The Burning Barn

 DON'T WORRY THE COWS ARE SAFE!

I thought I'd get that reassurance in first.  You know the British are a nation of animal-lovers, as am I - mutton, beef, pork - and we need to get off on the right foot.  Or hoof.

    ANYWAY Your Humble Scribe has, over the past few months, done a bit of etymological equivalency  (not a phrase you ever imagined seeing today) in finding the roots of various words that sound very similar.  And, thanks to those constant undercurrents in the septic swamp of my mind (diligently monitored by Steve; thanks, Steve), another pair of words popped up not thirty minutes ago.  Art!

AstronautS!  On the Moon!  WITH GUNS!!

     Sorry, that has nothing to do with anything else on here, it's a television show I'd not heard about before and am unlikely to see, given that it's on another streaming service and we subscribe to seventeen already.  Set in an alternate universe where the Sinisters got to the Moon first - 

     I put that up because a barn is a pretty dull subject.  Art?

"BYRE": Is what you see here, a glorified shed for cows.  Shed, cows; cows, shed.  Equally charmed.  From where does the word originate?  I thought you'd never ask.  The Old English "Bur", meaning 'cottage', actually.

"PYRE": As in "a funeral pyre", which is what Jim Morrison sang about.  Broadly, a stack of wood intended to be set alight, and more specifically a stack of wood atop of which was a dead person, waiting to be consumed by the flames.  One heck of a way to determine if they were joking or not.  Art!

Definitely going to be some smoke on the water here

     And from whence does this word come?  All the way back to the Greeks (of course, nine times out of ten it's the Greeks, when it's not them it's the Romans) and their word "Pur" meaning "Fire".  One wonders what they made of happy cats.

Martin Zero: Braving It So You Don't Have To

I've metioned Martin a couple of times already, him being a species of 'Urban explorer' or, as Conrad likes to style it, Industrial Archaeologist (sorry, more Greek).  He has nosied extensively into the recent past of Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell, and posted videos of same on Youtube.  Earlier this year he ventured into strange foreign lands (Yorkshire) to explore the underground architecture of Sheffield, in search of what locals call "Megatron".

No, Art.  Just - no.

     A perfectly understandable reaction and one I shall not deem worthy of replying to with the electric pitch-fork.  For the following screen-shots please add in from your imagination the smell (which would be rank), the cold, the filth and the HORRIBLE CLAUSTROPHOBIA*.  Thank you.  Art!

     Their journey begins along the Porterbrook and whilst it's not raining now, it seems there has been precipitation recently, because this stream is pretty full.  Also fast, and slippery, and I bet it doesn't smell of lavender and roses.  Next!

NOPE

     That central channel is both deep and fast, sufficiently so to sweep a person off their feet, so our intrepid trio continue on the sides, and Martin is happy that he brought his stick.  Actually an extendable baton.  Art!

MORE NOPE

     Here you can see how constricted the Porterbrook gets.  Martin, OF COURSE, goes on about the ancient brickwork rather than how close he is to being both drowned and swept out to sea.  Art!

STILL MORE NOPE

     This is the confluence of the Porterbrook with the River Sheaf - from which the noble and mighty city of Sheffield gets it's name - and it looks especially dangerous with different currents at different angles.  All underground.  In the dark.  The cold, smelly, wet, dirty dark.  NOPE.  

Behole the Megatron!

     No, I don't know why they call it that.  Remember, this is Sheffield, where they ritually sacrifice the hundred cleverest people every year and have done for centuries may have their own reasons.  Art!

ART!

     Excuse me, I'll break out the electric pitchfork later.  Let's try again, shall we?

     This enormous arch was apparently built to allow trams to cross the river in safety, whilst still permitting the Sheaf to empty into the Don, which flows home to the sea.**
     All Conrad can say is very well done Martin, especially as he had to repeat the journey in reverse to get out of Sheffield's subterranean riverine systems.  Much, much rather you than I.

