Doing The Ton

No!  Nothing To Do With Motor-racing
For I believe the rascals involved describe achieving 100 m.p.h. as "hitting the ton", which would be a significant stretch for the vehicles we are describing today, since they are Sherman tanks that weigh in at 30 tons apiece.  Art?

The terror of the trenches prepares to - no - hang on -

     For yes, we are back amongst the words and wherewithal of "Tank Action" by David Render, and amidst the peculiarly close terrain of the Normandy bocage, made up of enormous hedgerows, trees and Teuton defenders.  Staunch Teuton defenders, for as David describes, they had not yet acquired a fatigue of the soul thanks to being deluged by Allied firepower all day, every day.  Art?

South Canadians at work, though the principle holds true

     Under the command of the very astute Major Semken, David's troop and those others of 'A' company's tanks would brass the living daylights out of opposing hedges and treelines, for up to fifteen minutes.  Any lurking Teuton panzer experiencing this HE barrage would rapidly leave, and their unfortunate immobile infantry would - er - die.  There's no other way to put it.  If the Teuton soldiery dared to fire back, then they would suffer a specific and particular targetting which ladled countless HE shells upon them.
     Here an aside.  I recall some Teuton veterans of the Afrika Korps lamenting about how many HE shells their Perfidious Albion opponents would fling at them, later in the campaign when Perfidious Albion - it's in the name! - had acquired Sherman tanks.  "As many as 35 shells were fired on a position!" squawked the old desert hands.  

"Chickens," replied their European counterparts.

     David discerned a significant reluctance amongst some tank crews under his command to fully commit to Brassing The Living Daylights out of the opposition.  He did wonder at this, until it came to 'bombing-up' his tank.  The Sherman could be loaded with up to a hundred rounds of HE shells, if the crew were canny and experienced, amounting to a literal ton of ammunition - hence today's title.  This is to simplify matters, because every round had to be loaded by hand, in the confines of a tight turret and interior with lots of sharp fittings that poked out everywhere; not only did it take ages, the process inevitably resulted in people getting numerous scrapes and bruises.  Art?

An illustration

     And the Sherman was regarded as comfortable and roomy compared to what Sinister crews had to put up with!
     Time to let the motley loose in a maze it shares with a pack of ravening wolves!

A Little Musical Critique
Normally we like to pick on Simon and Garfunkel but the malicious fun has dwindled somewhat now that they're in a care home, dosed up to the eyeballs on tranquilizers.  So today we shall pick entirely at random on - DJ Tiesto!  And the lyrics for his song "Light Years Away".  Let us begin -

I feel the sky falling down

     Actually, sir, you do not!  The sky is noted for not falling down, because if it did we would be dead thanks to the lack of atmosphere.  Art?

Sky.  Doing a good job of staying up

     Hmmm.  Conrad regards these lyrics with some suspicion.  Carry on!

I'm picking up the pieces

Left on the ground

     Snow?  Are you confusing a collapsing sky with snow?  Or hail?  Because otherwise there'd be nothing to pick up.  Sky being very ethereal and insubstantial and all that.  Even more suspicious.  Go on!

And some days

Are very long

I don't know where I'm meant to belong

     No, no, they only seem like that.  You don't mean that literally, do you?  Because if you do, then I know exactly where you belong: Broadmoor Secure Psychiatric Wing For Musicians Who've Taken Too Many Drugs.

Free food, mind

Boom
There was an interesting photograph in the MEN earlier this week that I have managed to lose, so we shall have to use our imagination, children.  This is the particular piece of pipework in question:

A gun
(But you know that already)

     The caption stated that, in 1916, it took the Italian army 78 days to drag this artillery piece to the top of a mountain, for this is one of the most desolate fronts of the First Unpleasantness where the Italians faced the Austro-Hungarians.  There were no roads or paths or stairs or trenches or shelter of any kind; everything had to be hacked, drilled or blasted out of solid rock.  No nice malleable Flanders mud here!  Only once that had been done could a weapon such as that above have been moved, and because of the restricted terrain at many points, it would have been hauled by manpower, not horsepower.  Hence - 78 days.
     When the Unpleasantness came to an end, this particular engine of injury was too big and bothersome to retrieve (or steal) and was thus left, to be covered by the snows.  And eventually thawed out.