Matte Gates

Ha! Yes Indeed, Except Not The Way You Expected

NOR IS IT A TYPO!  O no.  Firstly, I must mention that some of the images here present are from the highly wonderful and very deeply researched website run by NZ Pete.  Link!

http://nzpetesmatteshot.blogspot.com/

     Conrad hopes you never visit there, stay away generally and badmouth it to all your friends, since it goes into matte work in the cinema in awesome depth and detail, making BOOJUM!'s occasional sorties into the field rather limp by comparison.  Art!

    This is from one of those "Starry Treck" films and here we see Los Angeles with a superimposed flying-car and the Golden Gate Bridge, which is wholly painted, as is the background landscape.  Pete puts up the scene before it's composited.  Art!

     No need for costly and large-scale miniatures (excuse the irony) or location shooting with licences and permissions needed.  If you check out Pete's page he'll probably give the artist, too, as he's good like that*.  Let's have more of gates.  Art!

The cemetery gates
(IGNORE THE REFLECTIONS!)

     Here the matte line is everything from just below the horizon, and Conrad isn't too certain about that tree, either.  If you ever happen to catch this film be sure to cast a critical eye over that party gathered around the tree, and if they don't move then they are indeed part of a matte.  Those artists could be craft types and no denying it.  Art!

     This is cheating, really, which I wouldn't include if it didn't feature the Golden Gate again.  The foliage hanging from the bridge itself, and that rust-scabbed car in the foreground are all superimposed via CGI.  Still a gate, though.  Art!

     Pete showcases evocative matte work on Roger Corman's "The House Of Usher", featring a Gothic gate.  Says I, if you have any questions.  Corman didn't have a lot of money to throw around, so a matte recreation of the very house in question was a heck of a lot cheaper than building a set, and it looks very convincing with pyrotechnic effects composited in.

     Hopefully this item will result in sufficient visitors to Pete's site to assuage (not a word you expected to see today) his ire at traducing his site's good name in search of a tasteless pun.

     Motley!  Lie down on the doorstep whilst I fire up the steam-roller.  We need a new welcom 

Sicker Than A Vicar

Oo-er!  "Conrad's getting politically-relevant by being critical of religion, O Heavens!** where will this end up?" I hear your quivering qualification.  Actually it's because I couldn't think of anything else that would rhyme with "Sicker" and still be relevant.  "Sicker Than A Sticker" or "Sicker Than A Wicker" don't really catch the eye, do they?

     For Lo! we are back to Doctor Hope and his Rapid Trauma thingummy, which I promise we shall finish today.  Honest.  Is this not the face of a trustworthy man?  Art!  Quick, before they manage an answer.

Yes, thanks for that, Doc, I'd never have noticed otherwise

     The thing is, since Your Humble Scribe has read all the "Invincible" comic books at least three times over, he is well aware that The Immortal (he being human-kebabbed above) is - well, immortal.  It's on the tin.  An injury like that would be instantly fatal to anyone, bar him.  He can take it and revive later, in an unspecified manner.  Omni-Man would have to rip him into small pieces, put each piece in a jar, fill each jar with cement, then scatter them over the Atlantic Ocean to prevent any comeback.  Art!

     Hmmm, that appears to be Battle Babe with her head involuntarily rotated through 180 degrees.  "Blade Runner" to the contrary, this would indeed render one most effectively dead, even if it's a lot harder in reality than Hollywood makes out.  Er - so I have been told.

     And that's enough of the good bad Doctor for one day.  He has proven his impeccable comic appreciation chops, though.

Dig For Partial Victory!

For Yes, we are once again back at the Gallipoli peninsula in mid-1915, and amongst the Ockers and Polite Australians.  You may recall - or not, in which case you will lose brownie points - that they had come ashore wildly astray from their intended shore, and were consequently rather cramped in their beachhead.  The Ockers, for one, were diligent diggers, who would excavate tunnels and trenches with nothing more than a teaspoon and an attitude.  On short water rations, in temperatures of 350 and with enemy snipers ever-attentive.  Art!

Ocker shocker!  Seeking to meet with local natives and steel a kiss.

 
     In preparation for their attack on the Turkish Lone Pine position - which will mean nothing to folks outside the Antipodes, and PLEASE do not confuse it with "On The Trail Of The Lonesome Pine" because carrying your teeth home in a carrier bag can cause offence - the Ockers decided a gallon of sweat was worth an ounce of blood.  They dug shallow tunnels beneath No Man's Land*** to within a few dozen yards of their Ottoman trench targets, and waited.  Again, this is in August in Turkey, and in confined spaces underground, so we might be talking tons of sweat rather than gallons.  Art!

"Under new management" - the Ockers in Lone Pine

     When H-Hour arrived the attacking troops burst into the open from their concealment, practically atop the Turkish trenches, and proceeded to attack.  Their casualties were still heavy; if they had been forced to cross NML in the open their attack would simply have failed due to casualties inflicted.  The shallow tunnels were then breached completely and served as communication trenches to the now-captured Lone Pine.  Art!

There was a rumour about beer in the enemy lines ...

     Okay, having insulted the Ockers, it is probably time to move on.  Those British Sword Pattern Bayonets look pretty frightening.

     Hmmmm.  One wonders what one was thinking a couple of years ago.  Your Humble Scribe is playing an old Spotify playlist, and has come across some peculiar EDM variations of classical musical standards.  That's "Electronic Dance Music" thank you very much, not "Esoteric Death Machine" - hmmm, I wonder what one of those would look like? 

STRANGEROUS!

     We will DEFINITELY be coming back to this! (whatever it is).

Finally -

Conrad has made out the TOE and dug out his Historical Miniature Replicas, in order to conduct a wargame a la "Blitzkrieg Commander", which only needs another paste table, a camouflage cover and a shallow hill or two before the mayhem kicks off.  Conrad now sitting musing how the rules will manage to convey national doctrine, as against the Three Hundred Foot Commander.  If this last sentence makes no sense to you, please ensure you avoid all subsequent posts on this subject.   Art!

A Scorpion Flail.  Yes, someone has to sit in that little metal box.

*  The dirty cur conscientious chap.

** The irony ought to choke you.

***  No gender inequality at this point in time.