In Rock

The Fools!  The Meddling Fools!
That Yuri Milner in particular.  As if his ape's brain could contain the secrets of the - no, wait, that's 'Forbidden Planet', isn't it?  
     What I mean is that I warned you lot weeks ago - NASA, I'm looking at you - not to go poking or prying about that so-called "asteroid "Oumuamua" from another star system that entered the solar system a while ago.  Fortunately the international and major national astronomical bodies took notice of me and kept their sensors and remote robotic probes at home; Yuri Milner, however, is some vastly wealthy independent entrepreneur who has chosen to ignore my sage advice.

This is from The Guardian - O Howling irony!

     IT'LL ALL END IN TEARS!  AND THE EARTH BEING BLOWN UP! 
     "But what do you care, Conrad?" I hear you question.  "It's not actually your home and you make no secret about intending to take it over."
     You have a point.  However, I can't take anything over if it's been converted into rubble by a doomsday monster wielding a force beam made out of pure anti-protons.  Art?

Draw your own conclusions

     Now, the reason this cruising cosmological cannibal passed you lot by on the first go, unflattering though the truth is, comes down to your primitive technology; the DM's sensors were not tripped by anything remotely sophisticated that might prove a threat now or in the near future.  And no, Snapchat doesn't count.
     Since this evil alien intruder*  has passed by, hailing it with focussed telemetry to see if any sinister and lethal proton cannon are hiding in it's interior is - frankly, it's as good an idea as that sole surviving turkey in the pen chasing after the abattoir truck squawking "Take me!  Take me!"
     Sorry, what's that?  You were expecting a long screed about that classic album from those doyens of heavy metal, Deep Purple's "In Rock"?  Hmmm.  You keep making these assertions about albums that, by some incredible happenstance also chime with my blog titles.  Personally I think you're making it up.      Right, time to put the motley into a barrel and hurl it into the river - Niagara Falls awaits!**

Dawn Of The DEAD DEMENTED DECAYED Sun Credit where it is due.  Normally you are treated to cityscapes from the vantage of the Dark Tower, looking over Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell and making it look as if this cityscape is a metropolis where the only things moving are the zombies (which you must admit is a pretty cool prospect to look on, if not to live in).
     Yesterday, since I got in before the crack of dawn (your sighs of commiseration are noted), when dawn actually arrived I caught a vista that would have had poets waxing rhapsodically.  Or would that be rhapsodists waxing poetically? Art!

Revel in it

     Since I have a fusion-powered pump instead of a heart, all I could think of was how cold and damp it looked, which it proved to be so upon emergence from the bowels of the Dark Tower.
    
I Apologise For Sniffling
Conrad is experiencing one of those maledictions that are visited upon frail human flesh, and his, too, as he tries to blend in.  "A cold" is what they call it, and one effect is to make the proboscis leak disgusting fluids.  Your humble hack dare not blow his nose to clear it, as it was a bit of a rush-job back on the homeworld when they were cooking up disguises to issue out to us spies.  For one thing, it was made for a bigger head.  For another, the veins were hastily chucked in and are prone to rupture under stress, which makes high-gee acceleration in deep space no fun at all, I can tell you.  Thus, were I to actually blow my nose there is a definite danger of my circulatory fluid leaking out, and since it glows bright green, is radioactive and emits toxic fumes, this would not be good for my undercover role.  Nor any Hom. Sap. in the vicinity.

Oops I sneezed.

More Of Vimy Ridge
Conrad, being a pedantic hair-splitting anorak of the worst best kind, took umbrage at the Wikipedia entry for this battle, particularly the entry for Teuton Casualties.
     " 'Unknown'?" quoth I.  "This simply will not do!" and, indeed, a quick perusal of Volume II for the Year 1917 in the "Official History of the Great War in France and Flanders" does yield more data.  The two German divisions that took the brunt of the British American's attack reported total losses of 6,500 men, although without more digging it is unclear if this includes prisoners as well as dead and injured.  More illuminating than Wikipedia, anyway, which only states "4,000" as the total of Teuton's going into POW cages.  The Canadian "Historica Canada" website lists possibly 20,000 Teuton casualties, which is probably on the high side.
     Ha!

Blimey it's Vimy

     Not content with that, Conrad also violently jibbed - a sight to see, when it happens - at the bland Wiki statement that the Teutons didn't see getting blown off Vimy Ridge as a loss.  Yes they most certainly did!  The Teuton lord-high-almighty Ludendorff described it as a "Debakel", which is German for "We got a right shoeing", and a scapegoat was immediately sought (the British Official History waspishly noted that this is a trend in Teuton behaviour after a defeat in the First Unpleasantness).  One reason the rather dubious Wiki savant puts forward for the reassuring Teuton view is that there was no breakthrough after the capture of Vimy.  Well, there wasn't meant to be; the entire aim of the operation was to seize the ridge and sit on it, daring the enemy to come and have a go - which they didn't dare, not then or after.

Because of THESE!

     One reason for the uncertainty about casualties is that the British Americans - it's in the blood, you know - took a page out of the Dirty Rules For War Book as practiced by Perfidious Albion, and blew up a considerable portion of the Teuton defences with underground mines, packing tons of explosives underneath the unfortunate enemy, who were sped to heaven thus.  This, not to dwell upon the details overmuch, makes a body count afterwards a bit - er - problematic.

Wow.  I have wittered on a whisker - time for lunch!

*  It takes one to know one
**  Don't worry, motleys are good swimmers, and quite buoyant, too.