"D-Day Through German Eyes" By Jonathan Trigg

You should know Conrad by now, no sense of moderation or abstinence, so I am now half-way through this work, and it hasn't been the Wehraboo-fest that I originally feared, Max Hastings to the despite.  In fact Max probably sticks pins in a wax effigy of Jon, whilst channelling Goebbels.

     ANYWAY Jon actually underlines the criticisms of Nazi Germany to be found in works like James Holland's "Normandy '44" or "Monty's Men" by Professor John Buckley.  Namely, that the Teutons were trying to fight steel with flesh, believing that political activism and bravery was easily able to shrug off a salvo of rockets from a Typhoon.   Hmmm no.

     The background on the Luftwaffe's woefully inadequate response on and after 06/06/1944 is also illuminating, showing that the Teutons had totally and completely misunderstood how modern war was waged; by utilising industrial capacity and rational planning, rather than wonky racist ideology.

Finally -

Conrad is uncertain if there have been any polls that ask fervid female fans of sci-fi what colour of skin they find alluring in male alien humanoids.  The converse is not true; as mentioned a couple of times already, men love love love them some green-skinned alien exotic beauties.  We have seen this in pulp magazine covers from the Thirties onwards, and also in more recent televisual and cinematic entertainment.  Art!

From "Starry Trex"***

     And more recently -

Welllll helllllllo

     What is it about women (kind of) who are probably able to photosynthesize?

*  There was a bat for sure, and doubtless lots of spiders

**  Mikhail Sholokov reference for you there.

***  I could be wrong.  It's been a while.

Tyranny And Mutation

One Hundred Brownie Points If You Got The Reference

Still pursuing the heavy metal theme we've had of late, today's title is in fact the title of Blue Oyster Cult's second album, which is reason enough for us to bring in a picture of same.  Art!

     The reason I bring this up is because I came across a website that goes into the background of BOC's earlier album's artwork.  You must admit, that above is quite striking and stylish, certainly more enigmatic and intriguing that having a picture of the band or "BOC 2".  The artist in question was one Bill Gawlick, an ex-architectual student who had studied art at the same time and place as Sandy Pearlman and Murray Krugman, two of the producer-cum-manager-cum-songwriters behind BOC.  He was also responsible for the first album's artwork - Art!

     And he is also credited with creating their impressive symbol, which if I recall correctly, also has to do with Kronos.  There is very little to say further about Mister Gawlick, because he vanished from the world after doing those two album covers.  So, he might be reading these words at this very second.  Then we have "Secret Treaties", with it's evocative pencil sketching -

     Featuring a Me262 fighter jet sporting the BOC logo, which OF COURSE got them some flak because Nazis, I didn't realise that there was a colour variation of this, done as a test.  Art!

Artwork by Rob Lesser

     I definitely prefer the monochrome version.  It hints at a story but lets you fill the details in yourself.  Then there was the introduction of their band name as a metallic icon itself, on the cover of "On Your Feet Or On Your Knees". Art!

     Also known as "How To Take A Photo That Makes A Church Look Sinister", thank you John Berg.  Don't book him for your wedding shoot.  The logo was created by one Gerard Huerta, and it does look very metal.  Their next album was the one that really got them into the mainstream, "Agents Of Fortune" and their hit single "Don't Fear The Reaper".  Art!

Gatefold for full effect.

     Yes yes yes, they avoided the metallic logo, sue them, don't complain to me.  This one was painted by one Lynn Curlee, and yes, those are Tarot cards.  Death, The King, The Queen and The Jester, since you ask.  The band had seen an exhibition of his work and offered him the gig, which he took.  Next we have "Spectres", with a photograph again, except not as you would expect.  Art!

     And the back cover, too, please.

     Lots of lasers in use here, including Eric Bloom's INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS wrist laser.  They had to ditch these lasers in their stage show as they were INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS and, when H&S got to know about them, would never have been approved for public use.  Design and photography courtesy Roni Hoffman and Eric Meola.  Again, not recommended for your wedding portfolio.

