BOOJUM!: The 100 Foot Black Beetle That Swallowed Men Whole

Every Word True

Just not how you were expecting it. After all, giant insects are a staple of both sci-fi and horror films - those giant ants in "Them" (first and probably the best of all the big bug films), that titular giant mantis, the "Black Scorpion", enormous arachnids in "Tarantula", you get the drift. Kindly do not lump cinematic crud like "The Giant Spider Invasion" in here, ta.

Because it is risible

There seems to be a lack of love for ravening bus-sized beetles, however; Your Humble Scribe doesn't remember ever seeing a film that features them. Of course, if we were less literal then the following could be rolled out - Art!

Ho ho. Doubtless you were expecting an image along these lines. Art!

With puny human skull for scale

Well you are WRONG. O SO WRONG.

For we are back on the Official History of the Gallipoli campaign again, this time at the end of July 1915 and shading into August, with the Allies (predominantly the British and Commonwealth) planning another attack on the Ottoman lines. Yes, again. This time there was a secret weapon ready for use. Not some sinister engine of destruction, nor yet tanks (a year too early), nor the Pattern 36 Mills Bomb. No, these were "X Lighters", a variety of light, shallow-bottomed marine transport. Art!

Black and white beetle

These things had actually been around in early 1915, but Admiral Jackie Fisher refused to allow any to go to Gallipoli, because he wanted to use them in the amphibious invasion of Teutonland. They were 100 feet long, weighed 135 tons, and were armoured sufficiently to be bullet and shrapnel-proof, carrying either 40 horses or 400 men, and had a deck that covered whichever cargo was being carried. Their paint scheme was matt black, and the two posts at the bow supposedly gave them a resemblance to beetles. Can't see it myself but I will take anything that allows punnery of any quality. Art!

These things are vastly more suitable for an amphibious assault than the unarmoured rowing boats of the original April landings, and Fisher deserves real censure for his short-sighted slefishness. Bad Fisher! Naughty Fisher! No pistachios for you!

I have not gotten to the actual amphibious assault yet in the OH. However, I confidently predict that, once again, the Allied high command will manage to make a complete bodge of it and snatch defeat from the inner digestive tract of victory.

A Monster Beatle*?

Motley! Break out the Jousting Angle-Grinders and prepare to defend yourself!

Human Reflexes Versus The Speed Of Light

Not really a fair contest, if we're honest. Even if we're dishonest. The speed of light is reckoned as 186,000 miles per second, the fastest thing there is, it can really whiz. Human reflexes? Let us say you exhibit superhuman speed and can react to any outside stimulus in 0.01 seconds. That sounds impressive, non? Nicht wahr, it isn't. In that one-hundredth of a second light would have traversed a distance of 1,860 miles. Art!

I bring this up as an introduction to a rather ghastly industrial accident caused by sheer stupidity, as told on a Youtube Reddit thread. The witness was watching a technician fix an industrial cutting laser, it's safety engaged to prevent any firing. Having fixed the laser, technician then tests that it works BY WAVING HIS HAND IN FRONT OF THE LASER BEAM.

Instant burning of his hand all the way through - remember, this beam is travelling at 1,860 m.p.h. - because this laser will cut through steel as if it was polystyrene, and feeble human flesh is - well, feeble. OP suspected that he lost the entire hand.

CAUTION! Do NOT disengage safety before proceeding into Laser Mesh Killing Zone

Another Artist From "Printed In Blood"'s Palette
<waits for appreciative applause, hears none, sulks. Sulks a lot>.

Today we encounter Dan Brereton, an entirely unknown factor to Conrad. Let me see if we can dig up a little detail on Dan. Okay, so he's an old git, known for his painting style, as he seems to specialise in this rather than working across different styles and media. He's worked on Batman, Superman and his own creation "The Nocturnals". Art!

You can't fight crime in high heels, love.

Every artist who creates their own characters has pious hopes that they'll become successful, because that way all the pennies roll to them, as creators and owners. You'll only get the jobbing rate if you portray characters that someone else holds the rights to. So - "Nocturnals"

Ooops. Made the classic mistake of reading the Wikipedia entry; that's ten minutes I'll not get back. Ol' Dan's artwork has gotten him actual awards and several consequent nominations. Conrad may explore further**.

Missing: One River

Here we need to go back a couple of hundred years, when Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell was in it's industrial infancy, and the River Tib (more a large stream than a proper river) rose at Miles Platting, wended it's way south and ended up emptying into the River Medlock. We may have a picture -

The Tib in Miles Platting

It was covered over in 1820, as having an open river, even a small one, was very inconvenient in a city that was beginning to develop industrially and domestically. This is long before the development of photography, so - no photographs, I'm afraid.

The original outlet into the Medlock

Delineating the exact current course of the Tib is a bit problematic, since it has been diverted at different times and nobody's kept accurate maps. We know where it's subterranean journey comes to and, as it empties into the Medlock. Art!

Very redolent of dark satanic mills

All part of the city's industrial heritage, even if it literally never sees the light of day. There is more hidden beneath Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell and we may come back to this.

Finally -

Yesteryon we discussed the origins of 'Pivot' and 'Divot', and to finish off today we shall look at 'Pitot', because I say so.

Conrad is used to seeing what was described as a 'Pitot' or 'Pitot tube' projecting out of the leading edge of aircraft, it being a small, thin tube. What was it? How did it get to be named? Well, I checked up yesterday and discovered that the name comes from Henri Pitot, who invented it, and it measures some complicated guff that went completely over my head. Art!