The Grateful Dead

Yes, We Are Back To 'Game Of Thrones'
I didn't go on about this yesterday since most of the post was already taken up by GoT themes, specifically The Wall, and you can have too much of a good thing.  What I want to look at today is The Army Of The Dead, which is going to be a major thread in the final season.  They have finally made it south of The Wall after waiting eight thousand years, which denotes a certain amount of patience on the part of the White Walkers, or perhaps they're a tad fatalistic and not too ambitious?

Art?  What the heck - Oh, I see.  A white walker.  Excuse me whilst I Tazer him -

      Let us now adopt Conrad's patent analytical style, which consists of musing deeply on topics that really don't merit a first thought, let alone a second.
     Life In The Freezer:  Bear in mind that the AOTD is composed of tens of thousands of Wildlings, hailing from the frozen wastes north of The Wall.  Also bear in mind that no AOTD has ever ventured south of said structure.  As they move further south, the ambient temperature will rise, until they may eventually reach the sub-tropics of Kings Landing.  What impact is such a relatively elevated temperature going to have upon an army composed of rotting corpses?  You can't point to the single wight that Jon "Break Down The Wall!" Snow hauled in front of Cersei, since it had been packaged in a protective box and moved at high speed, thus avoiding the rotting process.  Conrad suspects that an army composed of slimy remnants reminiscent of a septic sinus will not present that big a threat.

Jon.  Nice, but let's be frank - dim

     Hot Stuff Tonight: I am warming to my theme!  Ha!  Do you - O you do.  Anyway, TAOTD's wights are peculiarly susceptible to fire, so susceptible in fact that one might suspect that the scriptwriters had shoe-horned this weakness in deliberately.  Conrad would counsel denizens of the North to avoid any kind of pitched battle with TAOTD, because any of your casualties are merely going to swell the ranks of the undead.  No, their tactics ought to be - are you paying attention, Jon? - hit and run, using flaming arrows to strike from a distance.  Plus occasional flame-traps to kill off wights en masse.  And the very best archers ought to be given a couple of arrows tipped with dragonglass, just in case any of the White Walkers move into range.  You might not hit them, but it would certainly cause them palpitations and hobble them a bit.

Army Of The Dead or Iron Maiden concert?  Only you can tell!

     Playing Hard To Get:  This would be in the realm of strategy, rather than tactics, as described above.  I hope Tyrion is paying attention here, Jon's probably off flirting with one of the female leads.  ANYWAY as I said above, the best strategy for the North is to avoid any pitched battles with TAOTD.  What they need to do is evacuate civilian populations out of the way of the shambling undead horde, in order to prevent TAOTD from becoming any bigger.  Starve it of recruits, you might say.  However, you would need a mobile volunteer force of potential wight-fodder, who would perpetually dance out of the way of TAOTD, yet all the while leading it further south.
     "What Machieavellian plan does this entail?" I hear you query.  Glad you asked!
     You are leading TAOTD further and further south, baiting it with your delicious fresh meaty human bodies, so that - BANG!  they collide with the armies of Cersei Lannister.

My hero!

     The Big Bang Theorem: the final battle as plotted above would go one of two ways:  Cersei wins, or the Night King wins.
     Cersei wins:  yes, but there won't be much left of her forces afterwards.  The armies of the North, the Unsullied and the Dothraki move in and crush what remains.
     The Night King wins:  Daenerys sends in her dragons.  Giant crossbows mounted on wagons, firing spears tipped with obsidian, are used to finish off the White Walkers.

What's that?  Sorry, you thought that this entire article was going to be about the rock band Grateful Dead?  pshaw!  how ridiculous is that supposition!  I mean, it's obvious that the wights are not voluntarily working on behalf of that pointy-headed rascal the Night King.  No, they are not.  If they had a union, I bet there'd be protests and work to rule actions round the clock, due to exploitative work practices and a lack of sick pay.
     No, my point is, once you destroy TAOTD, the wights would be profoundly glad at attaining their eternal rest.  They would be both grateful, and dead.

Oops.  I've spent the whole post banging on about a single subject.  Oh well. I hope you found these musings entertaining, and even if you didn't - you didn't have to pay for it, did you?