Don't Worry No Rom-Com Involved
For the "Winnie" in this case is an elderly overweight man and "Nellie" was an enormous mechanical contrivance, as we are referring to Prime Minister Winston Churchill and one of his brainchildren. We have covered this in the past, but Your Humble Scribe has recently come across more detailed illustrations of the brutal beast itself, which means we can resurrect the topic. Art!
Winnie and Nellie
(I don't have to identify which is which, do I?)
The idea behind Nellie (from "Naval Land Equipment" since Winnie, completely out of his proper sphere in the Admiralty, had decided it was going to happen), as of early 1940, was that these metal behemoths would excavate a huge trench all the way from friendly lines to unfriendly ones. As you can see from above, Nellie had a giant plough to dig out the upper part of the trench, and a rotating cutting drum to gouge out the lower part, and we have a side-view showing the internal arrangement. Art!
If this madcap scheme were proposed by anyone less influential and persistent than the PM, as he later became, this gigantic mechanical folly would have been gladly disposed of by the end of 1940. In fact 'twas not binned until 1943, at which Winnie came out with one of his great bon mots:" I am responsible but impenitent". Also, remember that the military liaison officer for these lumbering monsters was one Brigadier Ling. This will be important later. Art!
Nellie getting some TLC
(Note the missing track plates!)
A tip o' the cap to "Think Defence" for all the extra photographs and diagrams that we've not seen before, also available at
https://www.thinkdefence.co.uk/winston-nellie-trenching-machine/
should you wish to peruse the original article. Of course, the ultimate accolade is that there are scale models of the Nellie, one in 1/300 white metal, and the other in 1/76 resin. Art!
1/300 with puny Panzer for scale 
1/76 with winsome Winnie for scale
I must ask on the SOTCW Facebook page if anyone there has ever played a wargame with a Nellie present*.
Motley! In honour of Nellie, I have dug some trenches. You and I are going to swim them against the clock. Yes, "swim"; I dug them out in a peat marsh a few hours ago and by now they should be nicely full.
BOG SNORKELLING**!
Okay From Being Wet And Smelly -
To being wet and smelly. Yesterday we broached the subject of Martin Zero's venture along the Bridgewater Canal, in search of a hidden trapdoor. He had known about this for years (more than I did and I used to work near there in the mid-Eighties) and serendipitously came across the Canal And Rivers Trust, who were due to drain, empty and clean Lock 89, where the trapdoor is said to be. They must have taken pity on his schoolboy exuberance when they mentioned this, and invited him along to see how things went. Art!
This is Martin at Lock 89, pointing to the Deansgate Lock just as the canal begins to empty. To port of that bridge he's pointing to is where the old Hacienda used to stand, another place Your Humble Scribe was familiar with back in the day. Next!
A gleeful Martin down in the stinking mud that covers the canal bottom, and in the background you can see some of the detritus that litters said bottom, as members of the public, frequently the worse for wear thanks to the demon drink as there are bars all round here, hurl things into the canal, up to and including each other. Next!
 |
| The trapdoor is revealed! |
A couple of hefty blokes fished around in the water at canal bottom and found the chain that links to the trapdoor, giving it a good heave and thus allowing water to drain away. This drain leads, in a drop of several yards, to the completely culverted River Tib, thus allowing water still flowing into the Bridgewater Canal to be continually removed. Next!
The trapdoor itself. As Martin observed, more like a piece of ship's hull than anything else. Before you ask, it's probably Listed and they're not allowed to remove or replace it until or unless it falls apart, which it doesn't look like doing anytime soon. It may not be the original, since Lock 89 has been drained a few times, yet it's probably over a century old. Next!
An unhappy denizen of the depths is relocated.
You've seen the canal pre-cleanup, and it was a dirty old mess. Allow Conrad to show you Martin's final photo, which is definitely the "After" shot. Art!
Look at the condition of those bricks lining the bottom; that's quality and craftmanship for you.
All photos taken are from Martin's Youtube channel, found at:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3fqrmSkFjmkGGBPkoBO1GQ
Bless the lad, he's just so exuberantly involved you can't help but be interested.
Darwin Award Wannabes
Conrad was reading with horrified humour a Youtube Reddit account of the biggest safety violations ever witnessed, which is where that horror story about the cardboard compactor was from. There was another one about South Canadian asbestos abatement workers, one of whom told the Original Poster that he, and others he worked with regularly took off their respirators "because they got warm". Right. A ghastly lingering death versus momentary discomfort. Yeah, asbestos, what can possibly go wro -
Actually there was more. These workers used to scoop up the scummy residue left from processing the asbestos, which itself contained lots and lots of yummy asbestos, and - they would have snowball fights with it.
Sorry but you cannot fix stupid
Finally -
Conrad was quite impressed with a Cryptic Crossword clue in the MEN, as lately it's just not the challenge it used to be. "Covering with main fish (7)" was the clue, and the answer was "SEALING", since "main" is another word for "Sea" and a "Ling" is a species of fish. Art!
Pretty dun and dull in colouration. You might even say it's a Brown Ling. Even abbreviate it to B. Ling. I did warn you.
BOO!
* "Society Of Twentieth-Century Wargamers" before you ask.
** A real sport. Trust me on this.
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