     Well, that puts us at around the half-way mark, so I think we can leave any more BOC cover artwork on the back boiler until tomorrow.  Motley!  Crank up the dry ice machine, I've gotten a couple of laser spotters here.

The Sound Of Silence

No!  Nothing to do with music, really, you lot have a one-track mind.  I bet you take turns sharing it.  

     ANYWAY I refer to an employment opportunity that embodies the above, as seen on that font of all that's fit to be writ, the BBC.  Art!

Isle Martin

      The job is that of caretaker, looking after three houses that are normally  unoccupied, ensuring visitors stay Covid-compliant and cleaning the toilets.  If interested you also need to be able to handle a small boat, as that's the only way onto and off Isle Martin.  O and there's no hot water.  Or electricity.  Or internet.  Lots of seabirds, though WHICH YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO EAT before you ask.  So the one thing you will be surrounded by is silence, until the guests arrive.  Sounds great!

Rush-hour has arrived

Success!

Conrad has managed to fob off three books to Darling Daughter and Tom Terrific; "Up To Date Confectionery", "The Oxford Dictionary Of English Placenames" and a Penguin volume of Heath Robinson artwork, which was water-damaged.  Art!

The grateful pair, beers in hand

     Neither had heard of Ol' Heathy, so I explained and mentioned Rube Goldberg, which seemed to do the trick.  DD, being an arts graduate, was especially interested in Heath's iconic pulleys and knotted string.  There was a long written introduction which Your Humble Scribe skipped, so I am unsure exactly what period the drawings cover, although I think I can guess at these two following:

     The bottom one was defined as "An American invention for drawing forth the occupants of enemy foxholes", and given the 'lemon-squeezer' hats Conrad is guessing from April of 1917 onwards, when the South Canadians joined in the First Unpleasantness.  Poor Ol' Heathy was typecast as a man who drew inventions like this, when he would have liked to branch out into more artistic illustrations - you know the sort of thing, inside-every-clown-is-a-Hamlet.  How many Shakespearean actors want to become stand-ups?

"Colossus: The Forbin Project"

Conrad was watching a Youtube channel new to his eyes - "Terry Talks Movies" and he mentioned the film above, playing a couple of clips from it.  The central premise is that an enormous AI is constructed with complete control of the South Canadian ICBM arsenal, under the oversight of Professor Forbin.  It is built inside the Rocky Mountains, with all sorts of terminal defences.  Art!

     There is indeed another system, a Sinister one that Colossus demands it be connected to.  Within minutes their exchange of information is so rapid that it passes human comprehension, so - they pull the plug.

     Colossus hasn't gone mad; quite the contrary.  It is seeking to impose peace OR ELSE, just going beyond what was originally intended.  Art!

Exterior view

     It's not invulnerable, either.  If you put a cruise missile right on top of it, wait for the dust to settle and put another one into the resulting crater, you'll crack Colossus wide open.  That would still leave the Ruffian version, I allow you.

     The film has a rather bleak ending, which I won't spoil for you.  It's adapted from the first novel in a trilogy but never had a sequel.  I wonder ...

     And with that we are truly well and done.  Done!

Woo Hoo!

That Time Has Rolled Around Again

Sunday, and what's even better is that tomorrow is a Bank Holiday, so I get what's effectively a weekend despite working Saturday, win-win!  The weather today has been fantastic, too, so it must be one of our fourteen days of summer that are scattered at random over three months.  Okay, now to add our usual clickbaity picture, just allow me to poke Art with this electrified pitch-fork -

     Hmmmm.  Allow me to observe that, if you need a helmet to survive, it is probably HUGELY UNWISE to have your legs out in the open.  You could argue about the utility of wearing skin-tight clothing, because then there aren't any loose flaps to catch and tear; a discussion we shall leave for the couturiers amongst you.

     What's that? O, the pitch-fork?  Don't worry, it's properly insulated and I'm not at any risk in using it.  Let's get this small domesticated wolf and under-sized horse show on the metalled tarmac with added paint signage!

