Business As Usual

That Is, To Say  -
 - much horror and madness the soul of the plot, except without the horror, as BOOJUM! breezily bounces back to basic buffoonery.
     But first!  

On the bucket list?

     A giant excavator, for no other reason than because I can.  Besides, everyone likes giant earth-moving equipment, don't they?*  Didn't you ever stop to think exactly how they create giant holes in the earth?

This is how

     The only time your humble scribe was not keen on seeing construction plant in action was during a terrifying episode of that so-called comedy "The Goodies", where all sorts of mechanical kit came to life and had to be decoyed over a cliff to prevent the death of all human life on earth.  Yeah, comedy my hairy white hindquarters.
     Anyway, we appear to have gone off on a tangent from our original tangent, which still leaves us off course.

There they are, the nightmare-inducing swines!

Music And It's Charms
Not sure about calming the savage breast, as the quote goes - come to think of it, though, "Savage Breast" would be a rocking name for a band <Conrad acknowledges going off on another tangent> - and what follows are a few clerihews about folk in the music business, some of whom you've probably heard of.

Ben Folds

Catches colds.

He has a feeble immune system,

If there's germs about, he gits 'em.

     As far as I know this is utterly untrue, making it an accurate clerihew**.  Since Ben is still with us - er - let me just check on that - ah phew yes he is - then I very much doubt his immune system is feeble or failing.

Bent Folds.  Close enough

Mike Oldfield

Likes his apples peeled.

This is how he composed "Tubular Bells"

Being undistracted by apple peel smells.

     It might be true.  I believe Mike's method of composing TB was to soak up a lot of liquid inspiration down the pub.

Adele

Does well.

I don't begrudge her any of that money,

What I hate is when she STEALS MY HONEY!

     You do have to watch her, you know.  Last time she visited The Mansion I hid my jars of Gales at the back of the cupboard, and yet there was still one missing the next day.

Justin Beiber

Is like rat-scab fever.

He is an odious  annoying little git,

The music equivalent of a purulent zit.

     You'll have to go Google "purulent", just don't use "Image" or it'll put you off your tea.  Much as the thought of JB has put me off mine.  I'm not sure if this qualifies as a clerihew, as it's all cold hard fact.

The next Justin Beiber (if Art doesn't eat it first)

"Your TV"
Don't get confused, this is a television channel, not a reference to the monitor in your lounge.  Conrad was watching old episodes of "Bones" yesterday and was struck by the adverts, which seemed to be aimed at Ladies of a Certain Age, due to the <ahem> lady-specific products they were touting.  I shan't go into details as we are still SFW here, yet I feel I skew their demographic somewhat.

Conrad blushing merely at the thought of -

A Glutton
No!  Not just for whole packets of Jaffa Cakes or Fig Rolls, a glutton for punishment.  Of the metaphorical kind, Conrad being an utter coward who values the integrity of his skin above all else.
     "We knew about the yellow streak already," I hear you call.  "So what's this about punishment?"

Conrad, hiding his streak

     Well <adopts conspiratorial posture and tone> I came across one of those "10 Films That -" over on Youtube, the theme for these being " - Were So Bad They Were Pulled From Release Whilst Still Being Shown".  Your average film turkey doesn't get this kind of treatment, but if the turkey is a zombie vampire neo-nazi turkey with footrot, then to spare further embarrassment and overheads, on rare occasions they are hastily withdrawn.  FYI, here is the list:

1. Mortdecai
2. Swept Away
3. Seeking Justice
4. Max Steel
5. Mr. Magoo
6. Delgo
7. Jem and the Holograms
8. The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
9. Gigli
10. Blackhat

Now, you know Conrad: a sucker for bad films.  Some of these I might grace by moving my eyes back and forth across the screen whilst they play, but some I simply refuse to have anything to do with.  Swept Away can go in the reject bin straight away, as it features that repellent old hag Madonna.  

Case rested

Jem and the H too, as your humble hack ain't interested in four female equivalents of Justin Rat-Scab Fever prancing about.  Nor the TGPKM, which sounds like the title of an Indonesian public transport service.  Conrad did not care for the Garbage Pail Kids first time round, all the more so because it's a RUBBISH BIN not a frikkin' Garbage Pail!

TGPKM will get you there!

*  This is rhetorical but the answer is still yes
**  I know this sounds back-to-front yet it's not.