Consequences

There Are Always Consequences

No!  I am not talking about the concept-album by Godley and Creme, which I believe has a narration by Paul Gambacini (who used to dep for John Peel occasionally when Sir John was either on holiday or dealing with a local flood) and who claimed not to have been paid anything for it. Art!

     I remember hearing it back in the day.  In fact I think the album was a vehicle for demonstrating the Gizmotron, which Godley and Creme had invented between them.  Let me just awaken Art with this electric toasting-fork -

     Don't ask me for a technical breakdown of what it did.  I think it did <imagine complicated musical term here> to guitar strings, and because it's construction was so cheap and nasty there aren't many left.  Perhaps the Apparat Organ Quartet would be interested?

     ANYWAY you don't need to worry about Conrad putting up a weird screed from a Romanian gypsy folk tale today, I've decided to have a bit of a rest.

     No, today I wanted to touch on Current Affairs NO THIS IS NOT ABOUT UKRAINE SIT BACK DOWN! and a repellent South Canadian known as Alex Jones.  Art!  O stop whining a put Sudocrem on it.

Shouty man is shouty

     This bottomhole peddles tat to those who listen to his radio show, which is where he used to make his money, until Youtube kicked him off the platform for being a horrible human being.  He will broadcast any twaddle if he thinks he can make $$$ from it, even if it completely contradicts what he said the day before.  

     Then we come to Sandy Hook and the school massacre there.  You may want to sit down for this bit.  AJ broadcast that the whole ghastly thing - which I am NOT going into here - was a hoax rigged up by Them in order to achieve gun control.  He claimed the parents were actors and their dead children were fakes, and again because the people who listen to him are light on intellect, common sense and logic, they all bought into the lies.  The parents were a lot more patient than Conrad would have been; the phrase 'beaten senseless with a baseball bat wreathed in barbed-wire" springs to mind.  They endured years of harassment and acrimony -

     Then they took legal action versus the Human Bottomhole himself.

     Suddenly AJ stops pandering lies and 

     TOO LATE!  He has just been found guilty of defamation.  Art!

"A Scanner Darkly" where he gets Tazered and hauled off.

     Prior to this he'd been trying to hide his assets and is now declaring himself bankrupt, which a rookie attorney fresh out of law school should be able to disprove.   He is looking at fines not merely in the millions but tens of millions - $150 million has been mentioned - which will very likely break him financially.  And on that day Your Humble Scribe will be raising a glass of gin in salute.

     It might even give pause to his fellow bottomhole conspiranoid loonwaffles*.

     <currently grooving to "Ready To Start" by Arcade Fire, what a track!>

Another Short One

Conrad positively delights in re-using old photographs because it makes him feel clever and getting on over on the audience.  Art!

     It had a nice light citrus taste to it.  And now we're all better informed.

     Yes, that's it.  I did warn you about 'short'.

Back To 1943

And the next edition of "The War Illustrated".  I hope you don't mind these pictorial extracts, because I've got two years worth of magazines to get through.  If you don't like them just grit your teeth and be brave.  Art!

     These are Italian POWs, who seem mostly delighted with being POW, as it means they don't have to risk life and limb in the service of Il Duce.  Make no mistake, the Italians could fight if they felt like it, it's just that very few bought into the idea of Death For Duce.  Next!

Ignore thumb to port

     This shows the Straits of Messina, where the Allied navies and air forces managed to not intercept or intercede with the Teuton withdrawal from Sicily, which the magazine - unsurprisingly - does not mention.

"In The Dark"

And another picture from the BBC's themed assembly of same.  As usual Conrad has no idea what's up on display, so let us examine together.  Art!

Courtesy Louise Dixon

     Hmmmmmmm.  Yes, I see what you did there.  And in a few minutes the dark will be in you, nicht wahr?

In Quite The Opposite Direction

Yes, we are back to another extract from "The Sea Of Sand" and this ought to satisfy those of you who were complaining that Conrad hadn't got enough aliens present.

‘Line up, line up, you bludgers,’ bawled one of the J force non-coms at the prisoners, in a fierce Australian accent.  Sarah went down the line, issuing a mess tin and cup to each prisoner, giving them a nod and smile.  Some smiled back.  Then she stood at the head of the line, ladling out a serving of stew, a slice of bread and pouring a cup of water for each man.

          Captain Dobie had been quite happy to let her help J Force, since it meant one less of his men involved with the new arrivals.  Sarah could read the disdain on his face like a newspaper headline.

          ‘Grazie,’ muttered the battered Italian soldier in front of her, taking his stew and dropping his bread into it.

          ‘Mille grazie, signora,’ said the next one, bowing a little.  None of them looked dangerous, or hostile, or anything except fed-up.  When they had all been fed the fierce-sounding Australian, who sported a sinister scar on his left cheek, belied his appearance by passing round cigarettes amongst the prisoners.

          ‘Keeps them happy,’ he said to Sarah, leaning against one of the vehicles, tipping his helmet forward to keep the sun out of his eyes.

          Her journalistic instinct kicked in and Sarah took the opportunity to offer stew and bread to the soldier.

          ‘Boffo!  Ta, miss.’  Silence fell for several seconds whilst the man methodically devoured the food.

          ‘So, what is this “J Force” you’re part of?’ she prompted, when he was lighting another cigarette.

          ‘Bright idea Captain Jolyon had, miss, him being in the REME.  Between him and Sergeant McSween they got hold of a ton of sha – er, disabled MT.  “Motor Transport” - trucks, to you, miss.  Then they scrounged all the kit they could muster and Captain Jolyon took the whole lot to General Wavell.  Got approval for a light raiding force, which is what we are.  Swan about behind Eyetie lines and cause them trouble, that’s us.’

          ‘What about the Germans?’ asked Sarah, wondering where they had gotten to.  Her uncles had been pretty insistent about “Jerries”.

          The Australian shrugged.

          ‘They’re only just ashore in Tripoli, miss.  We’ll give ‘em one up the – er, we’ll sort ‘em out as well, if they get this far.’

     Enemy aliens?  Come back tomorrow for real aliens from outer space!

Finally -

Hmmmmm the consequence of accepting all those compilation CDs off Andrew years ago is that every so often a track that's definitely sub-par crops up on the playlist, and I've no idea before it plays whether it's any good or not.  Let me cut this one short by six minutes and move on to - Nirvana!

     (The band not the state of being)

*  A big ask.  Not getting my hopes up.