When It Rain, It Pours

For Yes, We Are On About The "Admiral Kuznetsov" Again
The AK is the Ruffians only aircraft carrier, long both in the tooth and nautical miles sailed.  However, because aircraft carriers - or at least half-decent ones - are insanely expensive things to build, and because Tsar Putin spent all the money on the Olympics and the Crimean Bridge, the Ruffian's military budget is a bit tight. Art?

The AK in dry dock

     So.  If you can't afford a new one, the old one has to keep clanking along.  When the AK came chugging down the North Sea, the cruel British press made sarcastic jibes about the dirty old smoker -

The truth can hurt ...

     This did not go down well in the Kremlin, especially since Perfidious Albion possesses the first of two state-of-the-art aircraft carriers in HMS Queen Elizabeth.  To say these outclass the AK is like saying a Ferrari F12 is considerably faster than an Austin Humber.
         
                                                      I shall let you guess which is which
     Biting back the sobs and dabbing his eyes with a hanky (because he got grit in them*), Tsar Putin gave the go-ahead to have the Ol' AK refitted with new turbines, boilers, communications equipment, hangar deck, flight deck, intelligence equipment, navigation gear, soap dispensers and command and control electronics.  If this sounds expensive, that's because it is.  In fact, the only thing more expensive would be building a new aircraft carrier.
     Enter the P50-Dry Dock, which is that thing at top of page that the AK is sitting in.  Art?

As you can see, pretty ratty and tatty itself.

     Before the refit got anywhere, the P50 suddenly sank.  This is not entirely unsurprising: it was even older than the AK, and had bad luck before it went into service, to the extent of running aground and needing extensive repairs.
     Oh, one of those 70 ton cranes visible above fell onto the AK, smashing a gash into the flight deck, so that's a couple million roubles on the fix-it bill.
     The problems just continue to accumulate.  The AK was originally built in a Ukranian shipyard; given the current state of affairs between Ruffia and Ukraine, there's 0% chance of it being refitted there.  The only other dry dock big enough to handle the AK is in the Far East, at Vladivostock; the problem is (I feel I've been typing that a lot) that they removed the AK's propellers, so it would have to be towed along the whole route, and the cruel British press would doubtless point and laugh, again.

Poised.  Poised!

     Popular Mechanics, a rag of note and expert opinion, opined that it may be 25 years before the Ruffians can afford a brand-new aircraft carrier.
     Well, as long as our grandchildren are allowed to point and laugh.
     And now, we shall drop the motley into a bath filled with ice-shavings!  And electric eels!

BOOJUM! Reviews Films
You ought to know our modus operandi by now - we look at the title and make stuff up, except on rare occasions when we really review a film, which are few and far between.  It does happen, however, since we like to keep you on your toes.
     Let us begin the excoriating!
"A Dog's Journey": Oh aye?  Doubtless an excuse for a whole lot of Cute Puppies being shown on screen, so that critics go all gooey and doe-eyed at the sight and blather witlessly about the film.  Generally, our dog's journey involves staying hot on your heels into the kitchen, where there is food, or sitting earnestly at attention by your side as you eat food, or travelling from person to person whilst they are eating food, or mooching into the undergrowth whilst on a walk, in case there is food.  You may have noticed a theme there.

An example

"Dumbo": Come again?  There was a cartoon, wasn't there?  With a peculiar pachyderm that got drunk, if I recall.  I take it this is a live action remake.  Well, guess what, the physics of a creature the size of an infant elephant trying to fly by flapping it's ears means it would plummet to it's death on the very first go.  It would need wings the size of a tennis court to manage this feat, with muscles like steel hawsers.  In fact, it would look like a barrel of muscles attached to enormous grey sheets, with horrible stumpy legs (for aerodynamic efficiency) and a stub of a trunk (aerodynamic efficiency again). "Dumb" would be a better title.  Bah!

No.  Won't work either.

"Tolkein": Aha.  Now, this subject I know something about.  Ol' JRR served with the 11th Battalion of the Lancashire Fusiliers, as their Signalling Officer.  He spent 4 months in and out of the trenches during the Somme campaign, eventually coming down with trench fever, which doubtless saved his life.  How so?  Because he got invalided out of front line service and was sent back to Blighty.  The % of him surviving for over 2 years as a junior officer is remote.
     Anyway, what he witnessed had a profound effect upon him.  If you have read or seen "Lord of the Rings" then the Dead Marshes of Dagorlad, and the ashy wastelands of Mordor, were both inspired by the unlovely terrain of the Somme battlefield.  Art?

                
     So there you go.  That particular bit of the film is probably the only one I'd find interesting.

Finally -
There's an article over on that font of all that's fit to be writ - the BBC for those new to the party - about where you can legally ride an electric scooter in the Allotment of Eden.  The answer is - nowhere.  Or, only on private land, by permission.  Art?

It scoots

     They say that San Francisco and Paris are both trialling schemes whereby people can use these things on the road, legally.
     Barcelona has beaten them to it, Aunty Beeb.  They have dedicated bike lanes where you can whiz along on your battery-powered roller-skate all unconcerned, and I don't think you even need a helmet, though it's advisable.
     Do better research next time, Aunty!

And there we shall leave you.



*  Anyone who queries this will be shot, then imprisoned.  And then shot again, for good measure.