The Blue And The Grey

NO!  Nothing To Do With That Other Civil Unpleasantness

You know, that one across the pond in South Canada, which they go on about as if it's the only civil unpleasantness that ever happened.

     Mind you, it is interesting.  And for those who disparage the South Canadians as 'ice-cream soldiers', don't forget that they somehow managed to ice-cream themselves towards upward of half a million casualties.  We Europeans rather poo-poohed their civil unpleasantness as being entirely untypical of how we, being proper sophisticated and all that, would wage war.  Hmmm well, mass movement by railroads, telegraphy, trench warfare and cigars proved us wrong on that front.

Bavarians going on holiday.  With guns.

     ANYWAY that has absolutely nothing to do with today's Intro, it's just that the uniforms of the opposing armies were blue (for the Union) and grey (for the Confederacy)*.  However, Conrad wanted to point out today's incredible contrast as of 19:00, because the ceaseless rain ceased, the clouds vanished and our skies went from grey to - Art!

Ignore the beer!  Ignore the beer!

     Ah me, welcome to the weather systems of Perfidious Albion, which for most of today has been the Pond Of Eden.  As I type, the grey is rolling back in.  Art!

Keep ignoring the beer!

     Your Humble Scribe wonders if we've been experiencing the eye of the storm.  

     Motley!  Later on we're going to have vole-cano jokes**!

The Jigsaw Proceeds Apace

I know, I know, it's not exactly world-shattering news; less 'small earthquake in Chile' and more 'minor earth-tremor near Bashall Eaves'.  What I mean to say is - sorry, what?  O you don't say.  Er - 

     Apparently located not far from that fracking site.  Conrad is certain nothing bad can come from this!

     Where were we?  O yes, the jigsaw.  Art!

     We look to have got at least half the pieces placed, and in the lower third there are very few pieces missing <pause for applause>.  Conrad would jib at the overall content, though, as it was a common criticism from Tommy Atkins that the RAF was never overhead during the Dunkirk campaign.  Which is an argument for another day***.

Conrad Still Seethes

What did you expect?  The sun still rises, water remains wet - except perhaps not if it's frozen solid and remains in a sub-zero environment - and 'wooly bears' was a nickname for Teuton shrapnel shells in the First Unpleasantness.

     Yes yes yes, we are back to complaining about Codeword solutions, an evil of the modern age.  To me at least.  In 200 years time people will gasp in horror at the trauma I have had to undergo.  Let the wordy war-crimes begin!

"LOCO": Excuse me, exactly WHO is compiling these solutions?  Because Conrad understands that 'Loco' is South Canadian Informal for someone who is completely hat-stand.  SOLUTIONS TO BE IN ENGLISH DAMMIT.  

Do. Not. Get. Me. Started.

"HYRAX": You WHAT!?  Don't tell me, this describes one of the body sections of an insect.  Allow me to Google.  Ah.  Not even close.  Art!

     It's a strange mammal that lives in Africa, which is closer to the elephant than the rat, this being important if they ever make an animated children's cartoon of same.  Rats are kids-cartoon poison.  Hyraxes you could get away with.

"HOLISM":  No, of course it's not about the 'scientific study of holes' because that would be 'holography'.  Let me consult my Collins Concise.  Ah.  "Any doctrine that a system may have properties over and above those of it's parts", so you're talking a Gestalt here?  Hmmm, O and don't forget that a 'holograph' is merely an original manuscript whereas 'holography' is creating three-dimensional images by virtue of using lasers.

     There.  Is that clear?

Told you so.

"HYPOTONIC":  Your Humble Scribe knows enough Latin to recognise "Hypo" as meaning "Under", so where does that leave us O though knowledgeable Collins Concise?  Oho, and also aha: 'referring to muscles, lacking a normal tone or tension", possibly also know technically as under-par.  That "Hypotonic" would be Conrad as he seethes about these solutions, in a violently enraged tone and whilst suffering considerable tension.

Like this

ROAST THE CHEF TO DEATH!

Yes well, you surely didn't believe that we were going to sentence Gordon Ramsay to be burnt at the stake for his heretical promotion of ketchup on chips, did you?  No, this is another referral to people who have quick and easy access to volcanoes and hence lava.  Let Your Humble Scribe point out that volcanoes across the globe can be very different in operation; that one in Iceland is hazardous to approach because i) it is violently spitting out lava in all directions and ii) it is also venting poisonous gasses, which can kill you if the wind changes direction whilst you're roasting your marshmallow.  Art!

Iceland: the ironically-named nation

     Then if we transit the globe to Hawaii, we find volcanoes of a more measured temperament.  Less risk of toxic gas, and nice, predictable, slow lava flows.

"Stay!"

     Here we meet Bryan Lowry.  Bryan is a big fan of destructive entertainment, which is widely seen here at BOOJUM! as a very good thing, and he also has ready access to fresh lava flows, which immediately led to him wondering "What would happen if you stuck X/Y/Z in lava?"  Art!

     Here you can see proof positive that a tin of Chef Boyardee Ravioli cannot resist the titanic temperatures and pressures of molten rock.  You might have reasonably guessed this before; now you know beyond reasonable doubt.

Finally -

We don't need a lot here to get up to the Compositional Ton, so I shall return to the topic of the Chew Reservoir, a splendid feat of Edwardian engineering that was built over a century ago and which is still functioning perfectly well.  Back in those days excellency of design and construction was taken for granted; they had to work hard to do a bad job.  Art!

     Here you see ground level as the horizontal line across the diagram; everything below that was the 'Puddle trench', which had to reach strata that were impermeable to water before it could then be back-filled, to prevent any leakage.  It was immensely deep, dark and dangerous, and although there are no photographs taken in it's depths, we do have some redolent sketches.  Art!

     Conrad thinks that, instead of the innocuous 'Puddle Trench' it should have been called "DEADLY DARK DEEP DUNGEON OF DEATH" although this might have led to problems with recruitment and retention.  Swings and roundabouts.

And with that we are jolly well done!

*  Let us not get into the New York Zouaves.

**  Long story. See earlier May posts.

***  Saint Swithin's Day 2027