2020

https://comsatangel2002.blogspot.com/2020/05/we-have-theme.html

2019

https://comsatangel2002.blogspot.com/2019/05/it-moves-on-hooves.html

2018

https://comsatangel2002.blogspot.com/2018/05/doing-ton.html

2017

https://comsatangel2002.blogspot.com/2017/05/wordsmithing.html

2016

https://comsatangel2002.blogspot.com/2016/05/twice-on-monday.html

2015

https://comsatangel2002.blogspot.com/2015/05/vladimir-putin-allergic-to-gluten.html

2014

https://comsatangel2002.blogspot.com/2014/05/chocolate-cheesecake-muffins.html

There's A Quote That Fits This

Let Me Elaborate

(You know I will anyway)  Okay, pilgrims, cast your mind back to 1985, when Conrad was younger yet still as handsome*.  There was a nifty little thriller that came out called "Warning Sign", which we will use a Polish film poster to illustrate -

     - because all Polish film posters are frightening.  No, it's not about a cereal killer; rather, it's about an outbreak of a rage-inducing virus in a research laboratory, and the struggles of the un-infected to both remain uninfected and alive.  Because their colleagues are raving homicidal maniacs, is why.  Art!

Garish and inaccurate

     It's well worth watching, and it scores 6.1 over on IMDB, so the bit I refer to is a quote from one of the head researchers, who is in televisual communication with an uninfected security guard: "I feel rage, Joanie, BEAUTIFUL RAGE!"  They even address the elephant in the room that "28 Days Later" ignored and have some of the infected attacking each other.

The speaker, before he went ga-ga

     Because that, gentle reader, is where we find Your Humble Scribe today, for I have made a list of all the boundary-breaching words in the most recent couple of Codewords I solved NO THANKS TO THE COMPILERS and there's the rage again.  Let us kick off with the first one.

"SALSAS": That is, the plural of 'salsa'.  What a swine of a word this one was!  And how often do you find it in everyday use?  Never!  It's O so simple to look at once you've solved it but disconcertingly difficult to figure out.

"TOFU": Technically, unfermented soya-bean curd.  Another foreign food word, and, again, short and simple unless you're trying to solve it as part of a Codeword, in which case it becomes bafflingly hard.  Art!

Tofu 'n' salsa

     Since the word is in my Collins Concise Your Humble Scribe has no room to carp EXCEPT I AM GOING TO.

"ACQUIESCE": O come on!  Three different vowels next to each other?  In a word you will only find in solicitor's accounts of a internecinety**?  

Nod "Yes" to acquiesce

"CYAN": Or, to be exact, a blue-green colour.  It derives from the Greek 'kuanos' meaning 'dark blue'.  Like Tofu, short and simple once you've solved it BUT B***** DIFFICULT UNTIL THEN I CAN TELL YOU.  I'd like to imagine, at this point, the Codeword compiler's lips turning a delicate shade of cyan as my fingers

"EFT": Is this a proper word at all?  Conrad had to check he'd got the letters and numbers correct, and he had.  My Collins states that it's obsolete dialect for a newt, which sounds hard to credit.  I wonder, because I distinctly remember Bertie Wooster using the word "Eftsoons" in conversation, and am pretty sure it wasn't a conversation with Gussie Finknottle (who is obsessed with newts).  Art!

The eft abounds

"RYES": Another swining plural.  Tell me the last time you ever encountered this word, either written or spoken.  Exactly.  Never.  It really threw me because one assumes a vowel after a first-letter "R".  Rlly.

     

Yeah.  Whatever.  I hope it burns going down.

     Thank you for reading my little screed, which has probably enhanced your vocabulary and has definitely been good for me, even if I need to replace the "E" key on the keyboard from hitting it so hard.  Cathartic!

Speaking Of Which ...

Last night the family got together and watched "Army Of The Dead", which is an entertaining blast of a big-budget zombie thriller that doesn't take itself too seriously.  Conrad immediately nailed Omari Hardwick's character as the team's intellectual because he used the word "Cathartic", and I was right as he quotes Joseph Campbell at the end.  It comes from the Greek 'Kathairein', meaning "To purge".  Art!

