Hyvaa Paassiaista!

Which Is Finnish For "Happy Easter"
Because it would be stupid to wish you "Hyvaa uutta vuotta" as it's nowhere near Christmas, or New Year.
     Why Finnish?  Well, because I like a bit of variety and we need to move on from Hungarian every now and then.  Although, and you may not know this, both Finnish and Magyar are from the same language family, that of the Finno-Ugric variety.  Whilst the Hungarians also share DNA with the Mongolians, which is enough to make you stop and think.
     Anyway, and predictably, none of this has anything to do with what follows, but then that is business-as-usual for BOOJUM!  Can I also add a picture of an odd-looking car -

Reminds me of that Ruffian "Balloon Car"

     Let the motley commence!

Grand Slam Goes BAM!
More on the MOAB of it's day.  I have mentioned how Perfidious Albion can be, especially when the opposition expects you to follow the rules of cricket when waging warfare.  Imagine being hit by a 10 ton bomb that causes a local earthquake, and complaining to the umpire about that particular bit of fast bowling.
     Barnes Wallis, who had a penchant for inventing things that went Bang, had invented the Tallboy bomb, which weighed in at 5 tons.  Feeling that he could go one better, he then followed this up with Grand Slam; as I said, this one came in at 10 tons and could only be carried by a specially modified Lancaster bomber.

Someone below is about to have a very, very bad day

  It didn't have to actually hit the target, since the enormous subterranean camouflet it created would collapse inward, taking anything nearby with it.  Like the Bielefeld railway viaduct.

Ten Ton Tessy gets a bit messy

     Only 42 of them were used from the spring of 1945 onwards, for which the hapless Teutons at the target end could only be grateful.

Enough of the grim!  Let us now slag off famous men, as it were.

A Clerihew Anew

I came up with these whilst walking Edna, which I like to think of as evidence that men can multi-task.

Henry Ford

Disliked being bored.

So he invented the Model T.

His contribution to automotive posterity.

     That's not very slanderous, is it?  Well, that's what comes of creating whilst getting exercise in the open air.

Karl Benz

Didn't have many friends.

He was so busy inventing cars

That he did not frequent inns or clubs or bars.

     Again, rather bland.  Who else can we pick on and be really, really nasty about?

Rudolf Diesel

Had a pet weasel.

He taught it to bite people's legs,

And to steal beef mince and laundry pegs.

     A little more libellous.  I would like to point out that the villain of the piece here is Ol' Rudy, as the weasel only did what it had been trained to do.

(The weasel is sitting in his lap)

     There, I think we're clerihewed for today.

You What?
Conrad does not often pay attention to adverts, and indeed often times his arrival in the cinema to ensure he misses them.  When watching television he usually mutes the sound and carries on with the Cryptic crossword, which was not possible today for I was not alone.
     Thus I frowned in puzzled incomprehension at a hoover, or vacuum cleaner, which dubbed itself "Shark Rocket".
     Pardon?

The closest picture I could find

     I have to say that there is precious little about a vacuum cleaner that derives from, or inspires to, either a shark or a rocket.  Next you'll be telling me that they're selling insurance by implying that you're going to get mur - what's that?  Oh.
     Well, if anyone from Asylum is reading this, then if you pay me £70,000 I can work up a treatment for the film "Shark Rocket", about a tornado that interrupts a Space-X Falcon launch, resulting in the crew of the International Space Station having to improvise harpoons - I bet we can get Tara Reid and Dolph Lungren for this -
     But wait!  There's more!
     "Crocodile garage doors" said the next advert.  What, are Asylum doing television adverts now?  Proof that I am not raving - Art?

Not raving this time.

     Where on earth did this come from?  What connection does a garage door have with a crocodile?  What were these people thinking or drinking?  Oh hang on, here's Art with a bit of input -

You see?

      Okay, Asylum, if you pay me £75,000 then I'll do you a treatment of a mad scientist (is there any other kind?) who has been breeding giant crocodilians in his house, specifically his garage, and because he skimped on garage door security they escape and the only answer is to throw giant flying sharks at them - I'm sure we can get Lindsey Lohan and Steven Segal for this -

A Scientist Replies
"Dear Conrad,
     I read with sadness and regret your comments about scientists being universally demented, and homicidal to boot, doubtless.  This is simply not true.  Most scientists are perfectly normal, well-adjusted individuals who hold down responsible jobs and who provide for their families.
     I hope that, in future, you do not repeat this canard, otherwise I will be compelled to destroy you and the city you reside in.
     Yours, Morbius"

Oops.