Rochdale: City Of The Dead

No Jests, Please
If your neighbouring town happens to have been over-run by zombies, it's no laughing matter.  You try to catch a taxi whilst fending off the shambling undead hordes!
     Yes, I am referring to all those people obviously fleeing a minor zombie apocalypse that has overwhelmed the town of Rochdale.  I have evidence - 

     Since traffic is heading into Rochdale, I presume that matters have been dealt with, or at the very least a cordon sanitaire established.  There is social media coverage of the town centre and - well, let the pictures speak for themselves -

Ravening undead hordes!

     There you go, proof positive of - no, it's not a picture taken at chucking-out time!  Those are zombies, mate, pure and simple.  What else can those people have been fleeing, eh?  Mutant monster moles?  Cyborg death weasels?  A free concert by East 17?
     Zombies, mate, zombies.  It's the only sensible explanation.

Edna - Keeping You Safe
Well, more like keeping me safe, which is what matters, as I am infinitely more valuable than you are.  Sorry, that's just how it is.  She would instantly recognise an approaching zombie due to smell, if not body posture and an inability to cock one's finger when drinking tea out of a Delft china cup.
     So!  Here is a progress report of yesterday's trip to the quarry site that gives our locality the wonderfully literal name of "Gravel Hole".
     

     Behold Edna, unmarked by mud.  This is no mean achievement, as there is a spring that runs down the quarry approach, all year round.  In winter, when it ices over, it is positively dangerous.
     Anyway, here we were, safely distant from both Rochdale and Rochdale Road - this would be the approach route any of zombies that escaped confinement in the town.  Edna proved to be trustworthy as she remained within my eyeline.  Art, proof!

Edna, bum to the fore

     It was quite a nice day, bright and sunny but with enough of a breeze that Conrad was glad of his jacket.  I know, I know, this is barely news, is it? but I have to provide a flavour of the British weather for those who have decamped to warmer climes overseas*.
     I could also get a better perspective on Rochdale.

Quiet.  Almost - no, I can't bring myself to say it

     At this distance you wouldn't be able to discern sirens or screaming, though there don't appear to be any explosions or fires.  I thought those were endemic to any zombie outbreak?  I can tell what you're thinking - "Oh Conrad, you ought to go explore and see if the revenant masses have been brought under control".  Get stuffed!
     Edna?  Edna, can you detect any zombies in the immediate vicinity?

Nope

     Only a clump of grass with an enticing smell.  At this point I decided to not tempt fate any longer and head back to The Mansion, which Edna appreciated as she was a bit tuckered out; she gets about an hour's worth of walk each day with Conrad the Conscientious, which is up a bit from ten minutes, and she's not gotten used to it yet.

"Edna!  Play undead!"

     Right!  Enough worrying about zombies.  Let the dice fall as they may, for we are now about to -

Apologise For Pearl Harbour
(Please note this is the correct spelling and there will be no further discussion about it).
     Yes, yes, I can hear you questioning my assertion.
     "Surely - spellings aside - that was the Japanese?" I hear your baffled expostulation.
     Well yes, but we are talking about Perfidious Albion here, and a little operation in November 1940 that gave the Japanese an unhealthy interest in attacking ships in harbour.  Art?

Into the jaws of death -

     Using 20 biplanes that were long obsolete, Perfidious Albion pioneered a method of launching torpedoes in very shallow water, and put half the Italian navy's battleships out of action.  Two of the "Stringbags" were shot down, which is a rather poor exchange if the other chap's lost three battleships.  The Italian's Axis chums the Japanese were very interested in what had transpired, probably a little too ghoulishly for the Italian's liking.
     I should point out that the Swordfish bomber used by Albion was long obsolete and, allegedly, one of the reasons that they survived anti-aircraft fire was that Axis gunnery equipment simply wasn't calibrated to deal with aircraft that flew so slowly.  Albion, eh?  Perfidious to the last!

Ben looks unhappy.  Tough, Ben, that spelling ain't gonna change.

Finally -
You can never have too many pens.  Never.

This probably counts as pen porn, but what the heck, it's still SFW

*  They know who they are ...