Do. Not. Mess. With.

     There's some interesting cover versions on the soundtrack, including "The End" which is definitely not by The Doors.  Who is it?  <pause for check> aha The Raveonettes.  Never heard of them.  Anyway I may watch it again to suss out the beginning, and to find out how a zombie horde manages to down an A-10 Warthog with - angry stares?

Dog In A Manger Don't Be A Stranger

Conrad has pondered occasionally - what else is there to do at a bus-stop? - about that old saying about a dog in a manger full of straw.  Or hay.  Dried grassy material anyway.  The implication is that the dog cannot eat the straw (or hay) but that, by lying on it, no horse (or any other straw- or hay-eating animal) can eat it either.  Art - Exhibit One!

     Yes yes yes, I know it's a woollen sweater, the principle's the same.  The dog is in the manger because the straw (or hay) is COMFY.  Certainly a lot more comfortable than a cold hard barn floor.  And he's not going to let Dobbin (or Daisy or whatever they nickname donkeys) consume his comfortable bed.

Thank You.  But No Thanks.

Conrad is aware that social media's tracking algorithms can result in strange adverts cropping up in streams or threads, as Professor Gary Sheffield has been complaining of late.  At one time Conrad was baffled by adverts that loudly and proudly proclaimed the efficacy of 'Log Counting Software', as well as only the best and finest 'Portable Lumber Mills'.  Conrad possesses exactly one tree, which has been allowed to grow these twenty-two years.  Art - Exhibit Two!

     You may indeed make the words "What on earth?" with your mouth.  As far as I can make out - because Your Humble Scribe most certainly didn't click on the "buy now" option - this is an automated door to the chicken coop, allowing the chickens to egress.  So - pitched at chicken farmers who hate having to get up early in the morning?  Fine.  Why am I being targeted?

Finally -

Okay, I finished "Heart-Shaped Box" earlier this morning, which is why the blog is a little later than it ought to be.  I shan't spoil the ending, except to say that it was far happier than I expected it to be.  I am now off to Royton to get my Fitbit steps up and if I'm not too late there may still be some papers left.  Gotta get my daily dose of Codeword in.

*  If not quite as sinister <the horrid truth courtesy Mister Hand!>

**  A fight.  This is a word I made up so it's now real and proper.

This Lethal Pun's A Weighty One

Yes!  We Are Back With Heavy Metal!

<does the fingers-thing, hurts self, cries briefly> Before we start with the main event, allow me to divert into an Aside almost straight away.  

     The first time I heard any reference to HM was before I got into music at all, and was mentioned in an After Action Report in the book "Battle" by Charles Grant.  Art!

Wargaming: a valuable tool for all apprentice world dictators

     Charles had been playing a small Eastern Front battle, of mid-Second Unpleasantness dateline (which is important for the treadheads), where the Teuton panzers had been very badly handled by the Sinisters.  Plainly, the Panzer Mk. IV was completely outclassed by T34s mounting the 85 mm gun; Chas declared that the Teuton player's best option was falling back and allowing "heavier metal" to take on the Sinisters.

Much, much heavier than this.

     Okay, back to music so loud it makes your ears bleed.  There is a particular play on words that was embodied in an album a good forty years ago, which, if Art can stop putting salve on his electrocution burns -

     Of course - obviously! - this is a play on 'Kilowatts' which, to the casual listener, sounds very similar.  If you can read the list of band titles on the cover, you can see heavy metal bands that were big at the time.  Some not so much nowadays.  Frank Marino and Mahogany Rush?   You may be forgiven for never having heard of them.  British American, don't you know, didn't like to be too pushy about promoting themselves, probably.

     

     Not to be confused with Overend Watts, the bass player from Mott The Hoople.  Who were the definition of Glam Rock, thus moving us along from music so loud it gives you concussion.

