- not cross enough for you to get into the survival shelter after stocking up on the emergency rations; more a frowning annoyance than Fuming Nitric Ire.
"Surely 'Cross' is your default emotional state?" I hear you quaver.
Pausing only to note that you seem very worried about a man with access to
Last night I expected to sit down and watch the drama-mentary "Doctor Who" at 7:45 post meridian exactly; not 7:40, not 7:50 - 7:45*.
 |
| A pretty creepy-looking bunch |
IT SIMPLY WON'T DO!
If this happens next Saturday then expect a very severe letter being sent to the Beeb. VERY SEVERE!
Also I wasn't aware that this was part 2 of a three-part story and I was left hanging high and dry as the end credits scrolled up.
So, yes, Conrad is cross.
 |
| Cross, but not this cross. So don't panic. |
The Curse Of Conrad
You may recall, in the course of one of my clerihews, that I poked gentle fun at the musician Ben Folds, and then had to hurriedly check and see if he was still alive.
Fortunately for Ben, he is. This might change in the near future due to the Curse of Conrad, which appears to strike every time I discover a group or musician I really like; they immediately break up (thank, The Mars Volta) or die. I have thought about ending the career of some of music's performing chimps by suddenly 'liking' them and waiting for the thunderbolt to strike, but I just can't stomach it. Damn you, hip street cred!
 |
| Conrad: hip, street and cred (In his own head) |
Those Clerihews Again
We shall stick with the literary world, and I have checked; all the following are safely dead, and you can't blame the Curse of Conrad because they choked it before I started reading their works. More prosaically, you can't sue me, either as it's not possible to slander the dead**.
Agatha Christie
Had an odd history.
She lived solely on egg and beans,
And so farted a lot, and wore jeans.
That second line is correct, anyway. She famously upped and disappeared in 1926, for reasons never made clear. She possibly under-estimated the furore her disappearance would case, with 1,000 police and 15,000 volunteers searching for her. Nice to be missed! Talking of murder mysteries, Dorothy L. Sayers was inspired enough by this vanishing to write "Un-natural Death".
| Hercules Poirot. |
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Burned the midnight oil.
This was risky, because he fell asleep
And burned the house into an ashy heap.
Of course this isn't true! You can't destroy the material world with a metaphor, that would be silly. A silly as the inventor of one of the most rational people in fiction (Sherlock Holmes, although Professor Challenger would also suit) believing in Spiritualism. No - hang on -
 |
| You cannot deny the awesomeness of that moustache, though. |
Alistair Maclean
Lived in Aberdeen.
He liked to in the gloaming roam,
Which inspired "The Guns of Navarone"
None of this is true. He was born in Glasgow and lived in Shettleston and Switzerland, although he might have roamed a bit. Also, the USN Captain in "Ice Station Zebra" is a dumpy little chap, the complete opposite of Rock Hudson in the fillum.
| Also, the Russian paratroopers aren't equipped with Sinister weapons |
"Troop Leader" By Bill Bellamy
Further exploits of Bill and "A" Troop with their Cromwell tanks. As I already mentioned, Bill never expressed a worry about engaging the Teuton panzers, and rather more concern about their anti-tank guns and Panzerfausts. Fortunately for his own skin and that of his other four crew members, they never got hit by either.
They did, however, get shot up by a 4-barrelled anti-aircraft gun, 20mm calibre, which took a pot at their front as they incautiously rounded a corner to have a shufti at a destroyed bridge. Their driver hurriedly reversed out of trouble and the whole crew had a look at their tank.
 |
| Camo'd up |
This particular Cromwell tank was made out of mild steel, not armour plate; it should have been used for training only, as it certainly wasn't proof against anything bigger than the 20mm cannon shells it had barely resisted. Being considerably lighter than a proper Cromwell, however, it had an even higher speed. So the crew kept it.
| A properly armoured AFV |
* I would say 19:45 but that might confuse things as we're talking time-travel here
** If you are a lawyer reading this and dispute it, go very far away very quickly.
No comments:
Post a Comment