months.  Not only that, they got the Arizona ballot machines infected with malware.  It cost the state millions.  Art!

     One of their number posted online about her fears of 'Fire-throwing clowns' threatening the audit, because it was next to a circus.  Honest, I'm not making this up.

     Another thing they failed to do was file transparency paperwork, despite being ordered to do so by a judge.  They have been fined £25,000 per day every day for something like 3 months now, and owe millions with the paperwork still not filed.

     Hmmmm consequences consequences.  At least seven groups of electoral reformers, ballot machine owners and others have now filed a civil complaint against the group and it's CEO, to ensure they never get another contract from the state of Arizona.  It will definitely take months to go anywhere but I shall keep my eyes peeled on your behalf.  Art!

"What's all this black squiggly stuff?"

Finally -

We are welllll over count, so that's that.

*  "Spectrum aren't real," bleat some of the audience.  Yeah right, you try asserting that after being detained in a cell thirty-six straight hours for being an illegal alien.