Conrad Is, Of Course, FEROCIOUSLY ANGRY

Even angrier than the usual, going far beyond Frothing Nitric Ire and into Fluoroantimonic Raging Apoplexy*.  This is where we almost touch base with the Intro, because - yes yes yes, this is all about Codewords - O let's just get on with it, hmmmm?

"KILOVOLTS": 'KILLER VOLTS"?  If I get my hands on those compilers there will be a whole lot of gory slaughter and no mistake - hang on - "SANGUINE" slaughter and no mistake.  See?  Two can play at being obscure.

"SPRYLY": This one threw me for ages, because "Y" was 14, which came directly beneath the letter "R" and I tried to make it fit as a vowel, which simply did not work.  After all, who expects a six-letter word that has NO vowels?  Not I, for one.  Conrad was, in fact, the very opposite of spry.

If it was on it's side it would be Spry lie, which is close enough

"DYSTROPHY": YOU FREAKIN' WHAT!  How many 9-letter words do you know with only one vowel?  Well, now you know one more.  This term means a disease or disorder of the body that results in the atrophy or wasting of tissues.  WHAT ARE WE SUDDENLY DOCTORS NOW?!

     I have more but will abstain from any further vocabulary venting since all this cannot be good for my blood pressure.

"Heart-Shaped Box" By Joe Hill

Your Humble Scribe began reading this horror novel earlier today and it's a right rollicking read, I'm up to page 200 now.  The central protagonist is Jude Coyne, an aging heavy-metal rocker suddenly stalked by a vengeful spirit, and at half-way through it's not certain whether or not he'll survive.  Creepy stuff.  Art!

     Joe is actually Joseph Hillstrom King, yes, the offspring of Stephen and Tabitha King, who put his work about with this alias to see if he was good enough to get the gig on his own merit, rather than basking in the shadow of his quite famous dad.  Surprise surprise, it turns out that HSB is actually a track by Nirvana, and we even have a picture Art tracked down before his pain meds kicked in and the hallucinations started.  

Probably less supernatural in nature, too

     Conrad knows well enough to not post spoilers here.  But we'll be coming back to this topic.  O yes indeed!

    Whilst we are on nothing whatsoever to do with tomorrow, be advised that 1) I'm working Saturday and 2) Darling Daughter and Quiet Tom are visiting tomorrow, so this post is all you're going to get.  If you feel cheated, go look at our extensive back-catalogue, composed of only the finest nonsense!

Manx

Not to be confused with "Mancs" who are people from Manchester.  No, I refer, of course - obviously! - to the Manx language as spoken on the Isle of Man, and I only bring this up because Al introduced "We Have Ways" by shouting "Achtung!  Achtung!" in Manx.  Your Humble Scribe cannot remember what it was and am unsure if it will come up on Google Translate.  Let's have a go -

     Aha!  "Cur aggle er!"  apparently, which chimes with what I remember.  Art!

Isle of Man.  Though they tolerate Woman, too.

     The Manx language practically died out by the late Seventies, being a species of Gaelic that had developed from Irish Gaelic, with a high degree of compatibility with Scottish Gaelic.  It has undergone a modest revival since the Nineties and there are about 50 people who use it as their first language, with a couple of thousand who use it with less fluency.

     There you go, we are all better informed than we were five minutes ago.  And you're welcome.

Finally -

I keep getting to this stage of the blog and then only need a short article of a hundred words, so I am reluctant to start anything that requires a large word-count to explore thoroughly because 1,200 words is as much as is fair to inflict upon the world.   At a single sitting.  Art!  Inspire us -

Pushing the boundaries!

     Conrad is not sure exactly what's going on here, except that there's a naked lady on the cover, whose modesty is only assured by that - er - creature's appendages.  Did her clothes all fall off?  Were they stolen?  Does her culture scorn the primitive concept of 'underwear'?  Is she unconscious, drugged, a heavy sleeper or the consumer of a keg of Special Brew?

     Also note that green-skinned women are an automatic aphrodisiac for male Hom. Sap.  We may come back to this, it has legs.

*  Nope.  Not explaining.  Go look it up.